


Intoxicating

by Willow2883



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-02
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-11 06:06:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 60,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/475332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow2883/pseuds/Willow2883
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Begins the night of Bella's graduation. The Volturi come to Forks to ensure that Bella has been changed. Jacob takes her to Harry's cabin in Mount Ranier to keep her safe. Thus begins a race with time to keep themselves and those they love alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

 

_Note: These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own nothing. The things I have them do, Ms. Meyer would surely never approve of._

_Warning: Contains some drinking and mild drug use in first chapter._

_Love and thanks to my two pre-readers, amaggiepie and mermeg29. Thanks ladies._

_A small section of the dialogue (Jacob’s apology for the kiss) was directly lifted from Eclipse the movie._                                                                   

 

**Chapter One**

“Alright Alice, that’s good enough.” She’d been fussing over me for the last half-hour.

“Just let me put a little more mascara on your lashes, Bella.” She came at my face again with the black wand.

“No.” I turned my head away. “There’s plenty.”

“Alright,” she sighed, screwing the wand back into the tube and setting it among the shadows, blushes and lipsticks on the dresser. She looked toward the window and shut her eyes. “The caterers will be pulling up to the drive in about 2 minutes. I’m going downstairs to let them in and help them lay the food out. Rosalie is useless. Are you coming?”

“I’ll be right down.”

She nodded and left me alone in her bedroom. It was starting to get dark outside, so I went to her dresser and switched the lamp on. I really wanted to be alone because I intended to wipe some of the dark make-up off around my eyes, but as I studied myself in the mirror, I realized it didn’t look half bad.

With the dark smoky eye makeup and the pale pink lips, I looked a little like one of those weird, creepy Blythe dolls. Sort of goth. Even stranger was the fact I liked it.

I had absolutely refused to wear a dress, but Alice had gotten me a pair of tight designer jeans with some Italian name I couldn’t pronounce. She insisted you were _supposed_ to have to lie on the bed to zip them up.

I really liked the sweater though, it was a deep charcoal gray and the long sleeves had a cutout section, leaving my shoulders bare. I mostly loved the soft, fuzzy angora material.

All this for my graduation party. It was Edward’s and Alice’s party too, but they’d already graduated high school a hundred times.

I sighed. _Graduation._

For my friends the word meant freedom. For me the word was synonymous with my death.

I shook my head. My _rebirth_ , I corrected myself. I had told Edward I would wait till after graduation for him to change me so I’d have a little more time with my father and Jacob, and my friends. I’d been anticipating this day for so long and now that it was here…

 _You won’t ever have to sleep again_ , I thought, looking at myself in the mirror.

 _Wait a minute, I like to sleep_ , I frowned.

 _No more eating_.

But not only was I a really good cook, I enjoyed eating. Especially with Charlie and Jacob who appreciated everything I whipped up.

 _Now you can drink blood_.

Just the thought of blood made me cringe and bile rose up in my throat. I looked away from my reflection in the mirror.

 _Edward. Think of Edward_.

I could make love with Edward and be with him forever.

 _There._ I took a deep breath. That was my ‘go-to’ thought. My happy place.

But somehow it just wasn’t working for me the way it had a few months ago, when Edward was _all_ I thought of at the idea of being changed.

This last week as graduation drew closer, the thought of changing made my heart beat frantically and it became hard to catch my breath.

And now my ‘go-to’ thought that calmed me down became _Jacob_. I had to talk to Jacob.

But I don’t think Jacob was planning on coming today. I had invited him, but last week he had to go and kiss me, and I’d been so surprised and…

Hell, if I was being honest with myself, I’d punched him because stupid Jacob was always making me face things about myself that I didn’t want to deal with. And the warm flush I’d felt when he kissed me… well, I didn’t want to deal with that.

So I’d punched him.

And now he probably wasn’t coming, and I really needed to talk to him. Because now everything I’d asked for was going to become mine.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Maybe I _should_ have worn a dress. I hated dresses, but I hated standing out even more. And I think I was the only one wearing jeans. Not that it stopped Mike Newton from staring. Every time I turned around, his eyes were on my butt or my bare shoulders.

Edward was extra attentive too. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs when I came down, that cute lopsided grin on his face, shaking his head at me.

“You have no idea the effect you have, do you?” he said.

He kissed my cheek and put a protective arm around me. “If you only knew the thoughts going through half the boy’s minds in this room,” he whispered to me.

“Edward,” Alice trilled from the other side of the living room.

Some of the furniture had been moved to the music room, freeing up a large, open area for dancing. “Help me with the CD’s, please. I can’t find the ones I want; I think Emmett was going through these.” She was barely audible through the bass pumping on the stereo system, but of course Edward could hear her perfectly, and picked up on her thoughts with no effort whatsoever.

“Stay away from him.” He pointed at Tyler and then at Barry. “And him,” he grinned. “I think they’re harmless, but if their hands were allowed to go as far as their imaginations? I’d have to chop them off.” He joked, kissing my cheek and heading toward Alice at the other end of the makeshift dance floor.

I felt lonely already. I tended to get lost in crowds.

I turned around and saw three tall, dark figures all dressed in black come through the front door. The largest of the three turned my way, and flashing a smile that literally brightened the room, came toward me.

Jacob!

My heart leaped at the sight of him; he’d come after all! But I didn’t want to let him off the hook too easily for the kiss last week.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, feigning annoyance.

“You invited me, remember?”

I cocked my eyebrow at him and pursed my lips. “Was my right hook too subtle for you? That was me uninviting you.”

“Look Bella.” He frowned. “I’m sorry about, you know, the kiss and your hand. I’d blame it on the whole inner animal thing, but it was really just me – being an ass.” He looked down. “I’m really sorry.”

He reached into his pocket. “But I brought you something. A graduation present. I made it myself.”

He placed something in my hand and the first thing that caught my eye was a wolf. It was very intricate and carved from some kind of wood. I picked it up and saw it was a charm bracelet. It must have taken him hours, or days, maybe even weeks to make this.

“Wow, you made this? It’s really pretty.”

He’d been forgiven before he’d even come in the door, but now it was official. I smiled at him to let him know I wasn’t mad anymore.

I opened the clasp and put it around my wrist. “Could you clip it for me?”

He took both ends in his giant hands and hooked it closed.

“Thanks.” I grinned.

I quickly scanned the room. Alice and Edward were still kneeling on the floor going through CD’s on the other side of the room. Jasper was dancing with Rosalie, and I think Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen, staying out of sight as the designated chaperones.

“I need to talk to you,” I told Jacob once I’d made sure all the Cullens were out of earshot.

“What’s up?”

“Not here.” I shook my head.

“Come on.” I took his hand and led him toward the massive oak double door.

I led him down the walkway. The thick trees leading to the woods on the other side of the driveway were my destination.

But there was a small impromptu party going on. Jessica and Lauren were sitting on Edward’s Volvo parked in the drive. Mike and Emmett were on either side of the girls, and Embry and Quil flanked them.

“Dude, come here!” Embry called to Jake. “Look what the lee-, I mean, look what Emmett’s passing around!”

As Jacob and I approached the crowd, Embry brought a huge joint to his lips and took a deep hit before holding it out to Jacob.

I watched in shock as Jake took it. I reached out and grabbed it away from him before it hit his mouth.

“What are you doing?” I hissed quietly to him. “I told you I wanted to talk to you.”

“One hit isn’t going to matter. Besides, it’s better than drinking. Alcohol burns off so fast, I hardly feel the effects, but this - ,” he reached for the joint in my hand and I pulled it away again before he could grab it.

“No!” I started to hand it to Emmett, but on impulse, I brought it to my lips and took a hit. I inhaled the smoke into my lungs and tried to hold it in like I’d seen other people do, but it burned so bad, I coughed it all out before it had a chance to do anything.

“Nice try, Bella.” Emmett laughed, patting me rather roughly on the back.

“Whoa Bella, I’m shocked. Next thing you know she’ll be drinking a beer,” Lauren said snidely.

“Give me that, Bells.” Jacob took it away from me and took a couple quick, deep puffs before handing it to Quil.

“Dude.” Mike passed a beer over to Jacob. Jake screwed the top off and shrugged at me before swigging it.

“Mike? Hand me one too, please.” I put my hand out.

Jacob’s eyes widened and he shot me a dirty look, but he didn’t say anything.

Gah! I still had a brace on my broken hand and I couldn’t even twist the top off. Jacob took it from me, opening it quickly, and handed it back to me.

We all turned as a figure came down the walk from the house. Jasper quietly joined the crowd, standing alongside his brother.

Emmett nudged Jasper and smirked at him, nodding his head at Mike as he took a drag off the joint still being passed around.

Oh, I got it. Emmett’s idea of fun: get the humans stoned for his own private entertainment. Since vampires are basically brain dead, Emmett could suck in all the marijuana smoke he wanted and it would have no effect on him.

Jessica took a puff and passed it to Lauren. “So, I meant to thank you, Mike.” Jessica wrapped her arms around his neck and put her chin on his shoulder. “Wasn’t my speech today awesome? Mike helped me write it.”

“I heard he helped you with some other stuff too.” Lauren snorted.

The boys laughed and I took a gulp of my beer. Yuck.

“Mike’s been pumping iron,” Jessica announced randomly as she ran her hands up and down Mike’s arms.

“A little.” He grinned proudly, his face reddening.

“I wanna see what _he’s_ got under that sweater,” Lauren said, finishing off her beer and staring straight at Jacob.

“Ooooh yeah! Take it off! Take it off!” Jessica chanted. Lauren joined in with her.

“Yeah, Jake, take it off and show em what you got,” Embry laughed.

I looked at Jacob, whose ears were pink. He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

The two girls were clapping their hands now and still chanting. I noticed Mike’s eyes were narrowed and his hand gripped his bottle tightly.

“Show them what a real man looks like, Jake.”

Jacob sighed and handed Quil his beer. He pulled his sweater over his head in one smooth motion and stood there in his tight jeans.

The girls quieted immediately, and both of them sucked in a breath.

Jacob really was beautiful.

I drank what was left of my beer.

There was complete silence for a good 30 seconds. Finally Lauren broke the quiet.

“Now all of you drop your pants and let’s see whose is the biggest.”

The boys laughed nervously and Lauren giggled at her own joke. She was stoned.

“I’ve already put all these boys to shame once tonight, I don’t want to embarrass them again,” Jake joked as he pulled his sweater back over his head.

At least I think he was joking. I could smell his musk scented deodorant as he pulled his shirt down.

On that note, I took Jacob’s hand and captured his gaze, nodding my head and telling him with my eyes it was time to go. I’d had all the partying I could take for one night.

Lauren watched as I pulled Jacob toward the trees. If looks could kill, I’d have been dead before I left the driveway.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

I led Jacob far into the trees. It was dark, but I held onto his hand, guiding him, while he made sure I stayed on two feet and didn’t fall. I felt a little more wobbly than usual, thanks to the beer. We went as deep as I dared to ensure that Emmett and Jasper were out of earshot.

We hit a clearing about five minutes in and I stopped, letting go of his hand and leaning against a sturdy cedar.

Now I didn’t know how to start. So I just blurted it out.

“Jake, I’m getting scared.”

“Aw honey, it was only one beer and one hit on a joint – you didn’t even inhale all the way. You’ll be fine.”

“No, not that. I mean, it’s here; it’s graduation. You know what that means.”

Even in the minimal light, I saw his hands clench into fists. I waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.

“Jake, I’m scared.” I repeated.

“Then don’t do it,” he replied tersely.

“I have to do it. I mean, I promised, and the Vol-”

“Oh bullshit! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You know I’ll protect you. Edward’s not forcing you.” He took a step closer, and the menacing look on his face scared me a little. “He’s not, right?”

“No, no, he’s not forcing me. But I commit-“

“Then you don’t have to do it.” He crossed his arms as if that were the end of the discussion. “Just don’t do it, Bella.”

“Can I talk?” I yelled, flinging my arms. “Would you stop interrupting me and let me finish a sentence?”

“Sure, sure. Finish. But I don’t see what there is to say. It’s simple, Bella. You’re scared? You don’t want to? Then you don’t. End of story.”

“God, Jacob! It’s not that easy! And I didn’t say I didn’t want to! I said I was scared - totally different. Can’t you just let me talk and listen to me? Hear me out?”

“What is there to talk about, Bella? You’re so stubborn, why do you make things harder than they have to be?”

“Shut up Jacob! I didn’t want to talk to you so you could _fix_ it for me, or, or tell me what to do, or _save_ me! I just wanted you to be a friend and listen to me. Why can’t you do that?”

“So you’re still going to go through with it?” Now he was mad. “Then what are we even doing out here?”

_God!_

“Can’t you just be my friend? I don’t have anyone else to talk to about these things, with. You’re the only one. I’m not saying I’m not going through with it, Jacob. I’m not saying I am going through with it either. I just wanted to talk about how scared I am now that it’s here.” Tears were threatening, and I blinked them back fiercely.

“So, you’re still going through it.”

He wasn’t listening to me!

“Forget it! Just forget it, Jacob!”

I pushed past him and started back for the Cullen’s. I’d made it about four whole steps before tripping on a tree root, and falling on my hands and knees. Jacob tried to help me up, but I shoved his hand away.

“Don’t touch me. I’ve got it.”

I saw him shake his head and put his hands up in surrender out of the corner of my eye. “Whatever.”

We walked the rest of the way back without speaking. He grabbed my elbow a couple of times to stop me from falling as I tripped.

Once we hit the driveway, the outside lights were bright enough that I could see where I was going. I also saw Emmett standing at the edge of the drive. He must have heard us walking through the trees, and was waiting for me. He gave Jake a hard look and put his arm across my shoulders.

“You okay, Bella?”

I shrugged his arm off. “I’m fine,” I mumbled.

 _Great._ Emmett had probably heard Jacob and my whole conversation. Now he was going to run and tell Rosalie. Which meant that by morning the whole Cullen household would think I was having second thoughts. Including Edward.

Then I remembered that Edward would know even before Rosalie. He would just pluck the information right out of Emmett’s head.

I pushed open the front door and quickly made my way to the stairs.

“Are you alright, love?”

I jumped twenty feet. “I’m fine.” I smiled tightly at Edward. “I just… I need a break.”

“I understand.” He kissed my forehead, and I practically ran up the stairs to his bedroom. I opened the door and a chill hit me. This house was beautiful, but it was always cold.

 _Just like them_.

The window was open. I crossed the room and looked down at the driveway below. Jacob stood alone with another beer in his hand, leaning against Edward’s Volvo.

God! He was so… exasperating! So frustrating. So intoxicating.

_Wait. Did I just say intoxicating? How did that get in there?_

I was pulling the window closed when I saw Lauren slink over and lean against the car alongside Jacob.

She took Jacob’s beer from him and took a sip before handing it back to him.

“We all know how she broke her hand, you know.”

_How the hell did she know?_

“Oh yeah?” Jake took a drink from his beer. “And how do you _all_ know that?”

“Jess heard Alice talking to Jasper in History.”

Jacob ignored her and said nothing. Lauren didn’t like being ignored.

“You kissed her.”

Jacob’s only reply was a swig from his bottle.

“I wouldn’t have punched you.”

Jacob pushed away from the car and stood at his full height in front of Lauren. “No? What _would_ you have done?”

“This.” Lauren took the bottle from Jacob’s hand again and placed it on the roof of the Volvo. Then she took a couple of steps closer to Jacob, and standing on her tippy-toes, reached her arms up around his neck, bringing his face down to hers.

Time stood still, and I drew in a sharp breath to scream, when Jacob unhooked her arms from around him and gently pushed her away.

“Sorry Blondie, aint gonna happen.”

Lauren looked pissed, her eyes narrowed and her body rigid.

“What a waste. You’re saving it all for Bella, huh? The girl who punched you so hard she broke her hand? You’re pathetic.”

“No offense, but I’m not the one throwing myself at strangers in the street.”

Lauren’s face contorted as she looked for the right words to put Jacob in his place. But the best she could come up with was a loud, “You suck!” before she stormed back into the house, slamming the front door hard.

I realized my heart was beating wildly.

_Intoxicating._

I shut and locked the window.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

“Wake up, love, wake up.” I felt someone gently shaking my shoulder, and opened my eyes.

Shoot! I’d fallen asleep on Edward’s bed. That’s right, it had been cold in the room, so I’d laid down and pulled his comforter up over me.

“What time is it?”

“It’s going on one in the morning.” Edward pushed the hair off my face and hooked it behind my ear.

“Is everyone gone?”

“Mm-hmm. The last guests left just after midnight.”

“Just like Cinderella.” I mumbled, snuggling deeper into the soft down pillow.

“So that must make you Sleeping Beauty.”

I smiled and said nothing.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, time to get up. You’ve got to go home.”

“Whyyyyyy?” I whined.

“Because if you don’t go home, the prince will get a shotgun shell in his, uh… “

“Butt?” I giggled.

Edward laughed gently and lay down beside me, his arm around my waist. I was so comfortable; I just wanted to stay this way forever.

 _Forever_.

“Did Jacob leave with Embry and Quil?”

I felt his arm tense. “I guess so, why?”

“No reason. Just wondering.” I remembered the altercation I’d watched outside Edward’s window earlier.

 _Sorry Blondie, aint gonna happen_.

I rolled onto my back and put my arms around his neck. “Kiss me, Edward.”

“Bella.” He protested. “We need to get you home.” He pulled my arms away, but I placed my hand on his face, and guided his lips to mine. I inhaled his sweet scent, growing dizzy. I pressed my lips more firmly against his and felt him draw back just slightly.

“Kiss me, Edward. Kiss me like you want me,” I murmured against his mouth.

I parted my lips against his, forgetting for just a moment who it was I was kissing. I tried to deepen the kiss, but Edward’s lips were hard and unyielding, not like the other ones. I wanted this kiss to be like the other one. Softer, deeper, open-mouthed.

_Intoxicating._

“Careful, Bella. Don’t get carried away.” He pulled his face away.

“Why?” I demanded. “Why can’t I get carried away?”

He looked at me patronizingly. “We’ve had this conversation a million times before, Bella. You know why,” he told me softly.

“Because you could kill me. Because you could turn me. But it’s graduation, Edward. Just do it.”

He looked at me like I’d struck him, then he sat up on the side of the bed.

“I’m serious. Do it.” I got up on my knees, putting my arms around his shoulders and spoke urgently into his ear. “What are we waiting for? Do it!”

“What about your father?” he whispered. “What am I supposed to tell him? That we _lost_ you?” He shook his head. “You’re my responsibility tonight. I won’t do that.”

I pulled my arms slowly away and sat back on my feet. “It’s never going to be the right time, is it? There will always be some excuse, some reason it can’t happen.”

I sighed as I stood up and hopped to the floor. “Just take me home Edward.”

**XXXXXXXXXX**

I awoke the next morning to the sound of voices, and the sun shining through my bedroom window. I squinted as if that would help me identify the voices floating up from the kitchen, downstairs. I couldn’t understand the words being said, but I placed the husky baritone of Jacob’s voice, and then my father’s laughter.

It was ten-thirty in the morning.  I must have been tired. Edward had driven me home and dropped me off. He didn’t stay. I think my insistence that he change me last night shook him up.

I got out of bed, and threw some shorts and a t-shirt on, running a brush quickly through my tangled bed-head hair. I stopped in the bathroom to brush my teeth before heading to the kitchen.

“Well, look who decided to get up.” My father smiled when I came into the room. He and Jacob were both seated at the table eating bagels and drinking coffee.

“What are you doing here?” I hoped I didn’t sound rude. I felt bad after our conversation the night before.

“I’m gonna get started on that lawn,” Charlie announced aloud before getting up and heading for the front door. “Nice seeing you, Jacob.”

“See ya, Charlie.”

I sat at the table next to Jacob with a cup of coffee and broke off a piece of his bagel.

“I came to see you,” he told me.

I stuffed a piece of bagel in my mouth so I didn’t have to say anything.

“I came to apologize. You were right. I was rude. You wanted to talk last night and I cut you off, I wouldn’t let you talk and was just an ass in general.”

“Yeah, you’re getting good at that.” I smiled.

“Well, I want to apologize right. So stop eating that bagel and put some shoes on. I have a surprise.”

“A surprise? What?”

“Just go put your shoes on and grab a sweater.”

“Will there be food? Cos I’m hungry.”

“Yes, there will be food. Go!”

**XXXXXXXXXX**

“Wow, this is great!” I exclaimed, sitting down on the quilted spread Jacob had laid out on the ground, right by our old log.

“Yeah, well, we don’t get too many perfect days like this. It was just my luck that it happened to be this beautiful out the day I needed to say “I’m sorry” to my best friend.”

Jacob had dragged me out to his Rabbit and driven me to First Beach. When we’d gotten out of his car, he pulled out the quilt we were sitting on now, and an ice-chest full of food.

“This chicken is still warm.” I groaned, licking my fingers after taking a bite.

“Yeah, Emily made the fried chicken for me _and_ the macaroni salad. The fresh baked bread is one of a couple of loaves that Sue dropped off for my dad and me yesterday.”

“Sue dropped it off yesterday and there’s still some left over today? Wow, you’re slipping.”

“Haha.”

The food was excellent. Emily and Sue were both amazing cooks. Jacob and I stuffed ourselves stupid. By the time we were done, there was nothing left. I packed up the garbage and put it back in the ice-chest. We both leaned back against our log and shut our eyes, letting our food digest and soaking up the sun.

Jacob broke the silence about ten minutes later.

“So, you’re getting scared?”

I decided on the spot not to tell him about asking Edward to change me last night. It hadn’t happened, so why get him upset again.

“Yeah.” I whispered. “I keep thinking of everything I have to give up.”

Both of us were still leaning back against the log, our eyes shut. I think that helped us have the conversation this time.

“Like what?”

And I told him. Everything. All my fears, all my sacrifices, everything. I even told him about Edward refusing to be intimate with me, and how even kissing was a challenge. I told him how much it hurt my feelings when Edward pushed me away.

And true to his word, Jacob stayed quiet and just let me talk.

As I rambled on, I discovered other things I would miss which I hadn’t even thought of before. So I told him those, too. By the time I was finished a slight breeze had kicked up, so I sat up and pulled my hoodie on over my head.

He had handled this so well, I felt like we had crossed some kind of milestone. Maybe things could be different. I had to ask him something.

I stood and stretched, stalling a little to gather my courage. He followed my lead and stood as well, raising his hands up over his head and yawning. I took a deep breath.

“Jacob?” I surprised him when I took one of his hands in both of mine. I felt suddenly shy. “When I change? You won’t really stop being my friend, right?”

He didn’t answer me right away, but when he did, he looked at me earnestly.

“Bella, you need to know all the facts, because when you make your choice you need to make an informed decision. And I don’t want you to go into this thinking anything other than the truth.”

He gently pulled his hand free and placed it under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. “If you change,” he spoke slowly and emphasized each word. “You won’t ever,” his face moved in, just inches from mine. “ _Ever_ see me again.”

Then he calmly stepped away and reached for the ice-chest, and started up the beach back to the car.

I guess the picnic was over.

**XXXXXXXXXX**


	2. Chapter Two

                                                                                                                 **Chapter Two**  
 **  
**

“Bella! Bella, wake up!”

The world was moving like a ship on rough waves. My eyes opened slowly and Edward was shaking me awake.

“Wake up!”

At first I was happy to see him here, until I saw the look on his face.

“Edward, what’s the matter?”

He threw my covers off and pulled me to the edge of the bed.

“What’s the matter?” He was scaring me.

“Shhhh, don’t wake Charlie, we don’t have time to answer his inevitable questions. We have to hurry.”

He turned toward me and took my hands. I didn’t like the fear behind his eyes. Edward didn’t frighten easily. He studied my face before he spoke and I waited, terrified.

“The Volturi are coming.”

“What? They’re coming?” My body began shaking uncontrollably.

“Alice would have known sooner, but it wasn’t planned. They were in Canada, overseeing some sort of trial, and at the last minute, Alice believes it was Jane who suggested they come here to make sure that you’ve been turned.”

He stood up and picked up my old backpack that I hadn’t cleaned out or put away since my last day of school; it was still lying where I’d thrown it on the chair at my desk.

“Dump this and fill it with clothes – warm clothes. Jacob will be here in about 10 minutes. Hurry Bella, get dressed.”

He was moving so fast around my room, he was a blur and all I could do was sit in stunned silence in my half-awake state at what he’d told me so far. He was pulling papers out of my backpack and throwing them into the garbage.

He turned to me when he realized I was still just sitting on the edge of my bed. “Bella, love, get dressed. Wear your heaviest jacket; I have no idea where Jacob is taking you. I have to leave before he arrives; Jacob’s thoughts are loud and vivid and I can’t know where he’s thinking of taking you. It’s best that way.”

He looked over at me still in my same spot. “Please! Put some warm clothes on. I’ll pack this for you; you just focus on getting dressed. And here,” he had a large, packed-to-bulging manila envelope that he tried to shove into the backpack. It took up quite a bit of room – he wouldn’t be able to pack much around that. “There’s money in here, I’m not sure exactly how much Carlisle was able fit in there, but it will be more than enough.”

I dazedly got up and began dressing as he continued to talk and I tried to understand what was going on.

“We thought of giving Jacob a debit card so he’d have an unlimited amount of money at his disposal, but that would be too easy to track. Cash is safer. Not to mention quicker and easier.”

“Charlie!” I cried out.

“Shhh, Charlie will be protected. The wolves all know what’s going on and will be here soon. Don’t worry about your father.”

“Wait, Edward, _why_ are the Volturi coming?”

“To make sure that you’ve been changed. And when they see you haven’t, after we told them you would be by now… “. His sentence hung dangerously unfinished.

I lunged at him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “So change me now! This can all be avoided Edward! Just change me.” My head dropped back as I offered my throat to him submissively.

He shook me gently. “You’re not getting it Isabella. It should have been _done_ by now. It’s not that you’re not a vampire, but the fact that the Volturi have been lied to.”

“I don’t understand. Just change me now. When they come, they’ll see you did it and they’ll leave!”

“No Bella! If I change you now, it takes three days for the metamorphosis; you’ll essentially be in a paralyzed, painful coma state when they get here. They will see that it was just done, that we lied to them and they will kill all of us. They will take your body and burn it. Alice saw it.” He shook me gently again. “It’s too late for that now!”

“So we’ll fight them. How many of them are there?”

“There’s only five. This time. With the wolves, we could defeat them, I’m sure. But they’ll just send more the next time. Don’t think that the Volturi’s death will go un-avenged. It will never end till we’re all dead. You, my family, your father, the wolves and god knows who else. No, trust me, this is the only way.”

“But when can I come back? How will I know when it’s over?”

“Jacob will be phasing everyday and Sam will let him know when it’s safe. Carlisle will tell Sam when Jacob can take you home.”

He suddenly grabbed me and held me so tightly against his hard, unyielding chest, it hurt. But I didn’t care; it was the most unrestrained Edward had ever been with me.

“This will all be over before you know it,” he murmured into my hair. He pulled back and placed his finger under my chin, capturing my gaze. “I love you Isabella Swan. Now and forever. Don’t ever forget that.”

Then he kissed me and I clung to him, trying to grasp onto his solid, hard shoulders.

“You’ve got everything. I put a few undergarments and tops and a pair of jeans in your backpack. You’ve got your heavy jacket. The money is in the backpack.” He mumbled a mental checklist to himself.

“Let’s go,” he reached for my hand and pulled me onto his back and before I could say a word, we were out the window and he was scurrying down the tree. We’d hit the ground before I had time to be frightened.

He lowered me down and brushed my hair from my face. “Jacob will be here any minute. Wait for him right here. If we’ve forgotten anything, or you need anything, you have the money and you can buy it. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. You’ll be home before you know it.”

“Why can’t you stay with me till Jacob gets here?” I was afraid if I was left alone, I would panic.

“I can’t know where you are going. It’s best if I don’t know.” He looked toward the trees. “I think I hear him coming. I have to go. I love you, be safe.”

He kissed my cheek and he was gone.

I looked up at the house; it was dark and quiet. I felt like I should take one long last look, like I would never see it again.

Thankfully I didn’t have time to ponder that thought as a figure came through the trees quickly.

“Are you ready? We don’t have time for chitchat, Bells. I don’t want to wake up your father, so my bike is parked farther in the woods. The more ground we have between us when it’s discovered you’re gone, the better. I’m gonna phase, and I want you to climb on my back and I’ll take you to the bike. We don’t have time for your fumbling around trying to walk in the dark. Okay?”

I nodded mutely.

“I’ll be right back. You’re not scared, right? I’ll go as slowly as I can.”

I shook my head.

He dodged back into the trees and came back out transformed. I stood still in awe for just a moment. I hadn’t seen the wolves since that day with Laurent in the meadow. The sheer size of him took my breath away. That this was Jacob… it just blew my mind.

He made his way slowly, hesitantly toward me. He must know how intimidating he could seem. I wasn’t really scared, he was just so impressive. Once he was close enough to touch, he lowered his haunches and sunk to the ground before me. I swung my leg over his back and tried to get a firm grasp on his fur as tightly as I could with my good hand. He was almost as wide as he was tall and I had to grip his sides with my thighs. I hoped he hadn’t parked his bike too far away.

He swung his head around and looked back at me as if to say, “Ready?”

I nodded my head and he rose from the ground. I wobbled on top of him and adjusted myself, getting my balance and hung on.

He started out slowly and as I got used to his motion, he picked up speed. He never went above a jog as there were too many bushes and tight paths he had to maneuver through. I never would have made this on two legs. Not without _a lot_ of falling down.

The path widened about a quarter of a mile in and I saw the motorcycle, parked alongside a pine tree. Jacob lowered back to the ground and I climbed off. That hadn’t been too bad. If the circumstances had been different, I might have even enjoyed it.

The wolf crept between two large bushes and Jacob’s shoulders and head appeared over the top.

“Hold on, I left some clothes here.” I waited while he pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and slid some socks and sneakers on.

“Ta-da,” he came around the bush with two helmets in his hands. He handed the smaller one to me.

“Where did you get these?” I asked him, pulling it over my head.

“Cullens.”

I fumbled with the strap underneath my chin.

“Here Bells, let me get that.” He pulled and tightened something and then clicked it closed. “So what did you think of the ride here?” he grinned.

 “It was a little wobbly and unlike any mode of transportation I’ve ever ridden before. Unless you count that pony ride I took when I was 5.”

He smiled at me before becoming serious again. “Alright, I’m taking you to Harry’s cabin in the mountains. It hasn’t been used in years and it’s extremely remote. It’s near Mt. Rainier. I can’t chance taking you _too_ far or I won’t be able to check in with Sam. But it’s far enough and isolated enough that no one will find us. And I hope you didn’t bring your cell phone or a laptop, cos there’s no electricity. We’re gonna be roughing it a little, Bells. It’s a long drive, about 200 miles.”

“How come my dad never talked about Harry’s cabin?”

Jacob chuckled, “Cabin is kind of the wrong word, really. Harry inherited the land from his uncle and hardly ever went there himself – it was too far away. But when he first got the land, about 7 years ago, he went to check it out with my dad. My dad said it was good land, and Harry eventually wanted to build something nice there for the family, but he and my dad found the shack when they were fishing. They went back only once and that was last year.” Jacob lowered his head sadly. “Harry was going to finally choose a spot and draw up plans to build a place up there. But the good news is, the shack was still there. So that’s where we’re going. The only other person alive, who knows about it, is my dad.”

Something scurried into the brush in back of us and I squeaked.

“Come on, the sooner we get out of here, the better.” He swung his leg over the bike and got on. I followed suit and wrapped my arms tightly around him, grasping his t-shirt with my good hand. He started the motor and it seemed loud enough out here to be heard around the world. He revved the engine and we took off.

We stayed on the path a ways before coming out on the side of the highway. Then he hit the gas and we flew. I craned my neck at one point and saw the speedometer was at 90. I didn’t even know this bike would go that fast. Once we’d been driving for about two hours, it was still pitch dark but I felt the tenseness in Jake’s body relax, and he brought our speed down to a safer 75 mph.

Then the road began to wind its way up the mountainside. There was no one in sight; the road was all ours. I had been afraid that I would fall asleep on the back, but it was getting so cold, there was no chance of that. The farther up we drove, the icier the wind whipping at us, felt. To me, anyway.

Four hours is a long time on a motorcycle. I felt like a popsicle and my rear end felt like it had blisters on it. We’d pulled off the main road about an hour before, and the dirt road had become a wide dirt path.  The sky was beginning to lighten slightly and I was guessing it was around five in the morning. But I had no watch to check and I don’t think Edward had thrown my cell phone in my backpack, so I had no way to verify my hunch.

Jacob drove over a ridge and a huge lake stretched out in front of us. He slowed down and we came through some tall pines and I saw it; on an embankment about 100 yards from the water. He drove up alongside of it and cut the engine.

That was it? Oh, no.

“You still alive back there?” he said as he pulled his helmet off.

“Barely.” I pulled mine off over my head.

“I guess this is it. Home sweet home.” He slid off the bike and stood staring. “Wow, my father wasn’t kidding when he said it wasn’t much.”

“As long as there’s a bed; I’m exhausted. Ooohh,” I groaned as I stood and my sore muscles and my bruised butt protested.

Neither of us moved, we just stood staring at the tiny… shack. Shed? It certainly could not be confused with a cabin. It was about the size of the tent that Charlie owned that we went camping in years ago.

“Did the Cullens give you food by any chance? Cos, I got nothing. And I’m sorta hungry.”

I shook my head. “No, no food. All Edward gave me was the money.”

“Money?” Jacob exclaimed. “They gave us money? How much?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Edward shoved it all in my backpack.”

“I’ve got about 80 bucks. I took what I had and my dad gave me what he had before I left.”

 I shrugged my backpack off and unzipped it. I gripped the corner of the manila envelope and pulled, as a bra and a t-shirt fell out onto the ground.

“Hold onto the bottom of the backpack, Jake.” He held the bottom and I pulled as hard as I could, finally freeing the bulging envelope. I handed it to him and he unhooked it and opened it, rummaging through the bills on top.

“Holy shit,” he pulled a handful out. “Jesus Christ, there must be over $20,000 in here, Bella. It’s mostly 50’s and 100’s, but there’s some 20’s here too. We’ll have to use those first so we don’t draw attention to ourselves. I don’t believe this.” His jaw hardened slightly. “Must be nice,” he muttered under his breath.

“The Cullens are very generous,” I told him, feeling like I needed to apologize for their wealth. Which was stupid. The Cullens were good people.

“Very,” he agreed, taking five 20 dollar bills out and shoving the rest back in the envelope. “My dad said there’s a store about 10 miles north from here, but we’ll have to wait till morning. I’m sure they don’t have any 24-hour grocery stores around. Can you last till then?”

 “Do I have a choice?”

“Not unless you have a t-bone with French fries hidden underneath all that money.”

“No such luck,” I shook my head.

Jacob went to the bike and untied a large bundle that was attached to the back.

“I could only fit one sleeping bag on here,” he told me. “So here, you can have it.” He handed the soft bundle to me as he grabbed a small duffle bag off the back.

The little red shack had a small door around the side and there was a tiny window that faced the lake.

“Shit, it’s padlocked,” Jacob rattled the lock a few times, but it held fast. “Hold on,” he placed his bag on the ground and took the lock in both hands and pulled it with a hard, fast jolt. The lock broke and came open in his palm.

He pushed the door open and we peered in. There was nothing inside, except for a filthy broom lying on the other side of the room on the dirty hardwood floor and a bucket alongside it. I’m guessing the dimensions were about 20 feet by 20 feet. At least there was a small fireplace against the back wall. We could cook and Jacob could build a fire at night when it got cold. I made a mental note to remember to buy matches when we went to the store.

All at once it hit me; the long ride, the danger we were in and I worried not only for Charlie’s safety from the Volturi, but I knew he would be sick with worry when he discovered later today that I was gone. Hopefully, he wouldn’t notice before he went to work, giving him a whole extra day to find that I was missing. My legs buckled with exhaustion and Jacob caught me before I fell to the ground.

“Come on honey, you need to sleep. We both need to sleep.”

“But there’s no bed,” I started to cry. I didn’t really care that much about sleeping on the ground, but everything was catching up with me and I was overwhelmed and tired.

“Sshhh,” Jacob kissed the top of my head and took the sleeping bag from me, unknotting the ties and rolling it out on the floor. I stared at it; it seemed so unfair, Jacob was along for the ride here because of me, and I got to have the only sleeping bag?

“No, Jake, we’ll open it up so we can both lie on it and I can put my jacket over me.”

“You don’t have to do that for me, I’m used to sleeping on the ground. Werewolf, remember?”

“No, I insist, we’ll share it.” I patted his chest. “Best friend, remember?”

“Okay,” he smiled.

We both dropped to the hard ground and I took one quick look out the window and saw the sky was pink as the sun was beginning to rise. I was so tired I didn’t even take my jacket off and cover myself with it. I fell into a deep sleep as soon as my head hit the floor.

 

                                                                            ~~``intoxicating``~~

A/N: Okay, my lovely readers, you know I love you. I do. But I was very dismayed when I saw that I had 300 visitors here this last week for Chapter One. - and only five reviews. Need I say more? Kthxbai.

 

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Begins the night of Bella's graduation. The Volturi come to Forks to ensure that Bella has been changed. Jacob takes her to Harry's cabin in Mount Ranier to keep her safe. Thus begins a race with time to keep themselves and those they love alive.

**Chapter Three**

**Day 1**

I woke up stiff, sore and confused. And alone. It took a minute for it all to come back to me. Then I realized Jacob was gone. I was just going to run outside and look for him in a panic, when he came in through the door with the broom in his hand.

“You’re awake. You slept a long time.” He leaned the broom up against the wall and squat down next to me. “I was going to wake you up cos I was starving, but I figured you could really use the sleep.”

“Thanks.” I looked around uncomfortably, dreading to ask the question, not wanting to hear the answer. “Um Jake? Where’s the bathroom?”

“Come here,” he waved me over to the door and I peered around him as he pointed.

 _Oh no_.

“Is that… is that an outhouse?”

Just to the back of the shack, almost hidden alongside a large cedar tree, was a small, rickety wooden structure.

“Yeah, it’s an outhouse. But hey, it could be worse. I could be pointing to the bushes.” He looked at me. “And consider yourself lucky, I just swept it all out in there. Spiders everywhere. There was one up in the corner at the top, I swear Bells, big as my hand.”

I started doing the creepy-crawly dance, flinging my arms around and feeling like things were crawling on me. “Don’t tell me that Jacob! Now I can’t go in there!”

“It’s not that bad Bella; I got rid of the cobwebs and bugs. It’s fine now.”

I didn’t care how well Jacob cleaned. I opted for a bush.

When I came back in, Jacob had a small hand-drawn map spread out on the floor.

“Where did you get that?” I sat down next to him.

“My dad drew it out last night. According to him, there’s a store about 10 miles north.”

“I didn’t see you look at that last night, how did you know how to find this place?”

“I studied it before I picked you up. It wasn’t that complicated. Plus, I’ve been here before,” he told me absently. “Let’s go.”

It was warm outside, so I just grabbed my hoodie and pulled it over my shirt. I wasn’t sure what Edward had packed for me, but I was still wearing the tank top I’d worn to bed last night and the short-sleeved t-shirt I’d thrown on over that.

We got back on the bike and headed due north. I was glad Jake seemed to know which direction to go, cos I was kind of geographically challenged. I went over in my head, a list of things we needed to get. We couldn’t get too much since there wasn’t much room on the bike to transport it back. Jake had said we also desperately needed to find a gas station or we’d be hiking back.

Compared to the ride last night, the 10 miles to town was a piece of cake.

“This must be the place,” Jacob mumbled as we pulled into a gas station. There was only one pump. Must not be a hopping place. There was a small market, a second-hand store and a diner attached to the market.

“Welcome to town,” I muttered sarcastically, pulling my helmet off.

Jacob got gas first and then we hit the market, which sold only the bare minimums. We couldn’t buy any food that needed to be refrigerated since we had no electricity. We also didn’t know how long we’d be here, and I know I for one was hoping it wouldn’t be very long. We got only enough that I could hold onto and Jake could strap onto the back for the ride back.

Now we were both starving and nothing short of a burger would do, so we went to the diner and ordered cheeseburgers and fries.

We could sit at the bar or one of four booths and since the place was empty, we had our pick. We scooted into a red booth with ripped vinyl seats and greasy plastic menus and waited for our food.

“I thought you said only your dad and Harry knew about the place we’re staying at?”

“Yeah, so?”

“Well, you said at the cabin, you knew how to find it cos you’d been here before.”

“No, I’ve been in this area was what I meant. Not to the cabin. I’ve never been there before now.”

“Oh.”

“Except… I was on four legs last time, not two wheels,” he chuckled.

“You and the pack come this far? All the way from La Push?” I was surprised they covered so much ground.

Jacob studied a water stain on the table like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. “I wasn’t with the pack. I came up here by myself.”

He was quiet for a moment, tracing the pattern of the stain with his finger. “When you went to Italy with the blood-, with Alice, I uh, I took off for a while.” He swallowed. “I really didn’t think you were gonna make it back.”

He reached across the table and took my hand. “I’m glad you did. I’m really glad you came back alive.” His eyes narrowed and he leaned across the table toward me before he whispered earnestly, “And I plan to keep you that way.”

I nodded my head, speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Even though Jacob frustrated me no end and said and did things he shouldn’t sometimes – I really didn’t deserve him in my life.

“I love you, Jacob,” I blurted out. It just slipped out, but I didn’t regret saying it.

He looked surprised and then he smiled and kissed the back of my hand. “I love you too, honey.”

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

It’s amazing how little things like soap and a comb and matches become so precious when you don’t have them. It was late afternoon when we got back and while the sun was still out, it was already starting to get a little chilly. I would pass on bathing today and scrub up tomorrow in the heat of the early afternoon. I was looking forward to it and yet dreading it at the same time. I had a feeling that lake was icy cold.

Jake’s talk of spiders was still haunting me, so first item on my agenda was to sweep the floor. Jake wandered around outside looking for wood in case we wanted a fire later, if for nothing other than light. It was going to be awfully dark in a few hours. We had remembered to buy a flashlight, but didn’t want to waste the batteries.

I had just finished sweeping and swatting cobwebs out of the corners when Jake came in with a big smile on his face.

“Look what I found, Bells.”

He had two thick blankets, a large bar of dirt encrusted soap, another flashlight, a frying pan, a knife, some dishwashing soap, and two tall 6 packs of Rainier beer.

“And the best part – look!” He reached right outside the door where he’d rested a fishing pole. “There are four of them!”

“Where did you get all that, Jake?”

“Come here,” he took my hand and led me outside and around to the back of the shack. There was a cubbyhole which served as a small storage space at ground level.

“I just have to put batteries in the flashlight and now we’ll each have our own. And we can wash the blankets in the lake tomorrow with the soap, so you won’t have to use your jacket to sleep with.”

He broke the fishing poles back down in half and put them back in the cubbyhole. “We can go fishing tomorrow,” he smiled happily.

“If we’re still here,” I added. Which reminded me. “Don’t you have to check in with Sam?”

His smile faded. “Yeah. I’ll do it later.”

By the time we piled up stacks of the wood Jacob had found at the side of the cabin, the sun was going down fast. We went back inside and shared the sandwich we had brought back for our dinner.

“You’d better go check in with Sam,” I told him. I could tell he didn’t want to. Did he think it would be that bad? Did he know something I didn’t know? To me, once the Volturi was told I’d run off in fear of being changed, they’d just leave. I mean, I wasn’t that intimidating, was I?

“Okay,” he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his shirt, heading outside in just his jeans.

He was gone for a while and it was making me nervous waiting for him in the dark, all by myself. What if the Volturi was out there, waiting to ambush us? How many vampires could he take on all by himself? I was sure I would hear a scuffle, a noise or something if anyone was out there.

I waited and waited. The knot in my stomach was getting tighter and tighter. I was just getting ready to go out there and call him, when he came back in the door. When he didn’t say anything right away, I turned the flashlight on and shined it at his face. He looked pale and his eyes looked drawn, but then again, I was looking at him through a flashlight.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” he answered, staring out the window with his back to me before he turned around and sat on the floor next to me. “They’re uh, they’re still there. They’re going to uh, stay with the Cullens for a while. Sam thinks they don’t believe you really ran off to get away from being turned.”

“So basically they’re waiting to see if I come back or if one of the Cullens slip-up and tell them where I’ve gone?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“How long do you think they’ll stay in Forks and wait it out?”

“I don’t know,” he tapped the flashlight in my hand down. “Could you get that out of my face, Bella?”

“Sorry.”

“I don’t think they’ll stay long. We’ll be able to go home soon, honey.”

“Good. You know, you were out there so long, I was worried.”

Jacob took the flashlight from me and lying down on his back; he shone the light up at the ceiling. “What’s this?”

“A duck!” I laughed. “Wait, what’s this?” I manipulated my good hand’s fingers.

“A dog.”

“No, it’s Jacob Black.”

“Haha. My turn.”

We did shadow puppets and talked for a while, till our voices turned to tired whispers, back and forth. Then we both fell asleep.

 

**Day 2**

Jacob was a much earlier riser than me, because when I woke up the next morning, he was gone again. This time I didn’t panic.

I decided to be adventurous and use the outhouse. When I opened the door of the cabin, I saw the lake and there was Jacob in the water. He must be cleaning up.

As I headed back, unharmed, from the bathroom, I decided to take the blankets down there with the dishwashing soap and see if he could wash them. He could use one to lie on too when he got out.

I packed everything up and walked down to the water’s edge.

“I’ll leave you alone,” I called out to him. “But I figured you could maybe wash one of these blankets and use the other to lie out on and dry off.”

“You don’t have to go anywhere, Bells. I’m not naked, I’ve got my underwear on, they’re as good as a bathing suit.”

“Oh, okay.” I opened up each of the blankets and shook them out before I waded out to my calves and tossed Jake the blanket to wash. I squealed as I waded out, the water was COLD. How was I going to get my whole body in there?

Jacob laughed at my screeching. “It’s not so bad once you get in, really.”

“Yeah, for a werewolf,” I muttered to him, running back to shore and sitting on the edge of the blanket I’d spread out for him.

I watched him work the soap in and scrub and rinse the blanket and then I waded out again and took it from him, trying to get as little dirt on it as I could, as I put it down to dry. I was just sitting back down when he walked out of the lake toward the shore.

His white boxer briefs were waterlogged and hung dangerously low on his hips. The water dripped off him and ran down his body and my eyes couldn’t help but follow the drops as gravity pulled them all the way down his abs and over the V between his hipbones, and lower before stopping at the elastic. His hand held his underwear in place, but barely.

I’d seen most of Jacob before, he walked around half-naked all the time, but this… was… a sight. The water glossing over him wasn’t helping either.

I made an involuntary noise at the back of my throat, and then tried to cover it up by quickly looking down at the sand just as Jacob looked up in surprise.

He didn’t say anything and I didn’t dare to look up as I could feel the embarrassment staining my cheeks.

“The blanket looks pretty clean now. I won’t have to use my jacket tonight. That was a great find you made yesterday. Maybe later we can go fishing.” I was babbling; rambling to ease my awkwardness. Jacob laid out on his back beside me.

 I snuck a glance over at him, but his eyes were closed. I tried to turn away, but my eyeballs wouldn’t cooperate. They hungrily scoured his whole body, and then froze and locked on the swell at the juncture of his thighs. I couldn’t take my eyes off the visible bulge in his now see-through white boxers that wetly clung to him. I could plainly make out the length and girth of his shaft and the rounded ridge at the head; everything. I felt a heat pool and gather between my own legs.

“I’m gonna go back up.” I was relieved my voice didn’t crack.

“Okay, I’ll be up in a bit.”

I practically ran back to the shack and shut the door, leaning against it. What was wrong with me? I shouldn’t be having _those_ kinds of thoughts about Jacob. _My friend_ , Jacob.

My muscular, well-endowed friend, Jacob.

Hadn’t I just spent the last few months telling Jacob I did _not_ feel that way about him?

I shook my head, hoping that would knock the picture of him coming up out of the water like the god Poseidon from my mind. My hand swept across my stomach and I fought the overwhelming need to touch myself.  

_Stop it!_

I needed to go jump into that cold lake. That’s what I needed. I lowered myself to the floor and sat there till I was able to compose myself.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

I did go down and wash up later, but I made Jacob stay by the cabin and promise he wouldn’t peek. Of course he blatantly crossed his fingers and put them behind his back as a joke at first. But when he saw I meant it, he assured me he would stay at the back of the shack, catching grasshoppers and bugs to use as bait for later when we went fishing. That way he would be out of the way and occupied, yet close enough if anything happened.

I’m sure they heard me screaming all the way in Forks when I threw myself into the lake. I was right – it was freezing. But Jacob was right too – it wasn’t too bad once you got in. I scrubbed myself clean and washed my hair, then slipped off my tank top and my underwear in turn to wash them as well.

I laid out on the blanket to dry off, which didn’t take too long. Then I slid some pajama bottoms that could double as sweats on and headed back up. Jacob was sitting on a tree stump in the back, untangling some string.

“You ready?” He smiled.

“Sure, sure. Oh, I guess I should tell you now – I don’t do bugs. You’re gonna have to put them on my hook.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, Bells, I will bait your hook for you. I got a lot of grasshoppers back here.” He picked up the rectangular cardboard matchbox he’d emptied, and tapped it.

“Great.”

He had to not only put the bugs on my hook for me – I turned away, unable to watch – but show me how to cast the line far out into the water. I rolled up my sweats, so we could wade knee-deep into the water.

My line hadn’t been thrown more than 2 minutes before, when I felt a few quick successive little tugs. “I think I’ve got something!” I squealed.

“Okay, wait a minute, let it get a good grip, don’t do anything yet.”

I couldn’t really hold onto the pole tightly with my right hand with the brace on it, and I certainly couldn’t reel the line in with it either. “Jacob, take it! I can’t hold it and reel it one-handed!” The pole was bending now as the fish tugged on the line.

“I got it, I got it,” he took it from me and slowly reeled in a small gray fish.

“What kind is it?”

“I don’t know,” he said as he wrestled with it, as it wriggled to get free and he tried to remove the hook from its mouth. I couldn’t watch. “I don’t know, but I’m sure it’s edible.”

He tossed it aside and it flopped on the dirt while Jacob baited me up again.

“Teamwork,” I smiled as he handed the pole back over to me. “You got anything yet?”

“Not yet,” he murmured and re-cast a little further out.

We stood silently as I looked back over my shoulder guiltily at the fish onshore, whose flops had now turned into half-hearted twitches of its tail.

“I got another one!” I yelled. This one was bigger, making my pole bow as it fought. Jake and I switched poles and he reeled this one in for me. It was double the size of the last one.

“Alright Bells! You must get your fishing skills from your father.”

I hadn’t done anything but stand knee-deep in water and hold a pole; Jacob had done all the work, baiting and reeling in the catch, but I glowed a little inside with pride, feeling like I had accomplished something. Which was silly, really. But it was a nice feeling.

We took a granola bar lunch break and sat in the sun for a while before we fished for a little longer. By the time we packed up our fishing poles and grabbed some wood from outside so we could start a fire and cook the fish, I had caught two big ones, two smaller ones and three that were too small to eat and we threw back. Jacob had caught one medium sized one. I couldn’t wipe the stupid self-satisfied grin off my face that I had caught more than he had.

“Next time we go to town, we should get some newspapers to make starting the fire easier.”

“Are you doubting your mad skills?” I laughed.

“No, look.”

I turned around and the fireplace was blazing. The sun was just starting to go down and the cold was setting in. It was chillier than it was last night. I looked out the window.

“Looks like it’s gonna rain.”

There were dark clouds in the distance.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

By the time we finished eating, it was dark and the rain was coming down overhead.

“I’d better go check in with Sam.” Jacob peeled his shirt off and for the first time ever, I looked away quickly. I heard him kick off his shoes and he went out the door.

He was gone only a few minutes this time, his hair was plastered wet against his head when he came back in.

I turned the flashlight on and spotlighted him with it.

He shrugged. “Still there.”

“But my dad is okay?”

“Charlie is fine.”

“He must be worried to death about me,” I murmured, feeling guilt wash over me.

“It’ll be alright,” Jacob sat down next to me and put his arm around me. “We’ll be home soon.”

He kissed my forehead and then got up, pulling the shirt he’d just put back on over his head and dried his hair with it.

He threw the shirt in the corner of the room. “That needs to be washed tomorrow.”

He lay down on our sleeping bag on his back and folded his arms under his head. I lay on my side next to him.

“Tell me a story,” I whispered.

“A story? A story about what, Bells?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Tell me more of the tribe’s stories – their legends.”

He told me about the old days, stories of his grandfather, Ephraim Black, Billy telling him how they would smoke peyote and have visions, and about wolves and cold ones and stories about my father and his; things that Charlie had never told me before. He made me laugh and he made me gasp and he even almost made me cry. Jacob was an excellent story-teller.

After a while I stopped hearing the words and just listened to the sound of his voice as my mind wandered. I heard the rain pattering on the roof above us and I remembered another rainy day and a speech that Jacob recited to me about how much he loved me and how I should choose him instead of Edward, that he could give me more than him.

And then he had kissed me. And for those first few fleeting seconds, before I had time to react, before the punch, I remembered the softness and the urgency and the hot, melting feeling.

But Jacob had been nothing but a perfect gentleman these last few days. Nothing more than my friend, just like I’d said I wanted. And he’d promised that he would never kiss me again, unless I asked him to. Would he really make me ask? Then it would definitely never happen again, because even if I decided I’d changed my mind, I would never have the courage to ask.

Luckily I had the memory of the last one, and unbidden, like a movie, it played behind my closed lids.

 Jacob was quiet now and I could hear his even breathing. I scooted closer to him, on my side and rested my forehead against his arm. He smelled like soap and pine and smoke.

_Intoxicating._

The word washed over me like a whispered breeze.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 

 


	4. Chapter Four

 

**Chapter Four**

**Day 3**

 

I was choking, gasping and trying to catch my breath while orange heat surrounded me. I tried to scream, but my throat was parched and closed. I was clawing at myself as I struggled to break free from the scorching flames and catch my breath. As I forced the air through my lungs, I jarred myself awake and panted as my breaths instantly became easy again.

But smoke – I could still smell the smoke. I shook my head and opened my eyes and hair tickled my nose. Jacob! My face was buried in Jacob’s hair. It still reeked of smoke from the fire we’d built last night.

All my jerking and fumbling startled him, pulling him from his own dreams. “You okay?” He asked me, concern obvious underneath his grogginess.

I nodded, pulling away from him slightly. “I was just dreaming.”

He looked down with amusement at our entwined bodies. I had been practically on top of him.

“It was cold last night,” I mumbled a little too defensively. I sat up and looked out the window. The rain had stopped, but it was overcast and muggy.

Jacob stared at me with a funny look on his face.

“What?”

“I could go for a bacon cheeseburger.”

I started laughing. “Now? For breakfast? Sorry, the best I can do is a granola bar or a Snickers.”

“There’s a Snickers left?”

“I hid one,” I admitted, sticking my tongue out at him and pulling it out of my jacket pocket and handing it to him.

“Thanks, Bella!” And it was gone instantly.

“You didn’t even offer me a bite! And it was mine!”

“Sorry,” he opened his mouth, still full of candy bar. “Waht thum?”

God! The boy may look like a 24-year-old mythical god, but sometimes he had to go and remind me he was 16.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. “Wanna ride into town again today? I remember listening to Charlie and your dad talking one time about fish and how different fish prefer different bait. Maybe we could try a few different things. And then you could get your bacon cheeseburger.”

I grabbed two granola bars and sat on the floor next to him, handing him one.

“Okay, then we can come back later and go fishing again. Maybe we can go swimming. We can wash that other blanket and I can wash my clothes.” He grinned excitedly, “I didn’t think of it last time, I was too focused on looking for a flashlight, but I’m sure they had candles there, we should get some. And I bet they have playing cards, we could buy a deck and I can whip your butt at poker tonight!”

He looked up at me. “You know this is like a –.” He caught himself and stopped his sentence short. His grin faded and he looked at me guiltily. “I’m sorry, Bells. I didn’t mean that. I keep forgetting why we’re here.”

“What? What were you going to say? This is like a, what?”

He swallowed. “I almost said this is like a vacation.”

I couldn’t answer for a minute as the weight of our predicament glared at me like a giant elephant in the room.

“That’s okay, Jacob. I’ve forgotten a few times too. And some of it _has_ been fun.”

“I guess that says a lot about us, huh Bells? Even at a time like this, we still have fun together.”

“I guess so,” I murmured.

Even at a time like this, we still had fun together.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

“I wish we had a net. We could tie some meat in it and catch crawdads.” I’d only gone camping with Charlie a couple times in my life, but it had been fun and obviously educational in an outdoor ed kind of way. Certainly handy out here, under the circumstances.

“I bet we could catch some with a shirt or something. Tie a piece of meat onto it with the fishing line and swoop them up and dump them in the bucket.”

“What a great idea!”

We tried it. And it worked. We used the leftover meat from my hamburger at lunch and one of Jake’s undershirts. We had to hike around the lake till we found a shallow, rocky shoreline, and within an hour’s time, we had eight crawdads. I thought we should throw a couple back, but Jacob insisted he could eat six. I swear, I didn’t know where he put it. One of the perks of being a six foot, seven inch werewolf, I supposed.

We trekked back around the lake, giddy with our bucket full of catch and our resourcefulness. I put the pail of crustaceans climbing over each other and clawing at the water’s surface just inside the door.

Our timing was perfect; I’d no sooner set the pail down than the rain started coming down. Jake and I pulled out the candles and lit them. Then we opened the deck of cards and Jacob proceeded to kick my butt at poker and blackjack.

It was almost completely dark outside when Jacob got the fire going and we had to cook the crawdads over it since we didn’t have a pot to boil water in. He was pretty much in charge, so I passed the time making houses out of the cards.

When we finished with dinner, we moved on to Go Fish and War.

“If you groan one more time, I’m gonna smack you, Jacob. No one forced you to eat all those.”

“They were good, but now I’m stuffed.”

I looked past him, out the window. It was pitch black and the rain pattered against the glass. For some reason, I suddenly felt homesick.

“You should go check in with Sam.”

He nodded reluctantly and stood up, heading for the door. I waited a minute after he left and peeked outside. His shorts were lying on the ground just outside and I moved them closer to the side of the shack so they wouldn’t get wet. I shivered and went to the window, peering out through the soggy mist, but I couldn’t see him.

A sob caught in my throat and before I even knew what hit me, I was blubbering like a baby. It had only been three days, but I missed Edward and I missed Charlie, and I wanted to go home.

Please let Sam tell him it’s safe to go back now, I thought. I wanted to be in my own room, and I wanted to feel safe and I wanted to see Edward.

I was still standing at the window with tears running down my face when Jacob came back in. I turned to him and he looked startled when he saw I was crying.

“Bells! Are you okay?”

“I wanna go back! Can we go back yet?”

He strode across the room and pulled me tightly against him while I sobbed. “I want to go home, Jacob! I want to go home!”

“Sssshhhh, I know Bells, I know. Just a little longer. I promise.”

He stood there with me, as my tears mingled with the water running down his chest from the rain outside, until I finally started to calm down. “Jacob?” I sniffled against his shoulder. “You’re squishing me.”

He loosened his hold and gripping my arms gently, he kissed my forehead. Instead of pulling away, his mouth lingered against my skin. He hesitated a moment and then he kissed my cheek. My heart started beating a little faster; the mood had shifted from comforting to something else.

“It’ll be okay, Bells. Just a little longer,” he whispered. He kissed my other cheek, his lips perilously hitting the outside corner of mine. I inhaled sharply and resisted the urge to turn my head.

What was wrong with me? I felt sad, and I was confused. But I had just been crying partially over my loneliness for Edward and now I was having thoughts of kissing Jacob? What kind of person was I? Tears were running down my face for one person; at the same time wanting to be kissed by another.

I was a horrible person. Despicable. What a terrible thing to do to both of them.

I pushed myself away from Jacob and went to our sleeping bag and laid on the floor, curling up on my side, my arms crossed tightly across my belly.

“Bella?” He was still standing at the window.

“I just want to go to sleep Jacob. Just, please let me sleep.”

I heard him lower himself down to the floor against the wall. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there, on the other side of the room.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 

**Day 4**

The weather matched my mood. Dark and gloomy with scattered showers. I held the tears in successfully, but they threatened to erupt throughout the day.

Jacob tip-toed around, smiling at me reassuringly every once in a while. He respected my melancholy, or maybe he was just afraid to deal with my tears again. Regardless, he treated me with kid gloves all day, and we barely spoke.

We were pretty much stuck inside with nothing to do. Jacob claimed there was something wrong with the flashlight we’d found in the cubbyhole and took it completely apart and put it back together again. But I think he just wanted something to do. I didn’t even have a book to look at. There were some newspapers that we’d picked up to quick start our nightly fires, so I skimmed through them. All that was left that hadn’t already been burned was the comics and the horoscope. At least it wasn’t the sports page.

“What’s my horoscope say, Bells?” It was late afternoon and I don’t think Jake could go much longer with just sympathetic smiles and no talking. He looked at my face quickly to see if I was going to burst into tears at being spoken to directly, but I was feeling a little better. Maybe it was because Garfield always cheered me up.

“Uh, Capricorn, right?”

“Yep.”

I skimmed it quickly and debated on falsely reading him another sign’s before I resignedly read it out loud.

“Is there something you have been wanting to say to a friend, but you fear you will reveal too much of yourself if you do? It can be unnerving to put yourself out there and allow yourself to be vulnerable, but sometimes it opens up your world and therefore broadens your horizons and your possibilities for happiness.”

There was an awkward silence when I finished. I decided to just bypass the uneasiness and quickly jumped ahead to my own.

Oh god. Mine was worse. I wasn’t reading this out loud.

“What’s yours say?”

Shoot.

I sighed. “You aren’t always comfortable with public displays of affection. You can be friendly – but you are not one to wear your heart on your sleeve. That’s why showing how you feel – even if the feeling is passion – feels awkward and uncomfortable to you. You may now be involved with someone on either a platonic or romantic level who is just the opposite in this regard. This person has no problem saying or showing how he/she feels. Being just a bit more demonstrative might open up a whole new world for you.”

The words “awkward” and “passion” jumped off the page at me when I finished reading. I was grateful that aside from a smirk and a brief “hmmm”, Jacob kept his mouth shut.

Horoscopes were stupid and I didn’t believe in them. At all. So why did it irk me so much? I mean, they could be talking about me and Edward – he had no problems telling me how much he loved me. He never shied away from telling me he loved me on an almost daily basis.

And hadn’t my tears started last night because I missed Edward? That should prove that it was Edward and only Edward that I felt passionate about!

So why was I arguing with myself and trying to justify my own feelings, then?

And why did that damn horoscope scream JACOB at me when I read it? From the stupid smug look on his face after I’d read it aloud, I knew he felt like it described _him too_. Jerk.

To make matters worse, I found myself humming “A Whole New World” from Aladdin. Ironically, Jacob’s horoscope had said something about opening up ‘his world’ and mine said opening up ‘a whole new world’ and now the song was stuck in my head!

I crumpled up the newspaper and tossed it rather forcefully back near the fireplace. I would have stuck my tongue out at it, but Jacob had looked up when I threw the paper and was smiling at me.

“Now Bella, I don’t think they meant you should be _that_ kind of demonstrative.”

“Shut up, Jacob.”

He shrugged and turned back to the flashlight he was almost finished putting back together. “A whole new world, a dazzling place I never knew, but when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear, that now I’m in a whole new world with you, now I’m in – “

I glared at him. “Jacob? You really can’t sing. In fact your singing sucks. Be quiet.”

“Okay, Bells,” he chuckled and instead of singing, just continued to hum the song.

And for the life of me, I kept catching myself humming it too, throughout the evening.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

“I’m hungry.”

“Jacob, if you say that one more time… “

“I can’t help it. Man cannot live on granola bars and Wheat Thins alone. Werewolves either.”

“Well, if you hadn’t eaten all the muffins we’d bought yesterday, we could have each had one of those too.”

“I was hungry.”

“You’re _always_ hungry!”

“God, you’re grouchy, Bella.”

“Well, I’m hungry too. And I think this has been the longest day of my life.”

We were both sprawled out on our stomachs on our sleeping bag, building yet another mansion out of the deck of cards. We’d get so far and then the whole thing would collapse.

The fire had gone out, but we had a few candles lit and placed around the floor in front of us. It was still raining, and we were both bored and hungry. Not great ingredients for a fun night.

Jacob had already checked in with Sam and not surprisingly, nothing had changed. The Volturi were still in Forks and we couldn’t go home yet.

When enough time had passed and Jacob was passed out next to me, I tried to go to sleep. Instead I spent hours staring at the ceiling, wondering if Charlie was out scouring Forks for me or if he was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering if I was still alive.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

**Day 5**

I woke up delighted to see the sun streaming in, warming the patch of floor I was lying on. I rolled over and saw that Jake’s side of the sleeping bag was empty.

I could hear and feel my stomach growling as I got up and made my way to the door to use the outhouse. I couldn’t see Jake out near the lake and the motorcycle was gone. There were dark clouds in the distance, so I knew the sunshine was going to be short-lived.

When I came back, I noticed there was a piece of paper on top of the blanket that I must have pushed aside when I got up.

_Bella,_

_You were still sleeping when I woke up, so I thought I’d ride to town while it wasn’t raining. Hopefully by the time you wake up, I’ll be back with food.   Jake_

I hadn’t had a bath in a couple of days, and if I hurried, I could be in and out and dry by the time Jacob was back. I didn’t want to waste any time, so I pulled my sweats off and grabbed the multi-purpose blanket that we had been using as a towel/oven mitt/floor cushion, and the soap.

Knowing the water was freezing, I didn’t give myself time to dwell on the logistics of getting in. I threw the blanket down and plunged in, submerging myself completely as quickly as possible. Luckily, there was no one around to alarm with my screaming. Except maybe some wildlife.

The relief at being clean once again drowned out the uncomfortable iciness of that first few minutes in the water.

Ten minutes later, to my relief, still no sign of Jake. I dragged myself out and in my white tank top and red heart panties, I soaked up the last vestiges of sun to at least dry off a little bit before I went back and put some clothes on.

Just a couple of minutes in the warm sun. Just a few…

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

“Bella? Bella, wake up.”

I groaned. Why were people always waking me up?

“Bella, honey, you’re gonna burn.”

I gasped and sat straight up. I fell asleep!

I looked up and the clouds were overhead now, the sun partially blocked behind them, and a cool breeze had kicked up. How long had I been asleep? I looked down at myself; just a little pink, I’d be okay. My thighs were probably going to be the worst – they very rarely saw the sun and so were most susceptible to getting burned.

Wait a minute – my thighs, my bare thighs. I became horrifyingly aware that I was in my RED HEART PANTIES and a thin, WET - and now SEE-THROUGH - tank top!!

I took a quick glimpse down at my chest. Oh yeah, tank top was still damp. Nipples hard enough to shatter glass from the cold.

“Jacob! Go away!” I covered my chest while I tried to pull the blanket I was laying on around me. It wasn’t easy since I had folded it up to lie on.

“Bells, I’m sorry. I’m going. I just – I had to come down because I didn’t want you to burn. I came back and saw you were here, so I went in to put some stuff away, and when you were still out here, I called you and you didn’t answer, so I got worried. Cos, you know, you’re so fair and all.”

“Okay, thank you, now go!”

He walked back up and I pulled the blanket completely around me and stewed in my embarrassment for a minute. Not for too long though; it was cold.

I kept my head down when I came in, not able to look Jacob in the eyes just yet.

“I’ll go outside so you can get dressed.”

I took the still-wet underthings off and changed into some dry clothes. As I pulled them on, I realized what the wonderful aroma was that I smelled. Jacob had made pancakes! I saw a box of pancake mix; he’d cooked them himself in the pan over a small camp stove that he must have bought when he’d gone into town!

I opened the door, so Jacob would know he could come back inside now. He peeked in. “Is it safe to come back in?”

“Are these for me?” I pointed to the paper plate with three large, not perfectly round, pancakes.

“Mmm-hmmm,” he grinned. “I took some of the money from the envelope and picked the little stove up. I bought some rope too and used it to tie it down on the back of the bike. I saw it last time we were in town and didn’t say anything. I wanted it to be a surprise. Is that alright?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.” I was starving. I dug into the pancakes with gusto. “These are really good, Jake.” I ate a few more mouthfuls. “I guess you’re forgiven for before,” I said to him, giving him a hard look.

“It’s not like I was ogling you, Bella. I was concerned about you. Big difference.”

“I never even looked.” He added, an expression of complete innocence on his face. But the corners of his lips quirked spasmodically and gave him away.

I raised my eyebrows and we both laughed.

“Awww, don’t be mad at me, Bells. I have another surprise for you.”

“Another surprise?”

He got up and brought a bag that was over by the door to me. I stood up and took it from him. When I reached inside, I pulled out three books.

“Books!” I jumped up and down, I couldn’t help myself. “You brought me books! Thank you Jacob! Thank you!”

I was so excited. This was the best present he could have given me. I had been so bored the last couple of days, stuck inside with nothing to do. Now I had something to read. I threw my arms around him. “Thank you!”

“I didn’t know which ones to get you and they didn’t have that many to choose from. But these two looked good, and I know this one is your favorite, so I figured if these two were a bust, you’d like this one anyway.”

Romeo and Juliet. That _was_ my favorite! I felt a pang when I read the title. My automatic first thought was of Edward.

“And look, on the cover of this one – doesn’t that kind of look like us?”

“Love’s Carnal Desires?”

What the hell kind of book did he get me? I looked at the cover – it did kind of look like us. There was a shirtless man in low-slung black pants and shaggy dark hair and eyes, with coppery skin and big, rippling muscles. He had his hands on the waist of a petite brunette, with enough hair whipping around to fully cover the heads of five women. She had blue eyes and an overflowing bosom. Okay, maybe she didn’t look as much like me as the guy did like Jacob.

“This looks… really… interesting, Jake.” I read the back cover. That must be Raoul and Lavinia on the front. A romance novel; which was code for soft-core pornography.

“Thanks Jacob. That was really sweet.” He couldn’t help it if his choices had been limited. He got Romeo and Juliet right anyway.

The third one was a science-fiction futuristic political novel. Hmmmm. Raoul and Lavinia were looking better and better.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

I don’t know if Jacob was really good at judging books by their covers, or if I was really just _that_ bored; but I couldn’t put Raoul and Lavinia down.

And I had been wrong; Love’s Carnal Desires was not soft-core pornography.

It was hard-core porn. At least, to me it was.

I was only on page 50 and Raoul and Lavinia had already done things I’d only dreamed about doing with Edward.

But they had not gone all the way. Oh no. Lavinia was a good girl. A religious girl with strict parents. Raoul had only plunged his tongue down her throat every which way from Tuesday and ravished her breasts with his hands and his mouth. But Lavinia only allowed things to go so far before pushing Raoul away.

Hmmm. Sounded like someone else I knew.

I needed to stop reading this. It was making me squirmy.

Jacob was outside working on some secret project that he wanted to surprise me with. He was just full of surprises today. I know whatever it was; it required rope, because he took it outside with him. Maybe I could just peek.

I couldn’t see him from the window, so I crawled over to the open door and peered out. He had something on the ground in front of him that he was concentrating on. When he stood up, I jumped back so he wouldn’t see me, but he was too focused on whatever it was he was doing and didn’t notice.

He was breaking branches off the cedar tree. Big branches. Branches that only werewolves could snap off a tree with their bare hands.

The sun had broken through the clouds again, after an early afternoon of rain, and his shaggy black hair shone glossy in the light, as well as his bare chest that gleamed with perspiration.

I had noticed earlier that he had grown some stubble on his face from not shaving for a few days. He told me he had brought a razor, but it was a cheap, plastic one, and it was too hard without a mirror. Plus, it was just us, so he hadn’t bothered in a couple days.

I watched in awe as he broke off tree limbs and then snapped them in half, pulling off the smaller branch outgrowths and tossing them aside. I could see his biceps flex as he gripped and pulled and his deltoids expanded and retracted. He really was beautiful. No one would ever believe that that was a 16 year old boy.

Jacob Black was a man.

Why had I never really noticed?

~~``intoxicating``~~

Oh my god. Page two hundred and Raoul had his face in places they’d only told me about in Health class. Romeo never did things like this to Juliet.

Raoul had left to join a militant group for some revolutionary cause and Lavinia had pined for him for 75 pages. He was back now, but only for one day. He had to leave on a secret mission the next morning and would almost certainly be killed. He was already a hero within his faction.

So Lavinia was going to make this a night to remember. It was certainly one I wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. If I squirmed any more I was going to wake up Jacob. I kept finding myself holding my breath and forgetting to breathe.

Raoul’s tongue was making Lavinia pant breathlessly and if I read any more about her parted thighs and his hot mouth, I was going to lose my mind. I had to stop reading this!

I closed the book and pushed it away, rolling over onto my side.

That wasn’t a good idea either. Now I was confronted with a tall, muscular, nude-to-the-waist werewolf, ensconced in candlelight.

A blank wall, that’s what I needed to look at.

Instead of turning over, I watched the rise and fall of Jacob’s diaphragm as he breathed. His stomach muscles looked like grooves that dipped and rose in bumpy knots. I wanted to run my finger through them, like a maze. His abdominals were like a labyrinth of strength.

Edward was hard, like cold marble all over. But Jacob was a complexity of opposites; hard and soft, smooth, yet defined. Even his hair; the softest, glossiest hair on top of his head, but I knew if I ran my fingers over the stubbly hair on his face, it was thick and prickly.

I couldn’t stop staring at him. I couldn’t get over how absolutely beautiful he was. Yet, he was the sweetest, kindest, most generous and loyal person I knew. However, there was the complexity of him again; he was also strong and brave and he would fight to the death for me.

I thought of the kiss again. Why did I keep coming back to that? If I was so in love with Edward, why did it always come back to this? And why was I so threatened by that kiss, that I’d had to punch him? Yes, I’d tried to push him away, although in his defense, he didn’t know that’s what I was doing.

But hadn’t I really known it was coming to that? Jacob and I had been leading up to that for a long, long time. He’d tried twice before. Why hadn’t I said to him then, “Don’t _ever_ try that again?” Was it because-

“Why are you staring at me, Bella?”                                                                                    

I jumped, startled and guilty. “I’m not staring at you.”

“You are,” he shook his head. “You’ve been looking at me funny all day. Do I smell or something?” He lifted his arm and sniffed. Then he noticed the candles that were still burning. “Are you still reading that book?”

“I just stopped.”

“Is it that good?”

“It’s… it’s… “ I felt my cheeks redden. “Jacob, you bought me a dirty book!”

“What?! Let me see!” He reached back and grabbed it before I could stop him and opened it up to the page where I’d left off. I watched him skim it for a minute and his eyes grew wider and his face broke into a huge grin, and then he broke into laughter. “This is filthy!” he crowed. “No wonder you’ve been reading it all day. I thought you were wriggling around over there more than usual tonight.”

“I was not!” I tried to grab the book from him, but he held tight and pulled it away.

“Can I read this?” He opened it back up over his head and read some more.

“No! It’s mine! Give it back Jacob.”

“Whoa, go Raoul! Bella, I can’t believe you’re reading this. I am shocked and appalled,” he snorted.

“You’re the one who bought it for me.”

“Well,” he placed the book underneath his back, “I think I need to hold onto this. For your own good. I don’t want anyone accusing me of corrupting your innocence.”

“Jacob, give me the book back.”

“No, Bella. It’s for your own good. You’ll thank me later.”

“Jacob Black, you’re being a dick. Now give me my book back.”

He looked at me in mock horror. “Now see, it’s started already. The corruption has begun.”

I knew he was playing, but now he was making me mad. He was sounding like Lauren with the snide comments.

 _Which reminded me_ …

“So, you think your _girlfriend_ will miss you when we get back?”

“Huh?”

“I saw you last week, outside with Lauren at the graduation party.”

“Who’s Lauren?” He was genuinely confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Your little friend you were sharing a beer with, who tried to kiss you!”

Recognition dawned on his face. Then he looked confused again, before his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed tight. “ _Did_ I kiss her?”

I didn’t answer right away.  I didn’t even know why I’d brought it up or what I was accusing him of. “No,” I told him begrudgingly.

“How do you even know about that? Did she tell you?”

“No, but I notice you didn’t tell me either.”

“Why would I tell you that? You want me to tell you that your friend came onto me? Your friends were a little stoned. I mean, you were there when they chanted for me to take off my shirt. God,” he shook his head disgustedly. “And by the way, I didn’t share my beer with her, she helped herself. Your friends are all a little rude.”

“She’s not my friend,” I muttered.

“And what about you? You’ve been leading that Mike guy around by the nose since your junior year. If his eyes followed your ass around any closer that night, they’d have been permanently stuck to the back of your pants.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing.

“What’s the story with you and him anyway? Did you ever actually date him? That was around the time we were hanging out; _remember when we used to hang out, Bella_? Were you seeing him too?”

I gaped at him as he stared hard at me, his jaw clenched. How had the conversation taken such a turn? One minute we were joking around about the book and the next, we were ready to claw each other’s eyes out.

Over people who were so inconsequential to both of us, it was a joke. I knew Lauren never really had a chance in hell with Jacob, and he knew I was never interested in Mike that way. So why were we getting pissed at each other?

“Jacob,” I got a grip on myself and the fire went right out of me. “I’m sorry. I saw the whole thing with you and Lauren – I was at the window and heard it all. I saw her try to kiss you. And I saw you stop her. And I think you know I never dated Mike. I never thought of him that way. You were the only person I wanted to spend time with in those days.” I touched his shoulder. “And still, even today. I would take you over a million Mikes. Or Jessicas. Or a million of any of them.”

His eyes burned intensely in the candlelight. “What about one Edward?”

I swallowed. “Don’t do that. You know how much you mean to me. I love you, Jacob.”

He looked down, as if he’d been defeated. Even when I told him I loved him, it was never enough. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. What more could I tell him? What was more important, a higher priority than love?

“What do you want from me Jacob? What can I say to you that means more than I love you?”

He shook his head and a sad little smile played across his lips. “Nothing, Bella.” He blew the candles out, extinguishing two, but one stubbornly remained lit.

“Hey,” I smiled. “I still want my book back.”

He smiled, his Jacob smile, the one that could charm the birds from the trees. He wiggled and settled back, crossing his arms behind his head.

“Ja-cob,” I said warningly.

Enough of this.

I lunged across the sleeping bag at him, my arms around his waist, searching desperately for the book behind his back. My giggles were muffled against his stomach as he laughed and tried to get the book away from me. He got it back and rolled me off of him, tossing the book aside and pinning my hands together over my head.

“It’s for your own good, Bella.” He poked me in the side and I squealed. “Lavinia is going to get poked.” He laughed. “Lavinia is going to get poked by Raoul.” He poked me again and I bucked and screamed in laughter. “Oh, I think you like being poked.”

“Stop Jacob!” I gasped. “Please! Stop!”

His smiled relaxed as he let go of my hands and his gaze swept over me and I felt the mood shifting in the room. Changes like boundaries were going to be attempted to be crossed.

My eyes widened slightly and my smile faded and the only sound in the room was our labored breathing from the exertion of playing.

I waited.

Our eyes were locked and I had no idea what my expression was, but I didn’t move. I let Jacob take complete control of the moment.

“Bella.”

I shut my eyes in submission, giving him a visual clue that I was placing the ball in his court.

Nothing happened.

I opened my eyes just in time to see his face moving toward my own, his eyes closed. Just before our lips met, his eyebrows wrinkled in confusion and he pulled away.

He blew out the last candle and moved away from my side. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” I told him, confused.

The feeling of rejection and disappointment made me ache. But these were familiar emotions; I forced them down like I always did and tried to go to sleep.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

_A/N: The horoscopes that Bella read aloud to Jacob were their actual horoscopes that I pulled from a Droid app on my phone the day of writing this. The appropriateness was ironic, so I used them, with a little editing since they were too long in their entirety._

_I know a lot of you have had long days and logging in to **review** takes a whole thirty seconds or so (yes, I’m being sarcastic), but please leave a review.  This is the only feedback that a writer has that their story is being enjoyed – or not (goes both ways!).  Thanks.  <3_

 


	5. Chapter Five

 

**Chapter Five**

**Day 6**

 

“Okay, shut your eyes, Bells.”

“No, I wanna go first. You shut your eyes.”

“How about we go at the same time? I’ll show you mine and then you show me yours.”

I quirked my eyebrow at him and burst out laughing.

“Okay, Bella,” he laughed. “You’ve been reading too much of that book. Get your mind out of the gutter.”

“Well, my surprise is right here. Turn around a second.” As soon as Jacob turned his back to me, I threw our jack-of-all-trades blanket over the blackberries I’d found this morning and wanted to surprise him with. “Okay, turn around.”

He eyed the blanket with a grin, wondering what I was hiding for him underneath it. Then he led me to the door and made me shut my eyes. He walked behind me, guiding me by the elbows, a short distance away from the cabin and then stopped.

“Ready? Okay, open your eyes.”

I pulled the blanket off over the blackberries as I opened my eyes.

“Surprise!” We each yelled at the same time.

Jake happily took the berries from my hands and began popping them in his mouth, as I wandered closer to the contraption that Jacob – I think – made himself.

It was about five by four feet and made from the wood of the tree he’d been hacking at the past couple days. I sat on it. “Is it a raft?”

“Yep,” he said, his mouth full of blackberries. “Where did you find these? They’re delicious.”

“On the trail that goes up in back of the cabin,” I murmured as I tested the sturdiness of the raft.

“Will this really float?” I asked him.

“I test drove it earlier and I didn’t sink. You like it?”

“When can we try it out? Can we go fishing on this?”

I didn’t know Jacob was so resourceful. I knew he was a master when it came to automotives, but that his mad skills encompassed such a broad range was impressive.

The harsh words and close encounter from the night before were forgotten. At least that seemed to be what we were pretending today.

And that was fine with me.

It was a tight fit for the two of us, but we managed to take the raft out on the lake. We ended up leaving our fishing poles behind though. There just wasn’t enough room to maneuver all that in such a small space.

We fished for a while in the late afternoon when we came back and caught enough for dinner for the two of us. I was really proud of us. I still wanted to go home and I desperately missed Edward, but Jake and I were really making this work. We made a pretty good team.

After a full day of sunshine and surprises, rafting and fishing, we came back to the shack, tired and tan. Well, Jake was tan. I’d tried to stay covered up, but my nose and my shoulders were just a little pink.

Another highlight of the day: I was ready to toss my brace – my hand was feeling strong and pain-free now, so we threw it in the fire together before we put the fish on.

I set the table with the paper plates and our plastic utensils. I went to get us a couple of sodas and saw the Rainier beer that Jacob had found in the cubbyhole when we’d first gotten here. Beer didn’t go bad, did it? Instead of the sodas, I put a beer for each of us on the table, giggling to myself.

 

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 

Apparently, beer did not go bad. I couldn’t finish mine; it tasted awful, so Jake and I poured mine out on the dirt outside the door. But, we toasted each other before digging into our fish dinner.

By the time we were finished it was dark outside and the fire was dying down, so we lit our candles to give us some light. Jacob was getting ready to go check in with Sam and I was starting to feel the melancholy that always seemed to settle over me at this time in the evening.

I watched Jake go out the door and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking: _Please let tonight be the night Sam says it’s safe to go home_.

Yet I steeled myself for the worst.

I picked up my book to get my mind off Jake and Sam. I couldn’t really concentrate and must have read the same sentence five times without comprehending it. Something about ice-cubes. Raoul used the ice-cube from his drink and ran it down Lavinia’s throat and over her chest. My brain linked the sensation with Edward’s icy lips on my neck and I whimpered.

I let my head drop onto the book and allowed my tears to flow. We were never going home. Charlie was probably going to give himself a stroke with worry and it would be all my fault.

Jacob came back in just when I was really getting myself wound up.

“Let me guess – we can’t go home yet?” I hollered at him before he’d barely made it into the room. I jumped up as my grief turned into anger. Unfortunately, I was going to take it out on the wrong person. It certainly wasn’t Jacob’s fault. But I didn’t care. He was the only one handy at the moment.

“The Volturi are never going to leave Forks, are they? We’re going to be here forever!”

I think he was stunned and a little unsure of what to do, so he just let me get it out.

“Aren’t we?” I went up to him and shoved him. “ _Aren’t we_?”

He held onto my arms while I tried to hit him, but I couldn’t break away from him. “I told him! I told him before we left to just change me! If he had just changed me like I’d asked, we wouldn’t be here!”

His hands went limp at my words and I pulled free and shoved him again. “He should have changed me!”

Jacob’s face went hard and the sudden quiet in the room hung dangerous and silent.

“You asked him to what?” His voice was so low and husky, I hardly heard him. “What the hell are we doing here, Bella? Is that what your plan is? To run back to him and make him change you as soon as we get back? Is that why I’m here risking my life for you? Is that why I dropped everything to keep you safe? Is that why I left my father alone? Left my friends? My pack? My _life?_ Just to stall your death? Just to put it off for a few days or a few weeks? Fuck that!”

I backed up a little, taken aback at the force of his frustration.

“ _I’m_ the one that got you out of there,” he told me, coming toward me and pointing at his chest. “ _I’m_ the one protecting you. _I’m_ the one who saved your life and kept you safe this whole last year, after _HE_ opened the door and _invited_ all the danger in. Me, Bella! Me!”

My back hit the far wall and Jacob leaned in, his hands on either side of me so I couldn’t get away. His gaze lowered and he scanned my body, coming in close. “He’s so _perfect_ ,” he snarled the word. “He can’t even take care of you,” his finger brushed down the length of my arm, “physically.”

He pushed himself away and stood back, shaking his head. “You’ve got to get from a _book_ , what you should be getting from… “

He started to turn and walk away, but he looked back at me and added something quietly. “I can keep you safe – I think I’ve proven repeatedly that I can. But I could take care of you in any way you needed me to, Bella.”

Then his lip curled and a cruel smile marred his face. “But you just go back to your book, Bella. It’s safer that way. Nice and safe. Just the way you like it.”

He dropped his head, and turned around. “I’ll be back,” he said huskily and headed out the door.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 

I sat there for a long time in the dark, thinking about what he’d said. He was right. He was absolutely right. I’d always said I didn’t deserve to have Jacob in my life. And I’d had no right to go off on him like that.

He’d left his dad all alone and his pack one man short, just to keep me safe. And how did I repay him? I got in his face. I shoved him. I tried to hit him.

He just…

Jacob had an affect on me like no one else. My emotions always flew off the handle with him.

Now I didn’t even know where he’d gone or when he’d be back. It would serve me right if he _never_ came back _._

He’d been gone a long time. I knew he wouldn’t really leave me here, but what if he’d gotten hurt? Or the vampires tracked us here and had him now? What would they do to him? My stomach clenched in fear.

“Jacob,” I whispered his name into the candle and watched the flame flicker and steady itself.

_Where was he??_

I jumped up from the ground and began pacing the small shack. God, please let him be okay. I stopped in my pacing periodically to look out the window or open the door and call his name. Crickets and frogs were the only response I received from the darkness.

I couldn’t survive out here without Jacob. I stopped in my tracks. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t survive without Jacob, period. I needed him. No matter how frustrating he was, no matter how complicated our relationship…

The door opened and I rushed at him before he’d even had time to shut it.

“Where were you?! Don’t ever do that again!” His back was to the door and he looked at me, confused. “Ever! Do you hear me? Don’t. Ever. Leave me. Again!”

I grabbed his face in my hands and pressed my mouth against his. I heard the gasp in his throat as his lips immediately responded and moved against mine. After one stunned moment, he grabbed me and pulled me closer, his fingers gripping my waist so tightly, I knew he’d leave marks.

The coarse, scratchy stubble on his face was rough under my palms. I moved one hand away and grasped onto the silky hair at the back of his head, feeling it soft between my fingers.

“Bella.” He pulled away and kissed my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that.”

“Jacob? Stop talking.” I pulled his face back to mine and I felt his lips curl into a brief smile. Then he parted my lips and I sighed when his tongue found mine.

This was what kissing should be like. It was better than when we’d kissed before because this time I was an eager participant.

He lowered his mouth to my neck. “You’re not going to punch me this time, are you?” he murmured against my throat.

“I can’t.” My voice came out deep and hoarse. “We threw my brace in the fire, remember?”

“Mmmm, that’s right.” His mouth hummed against my skin and chills ran down my spine.

The shack grew quiet with just the sound of our kisses and every now and then a sigh, like a whisper.

Jacob walked forward, pushing me backward along with him toward our sleeping bag. We both lowered onto our knees, never removing our hands or our mouths from the others. He gathered my hair and held it back, making my neck fully accessible before he planted hot kisses on the tender flesh there. I jerked and shuddered as the receptive nerve endings tingled sending ripples over my shoulders and down my spine.

“I won’t ever leave you, Bella. I promise,” he murmured against my throat. “That stands whether you can make the same promise to me or not.”

“I won’t either! I promise!” I cried. I grasped his upper arms tightly and tried to convey my feelings as I crashed my mouth against his.

My hands slid down his chest and I ran my fingers over the deep muscled dimples of his stomach, as I had imagined doing just last night. Or was it two nights ago? I couldn’t remember, but I knew that since we had been here, his body had been like a flashing neon light to me, calling my attention to it, while I’d always taken its beauty for granted before.

“Bella, are you sure about this?” He trembled beneath my fingers.

I answered him by pulling him down to meet my lips again.

I had never really kissed anyone before this. Not really. _This_ is what the fuss was all about.

It was about abandon.

Hands free to move and roam, softly stroking then firmly squeezing. Lips gentle, parted and sweet, and then open and hungry. Tasting and exploring, sometimes quietly, then greedily.

Like waves on the sea; the intensity resting and soothingly calm before the excitement rose and plummeted.

I don’t know how long we carried on, both of us on our knees and then lowering down onto the sleeping bag, but after many breathless apologies and promises to one another, once my lips felt swollen and bruised, I settled down into Jacob’s side, warm and content, and we fell asleep together.

~~``intoxicating``~~

**Day 7**

“Where are you going?” I hollered loudly, so he could hear me over the motor and the wind rushing past us.

He turned his head slightly and hollered back at me. “I’m going to drive a little bit further and see if there’s a bigger town up ahead.”

After waking up with my back pressed into Jake’s burning chest and his arms wrapped securely around me, we were a little shy and uncomfortable with each other, trying to gauge if the other had changed their mind in the morning’s light. I knew I hadn’t. It had taken some yelling and a good dose of fear for me to admit that Jacob meant way more to me than I was admitting to myself.

And there’s nothing like the reality of the possible loss of someone to get you in touch with your true feelings for them.

And his passionate loss of temper over the possibility of losing _me_ was kinda hot.

But we had a problem. We were out of food again. We were forced to buy such limited amounts because the length of time we would be here was indefinite and we only had so much room to load things in the canvas bag on the back of the bike.

It had rained during the still-dark, early morning hours, but broke shortly after sunrise. So I pulled my heavy jacket on and we took off.

We passed our usual stop and kept on going. Jacob drove about 20 minutes further and a neighborhood of brand new homes surfaced They were big, beautiful homes on expensive new lots out in the middle of nowhere.

There was also a big new Wal-mart superstore, for the wealthy people retiring out here in the mountains or maintaining vacation homes for their families.

Jake pulled over into a small strip mall. Besides the Walmart, there was an Italian restaurant, a taqueria and a pizza parlor. A dry cleaner for all your special cleaning needs, two small clothing boutiques, and dueling gas stations on either corner. It felt like Las Vegas after the seclusion of the last week.

We took a hand basket to fill, just to be on the safe side. I didn’t know about Jacob, but I felt like a kid in a candy store and I would probably fill a shopping cart and then we wouldn’t be able to fit everything on the back of the bike.

 _Necessities_ , I told myself as I passed two rows of candy and a lingerie department with new underwear, which I desperately needed. _Wanted,_ I reminded myself. There’s a difference.

We went a little crazy anyway. We got some new shorts and underwear for Jacob and a new top and some underwear for me. And cookies along with the granola bars, and warm banana bread from the bakery.

“I’ll be right back. I need to uh, I need to go get… something.”

“What do you need to get?”

“Just go pay for those, and I’ll meet you at the front door.”

“O-kay.” He was acting a little weird. He gave me some money and then he headed for another department and I went to checkout.

I placed all our items on the moving surface and waited my turn. The cashier was young, about my age with bright red hair and a freckled face. I watched the register adding up the total, hoping I had enough. Every time I looked up, the guy was smiling at me. Brad, his name tag said. I smiled back at him hesitantly, when he told me the total and I handed him two $50 bills.

“You look really familiar. Are you on one of those reality tv shows or something?”

Was he kidding me? Was that a pick-up line or something? He looked serious.

“No.” I giggled, shaking my head.

“Well, you’re pretty enough to be,” Brad told me, handing me my change. “You sure you’re not on tv?”

“I was thinking the same thing.” The older woman behind me told the two of us. “I was thinking I knew her from somewhere.”

Something wasn’t right. I had to get out of here.

I put my head down and shook it. “Must have me confused with someone else,” I mumbled.

I backed up and headed for the front exit as quickly as possible. Thank god Jacob was already there, waiting for me.

“Let’s get out of here,” I told him as he took my hand.

The automatic doors opened, parting the way to the parking lot. I was just opening my mouth to tell him about the odd encounter at the checkout stand, when I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

It was me. My own face stared out at me from a streetlight pole just at the edge of the lot, with the word MISSING emblazoned above it. I automatically looked around, and there was another one, plastered on the ad’s wall with all of the day’s sales posted on it. How did we both miss that on our way in?

I felt Jacob’s hand tighten around mine and he gave a little tug to hurry. I knew he’d just seen the poster on the light pole too. I wanted to rip it down as we passed, but I didn’t want to draw any further attention to myself. We needed to just hightail it out of here as quickly as possible.

“Hey!” We were almost to the bike when someone yelled out at us as they rushed across the lot toward us. “Hey!”

“Get on the bike, Bells. Get on the bike,” Jake said out of the side of his mouth as we ignored the gray-haired man flagging us with his arms, getting closer.

“Hey! Young man!” He was on us – there was nothing Jake could do but act casual and turn around. I could actually see Jake’s shirt thumping rhythmically in time to his heartbeat.

“Can I help you with something?” Jake’s voice came out deeper and more controlled than usual.

“You forgot your bag, young man.” He handed Jacob a small white paper bag, then shook his head and began walking back toward the store.

Jacob visibly sighed with relief before his ears turned red and he shoved the bag into the canvas pouch.

“What did you get?” I asked him.

“Nothing. Here, give me the rest of the stuff, and I’ll put it all in here. We need to get the hell out of here, fast.”

He shoved it all in and zipped the bag shut. Then he climbed on in front of me, started the bike, and we hit the road.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

It started to sprinkle when we were halfway home. By the time we pulled up to the shack, it was coming down. So we grabbed our things and ran in.

As I unpacked the food, I wondered what in the world Charlie thought had happened to me. Did he think I’d run away? Edward was still in Forks and if I was going to run away, that was the logical person I would run away with. Charlie would know I wouldn’t leave without Edward. He must think someone had kidnapped me. I’m sure he didn’t know whether to think I was dead or alive.

And what was Edward going through? The Volturi weren’t leaving – there must be a lot of tension in the Cullen house right now.

I glanced over at Jacob, who was trying to untangle some fishing line. It looked like a lost cause to me. But he was very patiently working the strings and loosening the knots.

I was starting to feel like a caged animal. Being stuck inside the cabin was the worst. The weight of guilt I felt between Charlie and Edward was beginning to get very heavy.

Edward had been lying to the Volturi for the past week, and they weren’t leaving! Obviously they felt the Cullens weren’t being truthful with them. Edward and his family must be walking on eggshells. One wrong move, one wrong answer…

And how had I been spending my time? Oh, just making out with my best friend.

And really, really liking it.

I had done more in one night _just kissing_ Jacob than I had done in a year with Edward. There were so many ways to kiss! Who knew?

Being with Edward made me feel like someone with a masters degree and tons of potential who gets a job at an exciting Forbes Top 100 executive corporation - and is only allowed to stay in the first floor lobby and open the door for people. A thriving business with 100 floors and tons of room for growth and promotion, but a year later, I’m still just standing there in the same spot letting everyone else in.

It was a crappy analogy. But after all this time we’d been together Edward and I had not progressed beyond step one -- bottom floor, holding the door. And that sucked.

I was not allowed to let my hands roam beyond his shoulders or his arms, because then he might get excited and lose control. I could not part my lips because his saliva was venomous and I would be dead or turned on the spot. His razor-sharp teeth warranted keeping my tongue in my own mouth if I wanted to keep it.

Making love was about losing control. Doing things with one person you trusted that you would never allow yourself to do with random people that you co-existed with every day.

Yes, Edward’s scent made me dizzy, and when his cold lips pressed against my neck, the chills that transpired almost made me pass out. But, I wanted to touch him. All over. And I wanted to brush my tongue against his. And I wanted to… to…

Dammit! I wanted to **do** stuff!

I got up off the floor and marched to Jacob’s side of the room and sat down beside him.

“What’s up, Bells?” he mumbled, working a particularly large knot.

“Can I try something?”

“Sure, sure,” he said, half listening to me and concentrating on the line.

I reached over and took the fishing line out of his hands and placed it on the floor alongside me. That got his attention. “Can I try something?” I repeated.

“Yeah, sure.”

I looked at him for a minute. How did I want to do this? I took the bottom corner of his shirt.

“Can you take this off?”

He looked at me oddly, but removed it quickly and set it down on his lap.

I studied his torso. Where did I want to start? I moved my hand over his abs. They kind of fascinated me. There was a lot going on there under the skin, I loved the way the muscles grooved and dipped.

Jacob leaned back on his hands, watching me, giving me better access to touch.

There was a maze-like effect to his stomach muscles. It reminded me of those puzzles they had you do in school that said: start here, and then you had to find your way to the finish at the other side of the page without hitting a dead end. I ran my index finger from just below his chest and all around, following the path as it moved around, from one side to the other and wound its way down. I traced my way back and forth and back up again, finally ending at the button of his pants.

He started to reach out for me, but I stopped him. I shook my head. “Just let me do this.”

He nodded, breathless. I leaned over and kissed the scorching skin I had just traced with my finger. I had to get on my hands and knees to use my lips, so I maneuvered myself before kissing the same path my finger had just followed. Somewhere in the midst of maze blazing, I switched to my tongue until I had finally kissed and/or licked every spot of skin on the front of Jacob Black’s bare torso.

I don’t know when he had started breathing heavily, but I became aware of it as I blew over the moistened skin as a coup de grace to my experiment.

I sat back on my heels. “Thanks Jacob.”

Jacob’s eyes looked glazed. “Any time,” he told me, his voice husky.

I smiled to myself as I walked away.

I _liked_ doing stuff.

 

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

_A/N Know what I like? Reviews! Please leave one. Kthanxbai._


	6. Chapter Six

 

**Chapter Six**

 

“You know, you never really tell me what you and Sam… talk about at night.” I poked my fingers in the crumbs of my banana bread, eating them off the ends of my fingertips.

“Well, you didn’t really give me a chance to when I came in last night, now did you?”

I squirmed uneasily at the immature meltdown I’d had the night before. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“That’s okay.” He smiled. “There’s really not that much to tell. Usually he just says not to come home yet and then tells me what’s going on with the pack.”

“Does he ever tell you about my dad? I mean, Jacob, he’s got flyers up this far away from Forks?”

“Bella, he’s the Chief of Police. He’s got connections. There are probably flyers up of you in Siberia.”

I tried to smile, but it died on my lips. “Does he think I’m dead?” I whispered.

“I don’t know. He’s focusing on finding you. That’s what he told my dad.”

I looked up suddenly. “Does Charlie know you’re gone? My father’s not stupid, he’s gonna put two and two together if you’re missing too.”

“My dad’s got it covered. Just in case, he told Charlie last week when we left, that I was in Hawaii for the summer, visiting my sister.”

“Oh, that’s good.” That would explain why there was only my picture on the MISSING poster.

Something told me not to ask my next question, but I had to know if Sam had given Jacob any details on what was going on. “What about the Cullens? Do you think they’re okay?”

Jacob’s eyes shifted away from mine and he got up to throw his napkin away. “I’m sure they’re fine, Bella.”

He pulled his shirt off over his head. “In fact, it’s that time of night again.” He came over to me and squat down beside me. “Don’t worry so much. I’ll take care of you.” He kissed me softly and I leaned forward to prolong it when he started to pull away. It was the first time we’d kissed today after last night.

“I have to go Bells,” he groaned, giving me one more quick kiss before he stood up and went out the door.

I went over and laid down on top of the sleeping bag and pulled my book out from under my hoodie, which I had been using as a pillow. I pulled the candles closer to me so I could read while Jake was gone. Some nights he was gone for less than five minutes and other nights he didn’t come back for at least thirty.

I was going to make damn sure I did not think of Edward or Charlie tonight. There was nothing I could do; I had no way to contact them, so worrying about them did no one any good. And it upset Jacob to see me so upset.

I focused my attention on Lavinia and Raoul, who, last time I left off was kissing Lavinia goodbye before going to battle the next day. _Where_ he was kissing her was what had had me squirming against the hard wood floor beneath my sleeping bag the other night.

I had only gotten a few pages in when Jake came back in. He glanced over at me reading and grinned.

“You reading that book again?” he asked, coming over to sit down next to my prone form.

“Mmm-hmmm.” I pretended to be engrossed and ignored him.

“Why don’t you read it out loud? I’d like to hear some too.”

“I don’t think so!” I snorted.

“Why not? What’s he doing Bells? Huh?” He teased me.

“Is he doing this?” He got down on his side next to me and blew in my ear and then nibbled on my earlobe.

It tickled and I shrieked, giggling.  I swatted him away and pretended to continue to read.

“Or is he doing this?” He buried his face in the crook of my shoulder and blew a loud raspberry against my neck.

I was shaking with laughter, but ignored him some more as if I was oblivious.

Jacob was nothing if not persistent.

“Or maybe this?” He grabbed the book and tossed it, turning me onto my back and kissing me all over my face, making theatrical “mwah, mwah” smacking sounds like the idiot he was.

“Stop!” I laughed. “I can’t breathe!”

He pulled back, chuckling.

“No, that’s not what he was doing,” I told him, smirking.

“I know.” He leaned down, his face close to mine. “I know what he was doing,” he said softly. “I read some the other night, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” I looked away, embarrassed. I had forgotten about that. He _had_ read it.

“I’m willing to try that, if you’ll let me.”

“Jacob!” If it was possible to combust from embarrassment, I would.

I picked up the book where he had tossed it by my feet and opened it again, back to ignoring him.

“It’s like that, huh? You prefer Raoul over me?”

I was giggling silently, but refused to look at him.

“Okay.” He pretended to be hurt. “Be that way.”

He got up and I thought he was going to leave for a minute, but he knelt by the door and unzipped the side pocket of his canvas bag.

“Here.” He lifted something out. “You and Raoul are going to need these.”

He tossed something at me, which of course I didn’t catch, but dropped by my chest. I picked it up; it was a box. I turned it over and read the label.

Oh. My. God. It was a box of condoms.

I threw them at him. “So that’s what you bought! We thought we were busted today because you forgot to take the bag with _those_ in them?”

He put them away and zipped the bag back up.

“Why did you buy those?” I asked him quietly.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, looking down. He came over and lay alongside me again. He pushed my hair behind my ear. “I don’t want to take any chances.”

He leaned in slowly and my next question died on my lips as he kissed me softly. Soft, gentle, kisses were my favorite. And I don’t know how or why, but Jacob was a master at them.

He had me pressed against the floor and his upper body was on top of mine. My left hand was in his hair and his fingertips gently stroked the length of my outstretched arm. He brushed the pads of his fingers over my palm and then up over my forearm, circling the crease at my elbow, then up to the sensitive skin of my upper inner arm.

He came tantalizingly close to my breast every time he brushed my upper arm. I held my breath as he stroked past it, half hoping he would move his palm just an inch or so, and run it over the swell of my chest.

The edge of his thumb brushed the outside curve and his tongue dove into my mouth, and I felt a throbbing between my legs.

On its next passing, the whole edge of his hand slid along the side of my breast, and I turned my body toward it; putting it right in his path should he choose to pass it by again.

He did.

His whole hand engulfed it and he squeezed my breast gently.

“Bells,” he whispered. I arched my back, pushing myself against his palm. His hand was warm as he found my nipple and rubbed his fingertips against it through my shirt, coaxing it into a hard nub. My body bowed and a moan came from my diaphragm when he grasped the bud through my top and pinched it.

 _I should stop him_ , I thought. But when his hand crept underneath my shirt, I couldn’t.

 _Just a little bit more_.

I was setting boundaries in my head and then breaking them. What had started with _we’re just going to kiss_ , became _nothing below the waist._

In less than 10 minutes, I gave Jacob free rein to do whatever he wanted to me from the waist, up.

When he brushed the underside of my breast, underneath my shirt, with the pad of his fingers, my thighs involuntarily pressed together.  I was so focused on his hand that I literally squeaked when he brought his mouth down, took my nipple between his teeth and bit down gently through my shirt. He pulled on one nipple with his teeth and the opposite one with his fingers.

I writhed as the throbbing between my legs searched for something to move against it. A hand, a body, _anything_.

Was it any wonder I didn’t object, but instead helped him, when he lifted my shirt up over my head? His heated skin lowered on top of my now bare torso and I hissed between my teeth.

I didn’t even feel him undo the back of my bra – I just managed to arch my back like a cat against him when I noticed there was nothing separating us.

We lay there for a long time, the silky smoothness of skin gliding against each other in a kaleidoscope of kisses and caresses.

At one point, I swung my body, rolling Jacob onto his back and landing astride him, on top. My giggle at the finesse of my maneuver died with a gasp as I landed directly on top of Jacob’s erection.

I froze as he groaned. I’m sure my warm crotch was the last thing he expected me to fling at him. I admit I didn’t move away as quickly as I could have. The pressure of him against me right where I needed it was too good to not appreciate for just a second. Nevertheless, I rolled off, grabbing my shirt off the floor, and put it back on quickly.

“Sorry,” I apologized, lying back down, putting a small separation between us as I did.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” He touched my cheek.

“I’m sorry for… for just… “

“Don’t,” he told me. “Don’t do that. Don’t apologize. I’m not sorry for anything. And I don’t want you to be either.”

“Okay,” I whispered, nodding.

“That’s just what you do to me. It’s a good thing.” He blew the candles out and pulled me into his side. He was right. It was a good thing.

For us.

But what about Edward?

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

**Day 8**

“I wish I could go with you.” I tried not to whine.

“I wish you could too, but we can’t chance anyone recognizing you from the MISSING posters, Bells.”

I stood back and he started the bike.

“At least I’ll be able to take a good look at the posters this time.” He hollered over the motor.

I nodded before he leaned toward me and I bent over to kiss him before he pulled his helmet on.

“Be careful,” I told him.

I watched him ride off, toward town.

I was not happy about being stuck here alone. But I decided it would be the perfect time to clean up in the lake and wash some of our clothes. We didn’t have a lot and they got sweaty and dirty quickly around here.

If I started now I would be clean and dry before Jacob got back. I grabbed my book thinking I could read while I dried off in the sun. I’d been reading the same page for the last two days, it would be nice to lose myself in the story again with no interruptions or distractions.

I put the soap by my book and picked up Jacob’s clothes off the floor. It was just his shorts and a couple of t-shirts. I knew he had another pair of jeans that he’d worn up here and I thought I’d wash those too for him. I looked around for them. Had he actually folded them up and put them in his canvas bag? I was impressed.

I smiled as I unzipped it and fumbled around, looking underneath his underwear. There was a pair of dirty socks in here and I pulled them out to take down to the water. There they were. I pulled his jeans out and out of habit, stuck my hand in his back pockets to make sure he didn’t leave any money in them like Charlie always seemed to. I was glad I had checked – he had some papers folded up that he had stuck in there. I took them out, glancing at them with disinterest, and placed them back in Jake’s bag.

I don’t know what made me pick them back up. Curiosity? Destiny?

But I did.

They were both folded neatly; two of them. They had been torn from a newspaper. I saw the date at the top of the page on the first one before I unfolded it. It was from Monday’s paper. The second day we were here.

**Family of Seven Perish as Home Burns to the Ground in Suspected Arson**

I started gasping, fumbling, as I tried to fold the paper back into a neat square.

_No._

_No._

It’s not what I’m thinking it is. It couldn’t be.

I dropped the paper onto the floor and held onto the window ledge and pushed down against it to force the air into my lungs.

I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to know.

Jacob wouldn’t keep something like that from me. It had to mean something else. It had to.

My hands were shaking as I bent over and picked up the papers. I was making thick rasping noises in my throat as I tried to breathe. I opened up the clipping and forced myself to read the rest, telling myself that it couldn’t be what my gut was telling me it was.

The first sentence crashed down on me, as my biggest fears came true.

**Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife, Esme, along with their five adopted children – Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice Cullen were all home sleeping when a suspected arsonist started the fire in the early morning hours of Sunday, May 30 th. The ashes are being combed in a search for remains.**

The last remnants of air were sucked from my lungs before the room went black.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

**Day 9**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Early evening of Day 10**

_He looks like he’s going to cry._

It’s the first rational thought I’ve had in two days.

“Please Bella, you have to eat something, honey.”

I tried to answer him, but I was too weary to even speak.

“Come on, honey. Look, I picked some of the blackberries. They’re your favorite. Just a couple.” He held one out and I stared blankly at it. “At least drink some water.”

When I didn’t move a muscle, he lifted the bottled water to my lips and to his relief, I let him pour some in my mouth and drank it. My throat was so parched, the cool liquid quenched the dryness and I tilted my head back for more.

“That’s a girl.” He’d pour some water down my throat and then patiently wait a few minutes before bringing it back to my lips. He had me propped on his lap so I was lying on our sleeping bag, with my head against his shoulder.

It wasn’t much, but that’s how we spent the afternoon and night of day ten. Jacob was so relieved that I responded to him and he had gotten some water in me, he was afraid to ask for much of anything else. I was numb. My body came back to semi-life, but blissfully, my brain was not ready just yet.

The last clear memory I had was of clinging to the window-pane and trying to breathe before I passed out. The recollection felt like a physical blow and I bent in half with the intensity of it and cried out.

Jacob stroked my hair and pressed me closer against him in the dark as he whispered reassurances and promises in my ear all night long.

**Day 11**

When Jacob asked me that morning if I would please eat some pancakes and I nodded my head, I thought his face would crack from the released tension he’d held there.

I didn’t really want to eat, but my stomach was so empty, it hurt. I was able to form the thought that it was a good thing that I was hungry. I had gone through something similar to this last year when Edward left me, and I didn’t eat for 3 months. That my body was working enough to tell me I was hungry after 3 days, was good.

I didn’t think Edward was coming back that time. I knew he wasn’t coming back this time.

I barked out a loud, choking sob and broke down for the first time since reading the newspaper article. Jacob pulled the pan from the camp stove and came to me, drawing me against him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I sobbed, burying my head in his chest. I couldn’t help feeling like my best friend had betrayed me by keeping it from me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I kept repeating it.

“I couldn’t,” he choked. “I couldn’t tell you, honey. I didn’t know how. I’m so sorry.”

“When did you know?”

He stared at the floor, combing his fingers through my hair, comfortingly. “Sam told me the first night. I knew the first night.”

“It’s my fault Jacob!” I could feel hysteria rising in me and I couldn’t fight it down. “It’s my fault they’re all dead!”

He gripped my upper arms and pulled me away, so he could look in my eyes. “No,” he told me firmly. “There is no way in hell that this is your fault. Do not blame yourself for this, Bella. Thank god the Cullens reacted as quickly as they did, or you and Charlie, the pack and I would might all be dead too. It’s a shitty, horrible thing, Bella, but it was unavoidable and _not_ your fault.”

“What did they do to them, Jacob?” I whispered.

He made a face and shook his head, shutting his eyes. “It doesn’t matter, Bella. They’re gone.”

“Did they burn them?” I had to know. As much as it hurt, I had to know. It just didn’t seem real.

He nodded. “When they burned the house down, they were all in it.”

I buried my head back in his chest and tried to stop the pictures in my head. The blazing fire, the screams. I shuddered and found I was too worn out to even cry anymore. Or maybe it was because right now it was all just words and hadn’t truly sunk in yet that they would not be there when we went back.

“Bella? Your dad… “

I stiffened when he hesitated. I couldn’t handle him telling me something had happened to Charlie, now. I would completely lose it. I held my breath.

“Your dad thinks you were in the fire. He’s hoping that you just ran off when you found out Edward was de-, gone. The police are even looking into the possibility that the arsonist kidnapped you. But since no one’s been contacted for ransom or anything, it’s kind of a long-shot.”

“Oh god, Jacob. What am I going to do?”

“There’s nothing we can do right now, Bella. We’re stuck here.”

“The Volturi are really still there in Forks?”

“They’re really still there. Waiting to see if you’ll come back.”

Jacob fed me pancakes and I forced them down. I’d quit and turn my head away after every bite.

“Take another bite.” Jacob would beg. “For me?” he’d coax.

And I would take another.

He didn’t leave my side all day and all night.

He told me stories again that night. He knew the sound of his voice soothed me. We lay together, my back pressed against his chest, his heat all I needed against the damp cold outside.

“You really scared the hell out of me, Bella,” he murmured as sleep crept close. “I’m glad you’re back. I missed you.”

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it. “I missed you too.”

**Day 12**

 

I was shivering. The cold seemed to have seeped into my very bones. The air smelled icy as I inhaled it deeply through my nostrils, and when I opened my eyes, white surrounded me.

The sky above me glared down and I squinted, averting my eyes to the surrounding water. Icy waters with glaciers peeking over the water’s swells here and there.

There was nothing around me as far as the eye could see. Just water, sky and ice.

I heard something in the distance. At first I thought it was a baby crying and I looked around me desperately, wondering what in the world a baby would be doing out here in the middle of this frigid wasteland.

The baby’s cries were echoing, bouncing off the icecaps and rebounding, the sound shifting, growing till it became screaming. Not an infant’s needy wail, but the frightened, terror-stricken shrieks of an adult. What started as one increased to two, three, multi screams swirling and intensifying. I had to cover my ears and yet I could still hear it.

I shook my head frantically and a humongous wall of fire exploded from the ice-capped water, knocking me off my feet and onto my back. My ears rang and a fierce blaze of heat enveloped me and I sank from the chaos around me until a calm descended and all sound ceased.

When I opened my eyes again, I was on the raft, floating on the lake. I could see myself from a distance. Jacob was beside me and I was laughing, giggling at some silly thing he’d said. His arm snaked around my shoulders and I could feel the warmth surrounding me. Peaceful, calm.

I looked toward the shore, and a pale, shimmering figure stood there, watching intently as Jacob and I interacted. My body jerked as my first reaction was to jump up and run to him.

But Jacob was making me laugh, and it was warm here, and I was so comfortable. I decided to pretend I didn’t see the pale boy on the shore and was just turning my head away from him and back to Jacob, when he raised his hand and waved at me. His smile was radiant and he looked so happy. So happy for me.

“Bella.”

I didn’t hear him say my name as much as I felt it. I felt the chill as the word misted over me, like a soft rain. 

He waved enthusiastically again and I lifted my hand and returned his wave as a happiness filled me.

And in that moment I felt him set me free.

Then he was gone.

There were tears on my pillow when I awoke.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

_A/N: Does Archive of Our Own have a problem with readers placing reviews? I can see the stories are getting traffic, which is the only reason I am adding chapters here, but there has been not one review. Did I do or say something wrong? Is it me or this forum? Anybody there? Should I continue to post this or just stop? I’m not being manipulative, I’m just really curious if there’s anybody out there. LOL_

 


	7. Chapter Seven

 

**Chapter Seven**

**Day 12**

Jacob’s worried face was right in front of me when I opened my eyes that morning. The first thing I noticed was that he had shaved. His skin was smooth and flawless.

“Are you okay?” He smoothed my hair back off my face. My hair that had not been washed, let alone brushed, for days. “You were crying in your sleep a few hours ago.”

“I wanna take a bath.” My voice still sounded hoarse from dehydration and crying.

He looked confused. “You were crying because you want to take a bath?”

Only Jacob could coax a smile out of me in my misery without even trying.

“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, you’re going to be the one crying if I don’t bathe soon.”

“You always smell good to me, Bells.” He grinned.

I knew that was a compliment, but it made me nervous. God only knew what Jacob was capable of sniffing on me with his canine sense of smell. Which made me think of something.

“Jacob? I know your sense of smell is extra-heightened, but can you smell, like, emotions? I mean, I know they say dogs can smell fear. Can you smell fear?”

For some reason my question made him chuckle. “Yeeeaaahhh, kind of. I do get a subtle sense of emotional smells, but I get a physical reaction to some emotions too. Like fear has kind of a… bitter smell, but I’ll also feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise. Like a prickly feeling?”

I contemplated his answer for a minute. “What else?”

His ears turned red, and he ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t know, Bella. I feel like a freak, telling you this.”

“Why? You’re not a freak. I think it’s fascinating. Do you know when someone is lying?”

“Oh yeah, but I could tell that even before I phased. Especially you. You’re a lousy liar.” He smiled.

“What about… “

“What about what?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” I pulled the blanket up over my chin, embarrassed. I couldn’’t believe I was going to ask that. But I was dying of curiosity, even though I was mortified to know the answer.

“Come on, Bella, what?” He pulled the blanket down. “You can ask me anything.”

“What about… “

I couldn’t.

Jacob waited patiently for me to spit it out. “What about when someone is… sex-u-ally excited?” I pulled the blanket up over my whole face.

I heard him laughing through his nose. He tugged on the blanket, but I held it tight. “Come out.” He gave another little tug. “Come on, Bella. Come out and I’ll answer you. God, you’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

I shook my head, keeping the blanket firmly held up over my head. I heard him sigh.

“Yes. I can smell when people are sexually excited. Guys get a weird musky scent.” I couldn’t see him, but I could tell his nose was wrinkled in disgust. “But girls give off an almost… I don’t know - like an earthy, sweet scent. When it’s a girl, then sometimes … “ Now _he_ was too embarrassed to go on.

“What?” I asked him from underneath my blanket. “Then, what?” I actually felt braver hidden away undercover.

“Well, like when someone is afraid and our body reacts with the hairs raising on the back of our neck – if a girl is… excited, then… sometimes, our body… _reacts_.”

“Reacts how?” I couldn’t believe I was lying under a blanket, having this conversation.

“It reacts, Bella. It reacts how a guy’s body is supposed to react. You get a … a hard-on.”

“Oh.” I squeaked.

I couldn’t breathe under here. This conversation was making it worse. I was going to have to come out sometime.

“Any other questions?”

I shook my head. That was about all I could handle for one day.

“What’s for breakfast?” I wasn’t hungry at all, but I wanted to change the subject fast. I needed to come up for air soon.

“Come out and I’ll answer you. I can’t talk to you under there. Even though you’re adorable.”

I threw the covers off from over my head and gulped in some cool, fresh air. Jacob laughed for a second and then sobered quickly.

“We’re out of food. I haven’t wanted to leave you alone to go into town. But, I’m going to have to, Bella. Will you be okay?”

I frowned. No, I didn’t want him to leave me. He saw my expression. I was being stupid; he had to go. I took a deep breath and nodded my head slowly. But my eyes filled with tears anyway at the thought of him going and me being all alone here. I wanted to pull the blanket up over my head again so he couldn’t see me. So I did.

“Bella,” he whispered. He sounded half-amused, half-sad. Maybe just a little exasperated. “Come on honey, I won’t be long. I’ll go as quickly as I can. And when I get back, we’ll go fishing. You haven’t been outside in days.” I remained silent as a few tears escaped and ran down my cheeks. “Come on Bells, if you don’t come out I’m gonna start talking about sex and hard-ons again.”

I pulled the blanket off and he laughed at how quickly I reacted to his threat. I tried sitting up, and a wave of dizziness knocked me back flat. _Whoa._

“You okay?”

I nodded and attempted to sit up again, only more slowly this time. I obviously must have made it to the outhouse a few times the last few days, although I had no recollection of it. And I needed to right now.

On wobbly legs, Jake helped me to the door. By the time I made it back to the cabin, I felt a little stronger. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone here, Bella.” He looked torn. “But we need food.” He sat beside me and peered at me anxiously.

“I’m gonna clean-up when you leave,” I told him. “That’s what I was going to do when… “ I couldn’t finish the sentence. But I didn’t have to, he knew what I was going to say. It was when I’d found the newspaper article in Jacob’s back pocket.

“Why don’t you just stay inside while I’m gone? Read your book. Play solitaire. Hell, go back to sleep. I’ll help you take a bath when I get back.”

I looked at him incredulously. “I don’t think so. I ‘m not _that_ incapacitated.”

“Well, at least I’ll be around if something happens or you need me. Just wait. Promise me you’ll wait till I get back.”

I shook my head stubbornly. “I’ll be fine, Jacob. I’m just washing up, not swimming the English Channel.”

He didn’t look happy, but he sighed resignedly. “Don’t go out too deep.”

“I won’t.” I promised.

“I’d better go.” He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head, so his lips landed on my cheek. He tried to hide the hurt look on his face, but I saw it. I was just too confused to jump back to where we’d left off the other day.

“Hurry back,” I told him. That seemed to make him a little happier.

As soon as I heard him start the motor, my heart started beating faster. Being alone with my thoughts was a frightening proposition. I knew from experience that keeping busy was my best defense. So I hauled myself up off the floor slowly and gathered up the soap and the blanket and went down to the water.

The sun was out, but the sky was dotted with thick white clouds and there was a cool breeze. I wanted to do this as quickly as possible. I waded my way in and washed every single inch of myself thoroughly.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

I felt much better once I was clean, but the small amount of sun was not enough to warm me, so I went back to the shack and put my warmest clothes on and tied my wet hair back with a rubber band.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to read; my focus was shot to hell, and I was too fidgety to play solitaire. So I sat on the floor and wrapped the blanket around me to try to stay warm, and stared out the window, my body rocking back and forth as I tried not to think about all that had happened back home.

So, Jacob had known about Edward and his family this whole time. He’d known all week.

I knew that should bother me, but I knew it must have been so hard for him to tell me. Was what he did considered lying? He withheld the truth, but was it technically a lie? I couldn’t help thinking it kind of was. And if he had lied to me about the Cullens – was he lying about Charlie? Was my father still alive?

Maybe the Volturi had burned my house down too, with Charlie sound asleep inside, or worse - maybe they’d hurt him. Maybe Jane had tortured him like she had Edward in Volterra. I personally couldn’t fathom the pain that she was capable of inflicting. For some reason, like Edward’s mind reading, I was immune to her power. But I’d seen her knock Edward to the ground in agony with just her mind.

Her powers on a human? That would probably kill Charlie, or at least incapacitate him while they burned his own home down around him.

I just couldn’t believe Edward was not going to be there when Jacob and I went home. And if my father and my own home were gone, what would I do then? Where would I go?

My heart was pounding hard enough for me to see my sweatshirt moving with its rhythm. My throat was also tightening rapidly and I was beginning to pant as a fight or flight adrenaline pumped through my veins. But there was no one to fight. So instead, I chose flight as I got to my feet and ran out the door. 

I was wearing no shoes and I had no idea where I was fleeing, but I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. Behind the shack and up the rocky path beyond. I felt the sharp edge of rocks and pebbles, brambles and pine needles underneath the bottoms of my tender feet, but I didn’t stop. I ran on, through the trees and up the side of the embankment. When the path ended, I continued on, trampling through the wild grass. I ran until the bottoms of my feet were numb.

I didn’t know how long I was gone or how far I’d traveled, but eventually I ended up face-first in the dead grass after tripping over a large stump hidden beneath the brush. It felt like I laid there for hours, but in actuality it was probably only half an hour or so.

I was aware of his heat before I felt his furry warmth lie beside me and curl into me. I turned my head and cradled it into his side. He made a soft whimpering sound, but let me stay there until my breathing softened and my pulse calmed.

He gently nudged me, I lifted my head, and we locked eyes for a moment, until I shut mine and rubbed my face against his muzzle. He whimpered again, before rising to his feet and backing away a few steps. It seemed so odd to see this massive, noble wolf with an elastic band around its back leg with shorts attached to it. I almost smiled at the sight, but the wolf exploded in front of my eyes and Jacob took its place.

Neither of us said a word as I averted my eyes and Jacob turned away and pulled his shorts from his ankle and put them on.

Unfortunately, the numbness I’d experienced earlier while running was gone, and pain throbbed through my feet and up over my shins. When I finally found the courage to look down, I saw that they were scratched-up with blood smears on them.

Jacob didn’t chastise me or question me. He silently picked me up and carried me wordlessly back. It took him much less time to make it back than it did for me to get wherever it was I ended up.

He laid me down on our sleeping bag and sat at my feet, inspecting the damage.

“Oh Bella,” he whispered. “We need to wash them up.”

He picked me up again and carried me down to the water’s edge and using the bucket and some soap, he cleaned my raw feet. The icy water soothed the burn.

They were pretty scratched up, with some minor cuts on the bottom, but nothing that wouldn’t heal. I should probably stay off them for the rest of the day though.

We had some first-aid cream that we’d bought on the first day, and he applied some of that. He thought we should leave them unwrapped, so we didn’t bandage them.

Afterward we ate the sandwiches he’d brought back with him in silence.

Finally he spoke, though he avoided my eyes, intently studying his can of soda.

“So, what happened? Where were you going?”                                    

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I just had to get out of here.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“It’s not your fault, Jake.” I shook my head. “I just… lost it.” My eyes narrowed slightly as I remembered snippets of what I had been thinking before I’d taken off. “But I do want to ask you something.”

“What?”

“Is my father really alright? I mean, you lied to me about the Cullens – how do I know you’re not lying about everything?”

“Bella, I swear, your father is fine. I know I should have told you about Ed-, about the Cullens, but I just couldn’t, I didn’t know how. I couldn’t be responsible for hurting you like that.”

“But were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to let one day slip into the next, until months passed? Were you hoping I would just forget about everyone back in Forks? What, were you hoping we’d just live here happily ever after, like the Blue Lagoon or something? Fall madly in love? Have babies that we’d teach to swim and fish in the lake?” I was hollering now. I hadn’t meant to lose my temper.

“Maybe the thought of being stuck out here indefinitely isn’t as horrifying to me as it is to you!” he yelled back, hurt. “And give me some credit, I’m not that stupid!” He marched over to his canvas bag, yanked the condoms out, and held them up.

“You were still going to try to sleep with me!” I shook my head incredulously. “You knew they were **dead** , and you were still trying to make me want to be with you!”

His eyes widened with disbelief. “ _Make_ you want to be with me? Make you? Don’t try to tell me you weren’t enjoying yourself! You had your tongue just as far down my throat as mine was down yours.”

I gawked at him, speechless. I wanted to say something to make him shut up and put him in his place. That was difficult to do when he was absolutely right. I would be lying if I’d said I hadn’t enjoyed every single thing we’d done while we’d been here. That didn’t mean that the guilt wasn’t killing me.

  1. “And taking my shirt off and kissing me all over the other day – who forced you to do that, Bella? Huh? You came to me. You. Came. To me.”   



Why did Jacob Black always have to be right?

I just looked down at the floor, my face hot and my hands clenched tightly.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Bella. _I’m_ not judging you – _you_ are. I don’t know why you get so ashamed of being human. Those feelings? They’re good. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over them.”

He came and squat down beside me. “I have a theory that I’ll tell you sometime, but not today. You’re liable to scratch my eyes out. Someday you’ll be ready to hear it.”

I spun my head up at him quickly. “I want to hear it now. What?”

“You’ll just deny it if I tell you now.”

“A theory about me? I think I have a right to hear it. Now, Jacob.”

He studied the floor, debating whether to share his idea with me. “Only if you promise you’ll just listen. Don’t say anything, just listen and think about it for a while. Then later, maybe in a day or two, you can tell me to go to hell and that I’m completely off-base.”

I took a deep breath. Could I do that? I nodded. “I won’t say a word.”

He sighed and stood up, wiping his palms against his thighs, like he wasn’t sure how to start. He paced back and forth a short distance a few times before he spoke.

“I know you feel a loyalty to Edward, and I understand that. You… love him. I’ll give you that. But the differences between you, the consequences of the two of you together, it just… “

He stopped and his brows knit together as he tried to find the words. “You’ve stubbornly held onto this loyalty to someone who can’t even be with you in any real way – physically, legitimately or logically. I’m starting to think your steadfast attachment to him has nothing to do with your love for him; but has more to do with you; with your fears.”

I wrinkled my face in confusion. What was he talking about?

“You won’t have to deal with a real relationship if you’re committed to someone who it’s impossible to make any real commitments _to_. Edward is dangerous.” He shook his head, remembering. “ _Was dangerous_. But I think you latched onto him so wholeheartedly because for you… he was safe. You could use his danger as an excuse not to face things that frighten the hell out of you. I just wonder – what are you so scared of, Bella? Why does intimacy make you shut down?”

Okay, I had to cut in here. Forget my promise to be quiet; I had to say something. “You are so off-base here, Jacob, it’s not even funny. I was planning to _kill_ myself so I could be with him! You know that!”

He squat down beside me again. “Were you, Bella? Were you really? Then why are you still here? Why are you still human?

“Because he wouldn’t do it!” I sputtered. “He always stalled! It wasn’t me! It was him!”

“Really?” He stood up and started walking the floor again. “You didn’t know any other vampires who’d do it? What about the other six in his family?”

“They wouldn’t do it for Edward’s sake. They respected that he wanted me to stay human as long as possible.” I left out the part that I was determined to have Edward change me and no one else. Was Jacob right? Was my stubborn insistence that it be Edward subconsciously because I knew he would never do it?

“What about when you were in Italy? The group of assholes that we’re hiding out from right now – what about them? Were they too _nice_ , too _concerned_ about Edward’s feelings to change you on the spot? Instead they let you go home. Human _and_ knowing all their secrets.”

I shook my head. “That never seemed right to me, either. I don’t know why they let me leave alive. I was just relieved that they did.”

Jacob raised his eyebrows at my last words, then nodded his head knowingly. “I rest my case,” he said softly. “Edward was a good way for you to stall your life, but not end it, Bella” He headed for the door and opened it. “You knew in your heart, he never had any intention of changing you.”

He left the shack quietly, leaving me alone to ponder what he’d just said. Was he right? Had I been using Edward to avoid being in a real relationship? My friendship with Jacob was the closest I’d come to a valid relationship with anyone my whole life. We shared every aspect of a real one, except for…

Sex.

There, I’d said it. Was all this just some roundabout way of me avoiding sex? I was eighteen years old, and Edward was my first date, my first boyfriend, my first kiss. There had certainly never been a lack of boys interested. There were quite a few in Phoenix, but I always had excuses why I didn’t want to go out with them. They were too popular, they were not smart enough, they weren’t my type. Hell, I didn’t even _have_ a type.

But I couldn’t fight Edward. He literally had been like a drug to me. I may have been immune to his mind-reading skills, but his dazzle? It affected me 10 times worse than it did anyone else. Was that love? I thought it was.

What if he had been able and willing to make love to me? Would I have stayed with him? Or would all those other factors, those very real dangerous factors, have made me think twice?

The only real person I trusted was Jacob. And that had come with time. He had been my friend and kept all my secrets, ignored all my insecurities and didn’t push for more from me for the longest time. If I hadn’t been so desperate for his easy companionship, maybe I’d have run from him, too. But, by then, I couldn’t. I loved him like I had never loved anyone before.

But was I _in love_ with him? I didn’t know what that meant, so I didn’t know how to answer the question. Now I was more confused than ever. Why had I never hesitated to declare that I was in love with Edward, but fought tooth and nail from saying it about Jacob? What was so different in my feelings for him? I loved being with him and goodness knows I found him attractive. So why? Why did I insist I wasn’t _in_ love with Jake?

Because then I’d have no excuses for letting myself get swept away. Nothing whatsoever stopping me.

That was scary.

I’d promised Jacob I wouldn’t say anything for at least 24 hours, that I would just think about what he’d said. I would. I definitely would.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 


	8. Chapter Eight

 

_Note: I am so excited to announce that the awesome, uber-talented[ **lilabut**](http://lilabut.livejournal.com/) created a trailer for Intoxciating. After some major squee’ing all week, I’m proud to attach said trailer to this week’s installment of Intoxicating. Please [check it out](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJpD4Fl3HKA) and let her know how creative and amazing she is._

_Not only has she created this awesome trailer for me, but she’s outdone herself by making some visuals of the cabin in the mountains that Jacob and Bella are hiding out in. She captured every little nuance I imagined of their hideaway, and even added to it as if they had been there for months, as opposed to weeks. She captured the window from the cabin as you gaze up from the lake, and the outhouse by the trees, and Jake’s motorcycle parked outside. Please take a minute before you start the chapter and check it out! The link[is here.                ](http://lilabut.livejournal.com/47430.html?view=120646#t120646)                                                                     _

**Chapter Eight**

Jacob didn’t go far. He knew I couldn’t get around very well.  

Although the sun was out, the trees were whipping in the chilly breeze outside. He suggested a ride on the raft after he came back, and he carried me down to the water and we floated on the choppy lake, both of us deep in thought.

After a silent dinner of Spaghettio’s - thank goodness for hand-held can-openers - and French bread, Jake warmed up some water over the camp stove and I stuck my feet in the bucket one by one and washed them again.

He came over and sat down, taking my foot and drying it off. He lifted it up and studied it, making sure there was no sign of infection or any slivers stuck in there. They looked much better, the swelling had come down and they were not raw and red like they had been earlier. They felt much better as well. He ran his finger over the arch, and I pulled my foot back, automatically giggling since it tickled.

That’s all the encouragement Jacob needed.

He took hold of my ankle and lifted it back up. “Hold still, Bella, I’ve got to make sure it’s all okay.” He checked it again. “Looks good,” he said. Then using the tip of his finger, he slid it over the arch on purpose this time.

I screamed in laughter and pulled back. “Stop, Jacob!”

He rolled his eyes. “Give me the other one.”

I lifted the other one out of the bucket and he began drying it. I did _not_ trust him, I watched him like a hawk, tensed, with a squeal ready for the next assault.

“What?” He looked at me. “Don’t you trust me?”

“No.”

“Bella,” he said in mock disappointment. “That hurts. You don’t trust me? What do you think I’m going to do? This?” He swiped his finger down the arch of this foot.

“Jacob!” I screamed.

“I’m just testing your reflexes, Bella. Everything looks okay. Now for the medicine.” He pulled my leg out straight, and kissed the underside of my foot.

It’s a good thing he did that or I would have accidently kicked him in the face as I jumped, my butt coming up off the floor in surprise.

“This is the best thing for any cuts or scrapes or boo-boo’s,” he said, cracking himself up and peppering little kisses on my foot.

I fell onto my back and held my stomach, which was cramping from laughing so hard.

“Do you think Raoul did this to Lavinia?” he murmured, enjoying himself as he kissed up over my ankle, toward my calf. “I bet Lavinia would like it.”

My head was just rolling back and forth on the floor with laughter and all I could get out was an occasional, breathless, “stop!”

I looked up at him when his mouth got to the underside of my bare knee. He was between my legs, with my ankle flung over his shoulder, and my breath hitched for a different reason. It still tickled, but it was accompanied by little jolts of electricity striking in other parts of my anatomy.

“Stop, stop.” I managed to tell him in a more serious voice.

He heard the change in my tone and hesitated, staring at me for a moment before he put my leg down and crawled over me, so his hands were on either side of my shoulders and his face was above mine.

He dropped a few inches closer to me and stopped, gauging my reaction. My smile faded completely and I held his gaze, expressionless. He dropped again, his mouth just inches from mine, and when I didn’t protest, he tilted his head and pressed his lips to mine.

Something electric went through me and I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, bringing his mouth roughly against mine.

He lowered himself down on top of me, parting my lips, his tongue searching for mine. After a few minutes, he pulled back.

“Do you want me to stop?”

He studied me closely. He was not going to let me use this against him later.

Did I?

I shook my head. “No.”

A look crossed his face, an expression in his eyes I’d never seen before. He crashed his mouth against mine fiercely.

This time when his weight pressed down on me and I felt him hard against my hip, I didn’t push away in embarrassment or shock. This time I felt empowered by his response to me. He was right – _this_ was right. I’d been conditioned that allowing yourself to be swept away was a weakness to be fought.

I was tired of fighting.

I maneuvered my body, aligning my pelvis so Jacob’s obvious need pressed perfectly between my legs. Instinctually, he ground himself against me.

The night quieted as our bodies danced to a primal rhythm. No one else had ever made me feel so good. There was no one else in the world I trusted enough to get so lost in. We moved together in a way that would have made me blush to think about, but I was beyond thinking.

It would only be later when I thought back on it – which I would do a million times the next day – that I would remember the frantic way we moved against each other, the desperation of trying to get closer, closer and in the end, faster and harder, pounding ourselves against the other.

Finally, my eyes rolled back in my head as an explosion rocked through me and I couldn’t stop myself from crying out. Just as my cry died out, Jacob moaned my name in a way that, if I hadn’t been completely satisfied in that second, would have made me want him even more.

“Wow.” He panted breathlessly in my ear once he was able to speak again.

A big smile spread across my face. Yeah. Wow.

“Where’d you learn how to do that, huh?” He pulled back and grinned at me.

I smiled smugly at him. “Love’s Carnal Desires.”

He shook his head, laughing. “I think I’ll be picking out some new books for you next time we go get supplies.”

I’d always been afraid doing something like what we’d just done would lead to a very awkward moment. But Jacob never once seemed ashamed, or ill at ease. His comfortableness with what had just transpired made me forget any worries I’d had previously.

Well, I reminded myself, it’s not like we were naked or anything. In fact, my clothes were maybe a little rumpled, but they were all still intact. And so were Jacob’s shorts. So, technically, he was only half-naked. What else was new?

Of course, when I’d imagined a moment like that, I’d always pictured Edward, and I was pretty sure he would not be as comfortable afterward as Jacob.

But Jacob just pulled me in tight against his warm chest and we talked. I realized he hadn’t checked in with Sam tonight and I was surprised to note that I really didn’t care. What did one night matter? Even if he’d said it was safe to come home tonight, there was nowhere I wanted to be right now, but here.

“It’s your turn tonight,” he murmured against my hair.

“My turn for what?”

“You tell me a story.”

“I don’t know what to say. I suck at stories.”

“It’s not rocket science, Bells. I don’t expect you to tell me Einstein’s theory of relativity. Just talk.”

There was a long silence as I tried to think of something to talk about.

“Tell me about when you lived in Phoenix with your mom. Tell me about your school. Did you have any boyfriends there?” He reflexively pulled me in tighter when he asked the question.

“Yeah, lots,” I deadpanned, jokingly.

“ … you did?”

He felt me giggling then and knew I was kidding. “Haha.”

“Did _you_?” I suddenly asked. I’d never really discussed our past romantic history with Jacob. I’d always just assumed that I was his first crush. That was probably a little presumptuous of me. I’m sure Jacob had a life before I moved back to Forks.

“Did I have boyfriends in Phoenix? No, I’ve never even been there. And I don’t tend to swing that way.”

“Ja-cob. Have you ever had a girlfriend?” Now I tensed in anticipation of his answer.

“I had a girlfriend in 7th grade named Amy. She sat next to me in History and we ate lunch together. That’s about as hot and heavy as it got between us. She let me hold her hand, though. Twice. And she made a mean bologna sandwich that she’d trade for my boring pb&j once in a while.”

“Aww, what happened to Amy?”

“She liked older men. She dumped me for an 8th grader.”

“I’m sorry.” I patted his hand, grinning. “I bet she’s sorry now. If she’d known that you were gonna grow up to be a werewolf, I bet she’d have thought twice.”

“Probably. I may just have to look that dude up when we get back and kick his ass.”

“Any others I should know about?”

“… Selena Garcia.”

“Why’d you say her name like that?” I demanded.

“Like what? How’d I say it?”

“You said it all dreamy-like and breathy. Selena Garcia,” I mimicked him.

“I did not!” He laughed.

“Did too. Who the hell was she?”

“Ooooh, listen to you!” He crowed. “Don’t be jealous.”

“I’m not jealous. Answer the question. Who was she?”

“Admit you’re jealous and I’ll tell you.”

“I’m not jealous, you jerk. Now tell me who she was.”

He laughed breathily in my hair. “She asked me to the turnaround dance, beginning of this year.”

“And?” I encouraged him. Beginning of this last school year was just before I turned up in his garage, with my motorcycles.

He hesitated. “And I went to the dance with her.”

I could tell by his tone, he wasn’t telling me something. He was leaving something out. What really surprised me was – I didn’t like it.

“Was she your girlfriend?” I whispered.

“Briefly.” He sighed. “We only went out for a couple months. Her family moved away just before you and I became good friends.”

“You did more than hold hands with her, didn’t you?”

Why did I feel like I wanted to cry all of a sudden?

“Bella, we don’t have to talk about Selena. You’re supposed to be telling _me_ stories tonight, remember?”

I lost the ability to speak as tears squeezed from my eyes. I was an idiot. What did I expect? That Jacob’s life began when I appeared in it? He felt my stomach flex with a silent sob.

“Aww, honey, are you crying?” He turned me toward him so we were facing and I ducked my head against his chest as he kissed the top of my head. “Don’t cry, Bells. She was a nice girl, but she meant nothing once I met you. Seriously, none of them were anything once I met you.”

“What happened to her?” I sniffled.

“I told you, her family moved away.”

“Did you… ?”

“No! I mean, we fooled around a little, but no, we didn’t do that.”

“Did she ever… “ I swallowed hard. “Touch you?” I asked softly.

He hesitated for so long, he didn’t have to tell me the answer. I knew.

“Just with her hand,” he told me softly. “And that’s it.”

“And you touched her?” I whispered as more tears flowed.

He sighed. He didn’t want to answer me, but he could tell I was going to keep asking till he told me. “Yes. But that’s it, Bella. Nothing else. We didn’t do anything else.”

That was enough.

“I’m tired, Jake.” I rolled back over so my back was to him. I wasn’t mad at him. For some strange reason I felt sad. Like I was cheated out of something that should have been mine. Even though I knew that was stupid. Some small part of me hated Selena Garcia even though I’d never even met her. And I was damned sure as hell determined to one-up her.

Soon.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

**Day 13**

 

When I woke up the next morning, Jacob was gone. He had woken up earlier than me, as usual, and ridden into town. Which was just as well. I still wasn’t sure exactly how I was feeling after learning of the existence of Selena. My mind spit out her name in a cruel singsong. Se-le-na.

My new preoccupation with her was ridiculous as I had worse problems in my life than Jacob’s… _familiarity_ with this girl.

The previous love of my life, Edward, who I now wondered if I ever really had been in love with, was gone forever. I still couldn’t think _the ‘d’ word_ in connection with him, though technically he had been _the ‘d’ word_ as long as I’d known him.

 _Dead_.

And my father thought I was _the ‘d’ word_.

I groaned and flung myself back down on the sleeping bag.

I had fallen asleep last night in my shorts and t-shirt. Jacob and I had been so comfortable, I’d never even changed into my pajamas. I sat back up and caught a glimpse of my legs.

_Oh dear God in heaven._

Jacob had had his face against those legs last night. Lavishing kisses on them. As I sat up straighter, I realized my legs looked like they belonged to a monkey.

The last time I’d shaved had been on my graduation.

Just in case.

I had not wanted to be changed – three days in a painful coma state – in front of the Cullens with legs so hairy they looked like they belonged to a razorback gorilla.

That was two whole weeks ago. I knew Jacob had a cheap plastic razor somewhere around here and it was now my mission in life to hunt it down and use it. Before someone locked me up with the primates at the Woodland Park Zoo.

I sat on the floor and pulled up his canvas bag and unzipped it, pulling out his clean clothes and laying them on the floor next to me. I was all too aware of what was in the pocket of his jeans, so I avoided them like the plague. I got to the bottom of the bag, and nothing. No razor. I shoved all his clothes back in and unzipped the side pocket.

Box of condoms, right on top. Sneaky werewolf. I would never have guessed that’s what he crept off to buy that day.

I would have to sneak off and make my own secret purchase next time we went to the store. I was due to get my period in a few days, and I’d been hoping that we would be home by the time that crept around. I had a couple of tampons in my backpack that I always kept in there, just in case, but I was going to have to bite the bullet and buy some next time.

I was placing the box of condoms next to me on the floor when a couple spilled out of the side. The box was open. I looked at the front label: 12 latex condoms. One, two, three… why were there only eleven here? I dug through the pocket of Jake’s bag. There was the razor, but no twelfth condom anywhere. Why would one be missing? What would he do with it? Maybe he stuck one in his wallet. Probably. I shoved them all back into the open box and zipped them back into the canvas bag.

I stretched my legs out in front of me. I guess you just did it dry? Rene had bought me a lady’s electric razor as soon as I turned 12, and that’s all I’d ever used. I dragged the blade over my hairy legs carefully.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_


	9. Chapter Nine

 

 

 

The amazingly talented[](http://lilabut.livejournal.com/profile)[ **lilabut**](http://api.viglink.com/api/click?format=go&drKey=1111&loc=http%3A%2F%2Ftheair-thesun.livejournal.com%2F215343.html&v=1&libid=1308436139618&out=http%3A%2F%2Flilabut.livejournal.com%2F&ref=http%3A%2F%2Ftheair-thesun.livejournal.com%2F&title=theair_thesun%3A%20Catch%20the%20Falling%20Sky%20-%20Drabble%20Set%20-%20Part%20I&txt=%3CB%3Elilabut%3C%2FB%3E)  has been at it again! She’s created a cover for Love’s Carnal Desires featuring Raoul and Lavinia!  And nailed it! I hope you enjoy this re-creation as much as I do! Have a look-see and let her know again how truly talented she is. Then go over and take a peek at her Drabble series [Catch the Falling Sky](http://theair-thesun.livejournal.com/215343.html).

Love’s Carnal Desires with Raoul and Lavinia (I can't get the picture to load right now and it won't upload to my Photobucket. So sorry. I'll add it another time.

 

**Chapter Nine**

**Day 13 continued…**

 

“Hey honey! Did you eat?”

I was sitting on the floor when Jacob came back. He seemed to be in a good mood. He leaned down and kissed me when I didn’t answer. I had just put the envelope with all the money the Cullens had given us back in my backpack. Out of curiosity, I had counted it.

“I got some donuts. Feel this, they’re still warm. What’s the matter?”

I touched the bag and looked at him dully. “There’s $39,800 dollars in that envelope, Jacob.”

“What?!”

“I counted it. They didn’t give us $20,000. They gave us $40,000.” I just stared at him. Why would they give us so much money? I knew they were generous – excessive even - but 40,000 dollars? Did they know how this was going to end? I didn’t know whether Carlisle had given us so much out of guilt, extravagance, or simply because he didn’t know how long we would have to be gone or where Jake was going to take me. Did he think Jake was taking me to hide out in Paris, for god’s sake?

I’d probably never know now.

“Holy shit.” Jacob slumped to the floor next to me. “Why so much?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. Sam doesn’t know anything?”

“No. The Volturi came in like gangbusters before Sam and the others had even gotten to the Cullen’s. They apparently just went in and questioned them briefly before they tore them into pieces and burn-“

I gasped and my hands flew over my ears.

“Shoot! I’m sorry honey. I’m sorry!”

He pulled me into his side and held me. “Well, at least that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about. All that money will last us a while.”

I nodded my head. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. “Can I have one of those donuts?”

“Sure.” He kissed the top of my head and released me, turning to grab me one.

“Did you get any chocolate?”

“Of course. With sprinkles.”

I took a bite. _Mmmm_ , that was good. And it _was_ still warm. “So, Jake?”

“Hmm?”

“Where’s the extra condom?”

His mouth froze in mid-bite. “Huh?” he asked me guiltily.

“You heard me.” I licked the chocolate from my fingers. “There’s a condom missing from the pack. Where’d it go?”

There went the ears. Jacob was too dark to really blush, but I always knew when he was embarrassed or uncomfortable when his ears turned pink. I’m not ashamed to say, I enjoyed it immensely on the rare occasions it happened.

“Are you sure?” he croaked. “What, did you count them or something?”

“Uh-huh.” I knew I had a Cheshire cat grin on my face and I couldn’t help it. It was usually me squirming with embarrassment.

“Oh… well.” His mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish trying to breathe out of water. Oh, I was definitely enjoying this. “I might have… _triedoneon_.” The words were all tied together and his voice dropped so dramatically, I couldn’t make out a word he said.

“You might have, _what_?”

“I might have tried one on! Okay? Did you hear me that time?”

“Tried one on?” I repeated between giggles. “How? _Why_?”

“So I’d know how to do it. You know… if… “

A visual came to me that I tried to shake from my head. “Don’t you have to be… hard…” Now my voice dropped dramatically low. “To do that?”

Jacob quickly got up off the floor and crossed the room, going through the other things he’d brought back from the store. “Yeah.” He finally answered me quietly.

Okay. I didn’t even wanted to know.

“Not to change the subject or anything.”

Apparently Jacob didn’t want to talk about it either.

“But I forgot to check-in with Sam last night. I was distracted.” He turned and grinned at me. “And got side-tracked. So I phased this morning, figuring I’d catch somebody patrolling who could relay the message that I’m alright and sorry about missing last night. Anyway, I caught Sam himself and he had some news.”

My stomach did a reflexive dive. I nodded at him to go on.

“Two of the leeches have left. So that leaves only three right now in the area.”

He let me digest that for a minute. “So that’s good, right? Maybe they’re slowly disbanding, since I’m not creeping out of the woodwork in the aftermath.”

He nodded. “Yeah, that’s how we look at it as well. And the good news is, even though they know about the werewolves, they don’t seem to be too interested or bothered enough by us to investigate who we are or our whereabouts.”

“Wait a minute! They know about the werewolves? I thought you said they didn’t know?”

“Well, of course they know there are werewolves, they can smell us everywhere in the area. We _have_ been keeping an eye on them. And your father’s house is highly patrolled. They know we’re around, and they know we know they’re there. But they don’t have a clue about the treaty with the Cullen’s and they’ve made no connection to La Push and the werewolves being Natives. They just know a pack of wolves patrol around Forks, and our scent has been so widely distributed all throughout the outlaying areas, they have no idea where it originated from. So, that’s good. The Volturi has shown no desire in messing with the pack. They’re playing “you leave us alone and we’ll ignore the fact that you exist”. And for now, Sam is happy with that.”

I was relieved. At least there was one less thing to worry about. The pack, for now, was safe. I was curious, though. “Did Sam tell you which vampires stayed behind?”

“There’s three of them, all males. One is middle-aged with shoulder length black hair. The other one looks like a little kid, about 13 or so, and the third one is a huge mother, about as big as I am. I know it’s not much to go on, but do any of them sound familiar?”

I shut my eyes and tried to conjure up the scene in Italy, with the Cullens. Most of the Volturi had been males with longish dark hair, but two stood out to me as middle-aged. It could be Aro or it could be Marcus.

But the young one? There were only two I had seen that were that young, and that was Jane and her brother, Alec. Edward taught me a little about the Volturi - he found them fascinating - and my thought was, _know your enemies_. So I’d listened. I guessed Edward’s interest in them had been like people being fascinated with the British royal family.

I looked at Jacob seriously, “Tell Sam not to get too comfortable with these vampires. They have some extremely scary powers. If Aro is there and he gets his hands on Sam or Billy – we’re all dead. Aro can read every thought in a person’s head if he touches them.”

“Like the psychic leech?”

“Like Alice?” I was too distracted to chastise him. “No, Alice can see future events, Aro can read your whole life up to that point. Thank god my father knows nothing about the vampires or the werewolves.”

“You’re sure that’s who it is?”

“No, it could be Aro, or it could be Marcus. Marcus could be dangerous to us, too. He can see the connections in relationships between people - read how they’re related to or know each other. And I think Edward said he would be able to pick out who’s in charge of a group, like their leader and sense the hierarchy or friendships or something like that.”

I tried to remember that brief time I’d spent in Volterra and my personal experience with them. I’d been so terrified at the time, I hadn’t comprehended many of the details or retained them either, unfortunately.

Jane and Felix had stuck out in my mind the most. Felix, because he was so physically imposing – about the same size as Jacob – and I’d watched him toss Edward around like a ping pong ball. And Jane? I shuddered. Her powers freaked me out. Edward was on the ground, whimpering in pain and all she’d done was _look_ at him.

Jacob saw the shudder go through me and pulled me into his side. “What about the kid? How intimidating could he be?”

I looked up at him. “Pretty intimidating. Tell Sam and the others to stay the hell away from him. He can freeze you on the spot with some kind of mist, so you can’t move or get away, and then he or the others can kill you or torture you. If it is Alec, Sam should consider himself lucky that they seem to be so disinterested in the wolves; they could have killed them easily from the beginning. Thank goodness the Volturi don’t know that I have any connections to the wolves.”

Jacob caught my gaze and held it, tightening his arm around me. “That we know of. What about the big guy?”

“Felix,” I said with certainty. “He’s huge. He was there in Italy while I was there. I don’t think he has any special powers, but he’s strong as hell. Mostly used for his muscle.”

“Great. Now for the bad news. While the Volturi don’t seem to be too interested in the wolves… they are extremely interested in your father.”

I started to jump up, but Jacob held me in place. “They haven’t hurt him. But they are watching him. I’d bet money that Aro guy, if it’s him, has put his hands on him at some point. So it is imperative that Charlie remain in the dark about everything.”

Tears of panic shot from my eyes and ran down my cheeks.

“SShhhh, it’s okay, Bella. Two weeks have just about passed, and Charlie is still safe. If we can just hold out a little longer, I think we may all make it out of this alive. Shhhh.”

My face was buried in Jacob’s shirt and I could feel the ferocity of my tears had already soaked the front of it. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to Charlie. I wouldn’t be able to take the grief and the guilt together. I just wouldn’t.

My whole life I’d wandered through at a nice, even pace. A few nice things happen here and there along the way, and I’d feel good. Then a few crappy things would rain on my parade and I’d be blue and lonely. But this last year, I never knew such huge, colossal highs as being with supernatural beings, being accepted by them, being wanted by them, and then the deepest pits of despair at the idea of losing them, and the danger they manifested in my life. I understood now how stress could kill you. The humongous drop and rise in the gaps between these two emotions was exhausting.

These highs and lows were killing me.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

I stuck to Jacob like glue. He tried to cheer me up, but I knew he was just as scared and nervous as I was. This wasn’t just about me anymore. This involved his family, his pack and his people as well as my father. I’d already lost the Cullens. I prayed it would end at that.

I wondered if my father, the Chief of Police, was aware that his every move was being watched and monitored by supernatural beings? I doubted it. I knew Marcus, if he was there, must have perceived a link between Billy and my father already. Could he see the wolves link to me and to Billy when they weren’t in human form? Or would they be somehow immune to his abilities? If not, the Volturi were just biding their time for some reason.

Trying to think like them was making me crazy. I tried to stay in the moment, like Rene talked about all the time. Right now, in this particular moment, everything was okay. Charlie was safe, the wolves were safe, and Jacob and I were safe as well.

Why did I feel so lost? I caught myself hugging my chest like I used to in the old days. I knew Jacob noticed as well. I felt empty. How would I ever fill that emptiness?

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

Jacob had brought back some pasta and French bread, along with a pre-made salad from the deli that we had for dinner. Which was great, since I wasn’t in the mood to cook anything, plus it was too warm and muggy to start a fire tonight. The sky had been gray and gloomy all day, but not one drop of rain.

After dinner, I started cleaning up our garbage and putting things away, thinking to myself, when I glanced out the window and saw Jacob down by the lake. I wandered over to the window and watched him, squatted down at the edge of the water, staring out into the distance.

I knew he had a lot on his mind as well and I knew how hard he tried not to let me see how this was all effecting him. I knew he felt an obligation to rescue me, an obligation to be there with his pack and watch over his people, and an obligation to his father to protect him.

He was the pack’s true alpha, his people’s future chief, his father’s son, and my personal, loyal protector. All this on the shoulders of a sixteen year old.

I saw him drop his head into his hands and I went out the door. I approached him quietly, though I’m sure he heard me, but if he did, he didn’t respond or move. He just continued to squat with his big hands covering his face.

I squat down next to him. “Hey,” I said softly.

He didn’t answer for a minute, but slowly he pulled his hands away from his face. “Hey,” he answered, still not meeting my eyes, but back to staring into the distance. I could see he hadn’t been crying. I didn’t know if that was good or bad. Maybe he would feel better if he could.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh, are you?”

“No.” I smiled grimly and shook my head.

“Me either.”

I glanced out across the water to see if there was anything in particular he was studying so intently. But of course there wasn’t. I wished there was something I could do to help - to ease whatever thoughts he was torturing himself with. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I wish.” He sighed.

“There must be something I can do?” I rubbed his shoulder softly.

He looked at me, shaking his head. Our eyes locked and I thought maybe, maybe there was something that would make both of us feel better. For a little while anyway.

We both moved toward the other at the same moment and I saw his eyes shut just before I shut my own. It was a gentle kiss, comforting at first. I tried to reach my other arm around him and wobbled precariously before I plopped onto my rear end, giggling against his mouth. I could feel his smile and he dropped to a sitting position alongside of me.

That was better. I put my other arm around his shoulders and he pulled me toward him and drew me onto his lap. Our kisses grew deeper and we sighed as the tension we’d carried all day eased away and a warm, melting feeling oozed through my body.

I thought of what we’d done together last night and a tingling spread between my legs in anticipation. I remembered how hard Jacob had felt and I reminded myself **I** had done that to him. I remembered the way he’d moaned at the end, and I gripped Jacob’s arms and pulled him toward me as I fell back onto the dirt, taking him down with me, on top of me.

He was already as excited as I was, I felt him against me.

I dipped my tongue into his mouth and maneuvered myself directly under him, so he was pressed right where I wanted him to be. He must have known what I wanted, and I whimpered in the back of my throat when he pulled his face away.

“Wait a minute.” He panted. “I want to… “ He place his hand over my breast and squeezed gently.

_Oh._

Pulling his hand away, he ducked it under my shirt, rubbing his palm over my bra, just over the nipple that was growing rapidly under his hand. He pinched it gently and I whimpered again. My hips were moving slightly against him, just enough to make me hold my breath, but not so distractingly that he couldn’t focus on other things.

He put my nipple between his teeth, still with my shirt acting as an annoying barrier.

“Maybe we should take this inside. He looked up at me and I opened my eyes. “Aren’t you uncomfortable?”

The ground was a little hard, but I was afraid if we moved he would stop. And I didn’t want him to stop what he was doing. For the first time today, I felt good. And I wanted him to feel good, too.

“You won’t stop what you’re doing if we do?” I blinked.

He smiled his Jacob smile.

“Oh, no.” He shook his head. “Come on.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.

I held on tight to his hand and half skipped, half ran up to the shack, pulling him along with me as he laughed.

We ran through the door and he kicked it closed behind him, grabbing me fast and hard against him, and his mouth was back on mine before I could blink.

His skin was smooth and I gripped his strong shoulders, running my fingers down his arms and over his firm biceps.

His hand slipped down and found its way under my shirt again. I reached behind my back and unclasped my bra and I heard him take a quick intake of breath. He slid the shirt and my bra up over my breasts and squeezed them both with either hand.

I pressed closer, feeling almost desperate, not wanting to lose this feeling. 

Jacob pulled on my shirt and I lifted my arms up over my head, so he could pull it off easily.  Something snapped in him once my shirt hit the floor. He grabbed me tightly, gripping my ribs and lifted me higher, closer toward his face, at the same time lowering his mouth down and latching onto the nipple of my right breast. My head fell back as he squeezed my breasts together and kissed my whole chest.

I couldn’t stand it. I needed that feeling that we’d given each other last night. I needed it now. I pulled on his arms as I let myself drop onto our little bed on the floor and took him with me.

“Bella.”

I spread my legs and tried to move him into the right spot. “Now, Jake. I need it now.”

“Okay honey, okay,” he said breathlessly. He started to move away and I thrashed, trying to get him back into place. He was kissing my breasts again and now my head was rolling from side to side. “I’ll take you there, Bella, I promise,” he told me as his kisses rained softly over my stomach. “Maybe I can just try a different way?”

“What?” What was he talking about? I wanted to do what we had done last night. But his mouth on the sensitive skin of my stomach, so close to where I wanted him to rub against me felt so good too. I felt him start to unbutton my pants and I froze. He felt the shift in my body, but he just kept kissing all around my belly, distracting me. I felt my zipper glide down.

“Jacob,” I moaned. “I want…”

“I know what you want, honey. Can I just give it to you a new way? This will be even better, I promise. If you don’t like it, I’ll take care of you like we did last night, okay?”

I didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. Once he’d eased my pants down over my legs, I kicked them aside. I just didn’t want this to end. All I wanted was to feel good. I trusted Jacob. If he said he could give me what he did last night, I was sure he could. I had put my life in his hands a million times before and I was still here. I would trust him with this.

His mouth was on my thighs, I felt his tongue making its way closer to my core. My hips kept rising off the floor slightly and I was breathing way too fast. My panties began sliding down to join my pants on the other side of the room. He was kissing the other thigh now, working his way higher. I knew where he was going and when he got there, there were no more barriers to get through. I was scared, but the sensation stopped me from protesting.

_Oohhhhhhh._

My eyes rolled back in my head when Jacob’s tongue hit its destination. My knees spread out wider as he licked and teased and _oh god_ , he was right. That _was_ even better. I’d been three-quarters of the way there with excitement when he’d started, so  when his tongue rolled around my hard nub a few quick times and I could feel his head moving back and forth and around between my legs, it felt like the whole room tilted and the shack exploded as spasm after spasm rocked through my body. My hands were in Jacob’s hair and I couldn’t even speak as just a long, low moan came from me.

I was a shivering mess when Jacob moved back up and kissed me. I could smell me and I could taste me on his lips. “Where did you learn… ?” I left the question unfinished.

He pulled me into his side. “Jared, Sam, and Paul think about doing that all the time.”

“Really? Even Sam?”

“Especially Sam. He seems to be the best at it, too.” Jacob shrugged. “I pay attention.”

“How do you focus when they’re thinking thoughts like that and you can’t get away from them?”

He looked me in the eye seriously. “It’s not easy.”

I moved closer against him and felt his need still urgently untaken care of. That wasn’t fair, was it? This had all started because I wanted to make Jacob feel better.

I glided my hand down over his stomach and worked the button on his shorts undone. His head shot to the side and he studied my face, but he didn’t say a word. I pulled his zipper down slowly and tugged at the leg of his shorts. Jacob helped me remove them and kicked them aside. I took a deep breath and gripped him through his underwear.

_Oh god._

He felt absolutely huge in my hand. I stroked him a few times that way, before I pulled the elastic of his underwear back and over his length. He sprung free and I helped him tug those off to join his shorts on the floor.

I’d liked it when he kissed my stomach, so I tried to copy what I had done to him the other day; kissing and licking my way back and forth, moving my face lower as I went along. My hand stroked him while I continued to kiss along his belly till my mouth was just above my hand. I moved my fingers down to the base of his shaft and licked the head, swirling my tongue around the tip.

He finally let lose with a moan as I worked my tongue around the ridge and gently sucked the top. Slowly, I took as much as I could into my mouth, moving my head and up and down. I’d hardly gotten started before I heard him say my name.

“Bella.”

I was prepared for what came next. My mouth filled with a warm, thick fluid that I swallowed quickly, and before I knew it, he was pulling me back up the length of his body and settling me along his side.

“Whose thoughts have you been reading? I mean, where did _you_ learn how to do that?”

I guessed he liked it.

“Lavinia’s,” I giggled.

Now I felt good. I tried to hold onto this feeling as I drifted off, snuggled into Jacob’s side.

The last thought that went through my mind before sleep came?

_Take THAT, Selena!_

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

_A/N: Blow-jobs are great. So are reviews. Thank you!_

 


	10. Chapter Ten

 

**Chapter Ten**

**Day 14**

 

Today marked two weeks that we had been gone. It seemed like a lifetime. My world was a drastically different place than it had been just 14 days ago. While I nibbled disinterestedly at a banana walnut muffin, Jacob was outside checking in with the pack. Sam was nervous; he seemed to think the Volturi were getting ready to make some kind of move, in a _calm before the storm_ kind of way. So, he was having Jake check-in twice a day.

The longer the Volturi hung around, lurking quietly, the tighter the tensions in La Push rose.

Sam was pretty intuitive, I’d discover later.

“Bella?” Jake called for me outside. I set my muffin down, and walked out the door.

The sun shining in a perfectly blue sky was such a dichotomy to the chaos that was going on behind the scenes in our life.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him warily. His head was down and he was running his hand through his hair. I didn’t think I wanted to hear this.

“Come on.” He took my hand and started walking, leading us down toward the water. We stood together at the edge of the lake.

“What’s the matter?” I asked softly, trying to steel myself for the worst. But I’d already endured the worst – what was a little more death and mayhem, right?

“Your dad’s in the hospital, Bella.”

I started to pull away from him, to run away so I couldn’t hear anymore, but he held me firm. “He’s okay,” he assured me.

“Was it a heart attack? I gave him a stroke, didn’t I?” My hand flew over my mouth as it distorted with guilt and grief.

Jacob shook his head. “He was put into the hospital for exhaustion. I guess he had kind of an emotional breakdown. He’ll be fine. He’d stopped eating and he wasn’t sleeping, and they put him in the hospital and ran tests after he collapsed at work. Physically, he’s okay, but emotionally… he told my dad he blames himself for your disappearance.”

“What? Why? Why would he blame himself, Jacob?”

He stared at the ground, not looking at me as he answered. “He told my dad that if he had stood his ground when you came back from Italy and forbid you to see Edward like he’d wanted to, you’d be home, safe, right now.”

I shook my head, stubbornly. “It’s my fault! Not his.”

“Geez, Bella, you sound just like him. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. At least I know where you get it from, now. It’s neither of your faults.” He looked out over the lake. “Shit just happens sometimes.”

He studied my face for a moment. “Can I ask you something, Bella?”

“What?”

“I know you’re really worried about your dad, and I know you feel guilty that you had to take off without letting him know, and you ask about him all the time… but you’ve never once mentioned your mom. I mean, she must be out of her mind with worry, too.”

I pursed my lips, thinking of how to explain it to him, without making Rene or myself sound cold. “My mom will be fine. I’m sure she’s worried, but… she’ll be fine. She has Phil and she has her _stuff_ and her life. I know she loves me, but she’s not an _absence makes the heart grow fonder_ type of person. She’s more of an _out of sight, out of mind_ person. What I’m trying to say is, she’ll be worried - and then she’ll be over it – she’ll find ways to distract herself.”

“So you’re saying she won’t torture herself with guilt for the rest of her life like you and Charlie will?” He grinned half-heartedly at me.

“Yeah.” I wince-grinned in return. “Exactly.” I shook my head. “Why couldn’t I take more after Rene?”

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. “Cos that’s what makes you, you.”

I sighed. “But Charlie’s going to be okay?”

“He’s taking a leave of absence from work. He’s going to get better. And before you know it, we’ll be going home… and after he shoots us, he’ll be great.”

We chuckled. If we didn’t laugh, we’d both cry.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

Jacob was fishing and I was stretched out on the blanket in the warm sunshine trying to read. The sun felt amazing and was a welcome mood lifter; hell, I’d take anything at this point. I had to read every sentence at least three times to fully comprehend it, but I was making slow yet thorough progress. My heart wasn’t really in it, but it was distracting.

Jacob reeled his line in slightly, then pulled it out and flung it far out across the lake. “Have those two done it yet?”

“No.”

“What’s the hold-up? I thought Raoul was leaving the next morning?”

“I haven’t really gotten much further than where you read the other night.” I admitted. “My brain is a little slow-going this week,” I added dryly.

“Well, from where Raoul’s head was at the other night,” Jake grinned. “Pun intended, I’d have figured they’d have had at it by now.”

“Wow.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a romantic. Had at it?”

“Bells.” He smirked. “I could have said much worse.”

“True.”

“So I’m curious – what are they doing now? Why don’t you read to me?”

“I’m not reading it to you, Jacob!” I snorted.

“Than at least tell me what they’re doing.” He took a step back and reeled his line in just a little.

I sighed. “They’re skinny-dipping.”

I glanced back at him and then back at the page, to re-read the previous sentence a second time. “He keeps trying to – “I started giggling at the absurdity of re-telling it.

I tried again. “He keeps trying to… “ I snorted before breaking into laughter again.

Jacob began laughing at me laughing. I composed myself and tried for the third time.

“He keeps trying to… “ I collapsed onto my side in a fit of giggles. “ _Poke_ her under the water!”

“Raoul, Raoul, Raoul.” Jake snickered, shaking his head. “What’s Lavinia doing?”

“She keeps letting him come in and rub up on her in the water and then she pulls away and swims off when he tries to… “

I didn’t know whether it was the sun or this conversation, but it was getting warm.

“She is such a tease,” he said, reeling his line in slowly again.

I turned back to my book. I’d only gotten through three sentences before I felt Jacob flop down beside me on his stomach. I glanced over at him and he was smiling at me.

“What?”

“Let’s go skinny-dipping.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, Lavinia and Raoul are a very bad influence on you. This is why they don’t allow children to read porn.”

He rolled onto his side and moved his face in close to mine, his eyebrows furrowed. “Do I look like a child to you?” he said seriously.

I took in his broad, chiseled chest and shoulders, and his strong, muscular legs. I inhaled a quick, tight breath knowing now what lied between those thighs.

“No,” I croaked and cleared my throat.

I blamed the sun as a blazing heat spread through me. I’d have to find something else to blame my now elevated pulse rate on.

He jumped up suddenly and held out his hand to me. “Come on.”

I didn’t respond right away.

“Come on, Bella. I’ll shut my eyes, alright?”

I got up slowly, unsure about this. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but this felt like asking for trouble, to me.

Jacob almost had his shorts off before I realized what he was doing, so I turned around abruptly. He yelled back over his shoulder at me as he started for the water. “You can look if you want. I have nothing I’m ashamed of.”

I turned back around when I heard the gentle splash of water. His shorts lay haphazardly on the ground where he’d dropped them.

He was about thigh deep in, and I saw a glimpse of his firm, tan rear-end before he submerged himself completely. How he did that without shrieking like I always did was beyond me.

“Don’t look!” I yelled.

I pulled my shorts and my top off as quickly as I could. Maybe I’d just leave my bra and panties on?

“All of it, Bells! S’only fair!”

How did he do that? I swear sometimes Jacob Black could read my mind.

“Don’t you trust me?”

“No!” I hollered. “Sneaky condom buyer,” I added under my breath.

“I heard that!” Of course his stupid werewolf ears heard me and he laughed.

While his back was still to me, I peeled off my under-clothes at breakneck speed and flung myself at the water like I was attacking it. I screamed bloody murder till I got myself completely wet. I could see Jacob’s shoulders shaking as he snickered.

“Can I turn around now?”

“No!” I dragged my arms through the water, propelling myself a little further out. I put my foot down, craning for the bottom with my toes. I could stand up in this spot and by just bending my knees slightly I kept my upper body covered up to just under my neck. Jacob was about fifteen feet away.

“Okay.”

He turned around with a grin.

“Did you think that was funny?” I asked him. “You think my discomfort was amusing? Huh?” I sliced the water with my palm, spraying water at him. He was too far away from me to get, so I began flapping at the water, creating bigger splashes.

He laughed, splashing me back. Of course, his splashes were tidal waves compared to my measly ones.

He reached a hand out for me, once we’d stopped. “Come closer, Bella.” He smirked. “I won’t poke you, I promise.”

I took a step closer to him, closing our gap to about 10 feet.

“Okay, you’d better stop there,” he told me seriously. “Any closer than that, and this thing may reach you. And I promised, no poking.”

I rolled my eyes. “Pfft. You wish.”

His dark eyes widened incredulously. “Did you just insult me? Ooooh, I’ve punished people mercilessly for less than that!”

I giggled, backing up as Jacob came toward me, trying to keep the grin off his face.

“Okay, stop!” I yelled as I backed up into dangerously shallow water. I was practically sitting on the ground now and the waterline was just below my shoulders.

He reached out and grabbed my arm, streamlining me through the water at a higher speed than I could ever skim through it. He pulled us both out into the depths, keeping me at arms’ length away from him the whole way.

He got us out to a point where I could touch bottom, but still keep myself comfortably covered. We smiled at each other, the sun streaming down on our heads and our bodies softly floating weightlessly alongside each other.

“I really want to kiss you right now,” he told me.

I wanted to as well, but my ever-present logical mind jumped ahead and instantly told me _no_ , that the ramifications of that would be dangerous.

“Just a little one, Bells? Please?”

I always had a very hard time telling Jacob _no_. What could one little kiss hurt, I asked myself?

It could hurt in that I knew neither of us was really talking about one little innocent kiss.

I nodded my head, tilting it at the same time as I reached across the foot or so between us, allowing Jacob to kiss me.

_Ohhhhh._

His heat in the freezing lake was like a flame, drawing me to it. I fought the urge to pull myself closer and wrap my body around his.

His lips were so soft and so perfect as he stole not one, not two, not three, but four kisses.

 _Thief_.

Why had I denied myself this for so long? Was it because it was Jacob that the fear was conquerable? It was there, but my desire for more with him was always greater than the fear. I leaned in, stealing yet another.

_Intoxicating._

“Bella.” I heard the warning in his tone. But I didn’t heed it.

“Kiss me again, Jacob.”

I could see his expression as he warred with himself. What he wanted to do against what his conscience told him was the right thing to do. Thinking of me and then thinking of himself. I knew that he knew as well as I did that once we started this, there was literally nothing between us to stop us.

“No.” He pulled back. “I want to, but… I’m glad you trust my self-control… but… I don’t,” he finished lamely.

My body tightened as his words brought to mind _other_ conversations with another person and _their_ self-control. Anger coursed through me, surprising me.

“Just shut-up, Jacob and kiss me. Let me handle your damn ‘self-control’.”

He looked surprised, but he kissed me again. We were still keeping our distance, but this kiss was deeper, and my neck was craning to press my mouth hard against his.

I sucked on his bottom lip before dipping my tongue into his mouth and teasing his.

The current was lapping the water around us in a strange conspiracy to bring our bodies closer. I felt my nipples slide across his chest and I knew he did too, when a moan from deep within him purred against me.

“Bella.” He groaned.

I arched my head back, my chest floating up to the surface, my breasts bobbing above the water like an entrée served before him.

He feasted like a man who hadn’t eaten for a year. Sucking at the nipples and squeezing the plump, chilled roundness with his hand.

My feet were no longer touching the ground and my lower body bobbed up against his. Promises were broken as his erection poked against my pubic bone. But I didn’t care.

Apparently neither did Jacob at this point. He reached around my waist and pulled me up against him.

I felt the sun on my face and the heat of his torso against my belly and his mouth warm against the wet chill of my breasts. I wished I could stay right here in this moment forever.

“Bells.” His hand slid down to move my pelvis away from his for my own protection, but his fingers accidently brushed against the fine hair on my pubis. Instead of pulling away, his fingertips lingered on it, curling them through the short hairs.

“Bella. Please, can I touch you?”

My arms were around his neck and I’d raised my head and collapsed it against his shoulder, my feet back on the ground. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. I nodded my head against his neck.

His hand slid farther down, his finger gliding over my slit before dipping its way through the folds. My body was wet from the water, but I was slippery wet between my legs with excitement. He slid his finger back and forth, figuring things out, getting his bearings.

I felt him penetrate me with his finger, moving it in and out. I moved my hips against his hand, his palm brushing against something good. I was about to protest when he removed his finger but he brought it up higher, and began circling it around and over my sensitive nub. He was using two fingers now, gliding around it, then slipping it between his two fingers and squeezing it lightly between them, his hand in constant, gentle motion.

The sensation was getting more intense, building, as every motion of his fingers sent an aching sweetness through my whole lower body.

“Oh, Jacob.” I panted. My body was moving against his hand. “Oh god, that’s so –“ I was cut-off as my mid-section convulsed and my breath was taken away as I climaxed in delicious waves. It seemed to go on and on and I held onto to it as long as I could.

Jacob removed his hand and I looked up as he brought his two fingers to his mouth and licked them.

The last two times Jacob had made me climax, I’d felt satisfied and content afterward. This time it was like a hunger was awakened in me and I wanted more, but I didn’t know what. I felt a little frantic as I clung to him and pulled my body in as tightly against his as was humanly possible.

“Jacob,” I murmured. “I want… I want… “ I didn’t know what I wanted. I tugged on his neck and lifted my feet off the ground, wrapping my legs around him. I could feel him, hard as steel against my stomach.

“Bella, no.” He tried to gently move me away from him. I knew my actions weren’t helping him any and he was thinking of me as he tried to pry me off just a little, but I was like a barnacle, suctioned to him.

“Jesus.” He moaned, helplessly. “I want to be inside you, so bad. Help me out here, Bella. Please, back off just a little, honey.”

I wasn’t in a helpful mood. I scooted my body up his, using the water to buoy me higher, so my wetness was enclosed around his shaft.

I ground my hips against him, the slickness between my legs working with me, gliding him up and down. He gripped my hips and moved me up and down along his length.

“We can’t do this.” He panted. “I don’t have a condom. We’re too close. I don’t want to take a chance, Bella. If I get you back home and you’re pregnant, Charlie will kill me. He’s been through enough.”

There’s nothing like someone talking about your parents to kill a mood. My legs loosened and I let them lower slowly back to the ground.

I reached for him and gripped him in my hand, pumping him under the water. He kissed me, his hand on the back of my head, holding me in place. A minute later, I felt him pulse in my hand and he groaned against my lips as I felt his release.

I stopped moving my hand, but kept it wrapped firmly around him, while he continued to kiss me, still holding me against his lips. Slowly the kisses grew less urgent and gentler and we broke away to catch our breath.

We stood in the water with our arms wrapped around each other, my face resting on his chest and his cheek against my hair, for a long time. No words, just breathing, our heartbeats aligned. I wanted to hold onto this moment of serenity with him as long as possible. I never felt so peaceful just _being_ with someone.

“I’m sorry, Bells. I really didn’t mean for that to happen. That wasn’t my intention when I suggested we…”

“When you suggested we get naked and go swimming?” I snickered. “What did you think would happen, Jacob? Are you that naïve?”

“I thought we’d swim and splash around a little. And maybe, you know, I’d get to see something.” He grinned.

“Like I said earlier, that’s why children aren’t allowed to read porn.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you really thought we’d both take our clothes off and not end up fooling around? I mean, Jacob, that’s really gullible.”

“I tried to be good!” he exclaimed, pulling me back to look at him.

“You’re right,” I looked down. “You did. I’m sorry. I just… I just wanted… I lost control.”

“Maybe _you_ shouldn’t be allowed to read porn.” He teased.

“Maybe I shouldn’t,” I agreed.

“Well, hey, I did get a good peek.”

I swatted him and tried to pretend I was mad, but my smile was too big to get away with it.

“Bella?”

I looked up at him.

“I really want to kiss you again.” He grinned.

I brought both hands under the water and splashed him, backing up as he retaliated. We swam and splashed the way he’d originally intended us to, the rest of the afternoon.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

“I think we scared all the fish away, Bells.”

He came into the shack that evening empty-handed.

“Yeah, well, that was some pretty scary stuff we were doing,” I murmured, looking to see what we had left as far as canned foods.

“It wasn’t scary.”

“You’re kind of scary, Jacob.” I grabbed a can of stew to heat up for us.

“I’m scary?” He sounded offended.

I turned around and looked at him. I had just been babbling, but I was surprised that he was surprised that he could be a little scary to someone who didn’t know him.

“You’re a little intimidating, Jacob. Not to me. But if someone didn’t know you… “

“Like a catfish?”

I snorted. “Yeah, you’re a big guy. I mean, you’re big, and you’re tall. And you’re… big.”

“You said that.”

“Well, you’re big all over.”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “All over?”

I tried to keep a straight face. “Uh-huh.”

“And that’s scary?”

“Yeah.” I giggled. “That’s scary.” I pushed him gently back away from me.

“Does my… size, scare you?”

The innuendo was killing me. We both knew we weren’t talking about his height anymore.

“No, my boyfriend in Phoenix was bigger than you.”

“You didn’t have a boyfriend in Phoenix.”

“Oh yeah.”

“No, really, Bella. Does my being big scare you?”

“Jacob!” My cheeks were burning. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Okay.” He put his hands up. “You know I’d do anything not to hurt you, though. Right?”

I swallowed and nodded. “I know,” I whispered.

He smiled, satisfied. “I’m gonna go put the fishing poles away.”

I couldn’t shake the warmth in my cheeks as I went about heating up some stew for our dinner. We’d stocked up on some canned goods since it didn’t look like the Volturi were going to be leaving anytime soon.

It was starting to get dark outside and I was just lighting some candles when Jake stepped out to check in with Sam for the second time that day. I didn’t even bother to get my hopes up that Sam would tell us it was safe to come home anymore.

Although, I had to admit, I was not as desperate to get home as I had been two weeks ago.

I got out the deck of cards thinking maybe I could let Jake kick my butt at poker when he came back. I no sooner shook the cards out than Jacob flung the door of the shack open and ran in, breathless. His eyes zeroed in on me, comfortable on the sleeping bag.

“Grab your stuff, Bella! Take what you need and leave the rest. We’ve got to get the hell out of here.”

He was throwing stuff into his canvas bag as he spoke. Jamming his clothes in and running around the shack, grabbing things here and there.

“What happened?” I jumped up and grabbed my backpack, making sure the envelope with the money was in there, and then began shoving things in around it.

“What’s going on? What’s happened, Jacob?”

“We don’t have time, Bells. I’ll tell you later. Just pack!”

He dropped to the floor and rolled up the sleeping bag, the blanket securely inside it. He rushed outside with it and his bag, and began attaching them to the back of the bike.

My heart was hammering in my chest as horrible scenarios flitted through my mind; the wolves in pieces, my father beaten and bludgeoned. I shook my head, hoping to dispel the visuals there.

I zipped up my backpack and pulled my heavy jacket on just as Jake strode back in purposefully.

“Got everything?” He looked around the room as he picked up my backpack, scanning for anything important we might have forgotten.

“I think so.” I stood looking around the tiny room. I’d resented this place when we’d first arrived and couldn’t wait to leave here and return home, but now…

A piece of my heart broke as we had to leave here so abruptly. Jacob and I had been through so much here, discovered so many things about each other. And through it all, with Jacob, I had grown to feel safe here.

Jacob took hold of my hand. “Come on, Bells.”

I stood stock still in the middle of the room. “I don’t want to go,” I whispered.

“I know,” he said softly. “We have to.” He smiled sadly at me. “Maybe we’ll come back again someday.”

I liked that thought. It made me feel better. Gave me something to hope for. I nodded at him.

“Come here.” He put my backpack down on the floor and pulled me to him. I threw my arms around his shoulders – shoulders that must sometimes feel like they carried the weight of the world on them. I couldn’t help thinking, thank god they’re so strong.

He took my face in his hands and kissed me; softly and gently. Almost like he was saying goodbye to me. “We’ll come back,” he whispered in my ear.

He tugged my hand and we hurried out to the motorcycle.

“Do you know where we’re going?” I asked him as I got on behind him.

He shook his head. “We’re just going for a long ride. Hold on tight, honey.”

I looked all around, trying to take a mental photograph in my head. The moon was shining down, reflecting off the lake, and I chastised myself for not noticing how beautiful it was here this whole time we’d been here. I turned my head as Jacob rode down the path.

I was even going to miss the outhouse. Okay, maybe not.

I stared at our lake as we rode till it finally disappeared from sight.

Jacob eventually hit the highway and we drove for miles through the night.

_~~``intoxicating``~~_


	11. Chapter Eleven

 

**Chapter 11**

Four and a half long hours later, Jacob pulled off at a hotel on the side of the road. We were somewhere along the Oregon coast. It was dark, cold and wet. The fog had gotten so thick as we drove, I don’t know how Jacob could see his way through it.

My hands were numb from the cold as I fumbled with the helmet strap under my chin. I could hardly move my fingers.

“I got it, Bells.” Jacob released the strap easily and pulled the helmet off over my head.

“My hands are frozen,” I told him. He took them between his and rubbed them, his heat bringing them back to life with pins and needles.

“I can’t get a room,” he said. “You have to be 18. Do you have your id?”

I nodded my head, unzipping the pocket of my backpack and pulling my drivers license out. I put it in my back pocket and then got out the envelope with the money and took two hundred dollar bills out. I had no idea how much it would cost for a room for the night.

There was a reception desk in the small lobby. A clock against the back wall read 12:05. It was just after midnight. The name of the hotel also clued me in to where we were. Tillamook, Oregon.

The check-in went smoothly, thank god. The college kid working behind the desk didn’t ask me if I was on tv or if he knew me from somewhere, and not one MISSING poster anywhere.

There was only one minor snafu.

“Would you like a room with one king-sized bed or two queens?”

My heart began hammering in panic at the thought of sleeping in a bed all by myself.

“One!” I practically shouted at the poor boy. He and Jacob both looked at me a little strangely.

The boy gave us our card key and we headed back outside and drove around to the back where our room faced the ocean. Jacob untied our stuff from the bag and grabbed the sleeping bag so no one could steal it and we trudged up a flight of stairs toward our room.

I was exhausted, sore and cold. I didn’t know whether I wanted to just flop onto the bed and pass out or take a long, hot shower. I was debating between the two as Jacob inserted the card and opened the door.

He flipped on the light-switch and we entered the room, passing the bathroom on the right just beyond the door. A small closet with a heater beside it was across from the bathroom. There was a king-sized bed with a small desk and chair opposite that. A sliding glass door led onto a small balcony with a view of the ocean. The fog outside was so dense it was impossible to see a thing beyond the railing which enclosed it.

I stood at the glass door and tried to see beyond the wet fog. When I turned around, Jacob was standing against the wall, as if he would collapse without its sturdiness behind him, holding him up. I watched him run his hand through his hair and then I asked him the million-dollar question.

“What happened?” My voice came out hoarse and quiet.

He stared at me blindly for a moment and then sat down on the bed wearily and put his head in his hands.

 _Oh no_.

“Jacob?”

“They went after my dad,” he said so softly, I almost had to ask him to repeat it.

“Who went after your dad? The Volturi? Is he alright? What did they do?”

He got up and started pacing around the small area in front of the bed, like a caged animal, trying to contain itself.

“The Volturi,” he spit out. “Sons of bitches went to my house. Apparently one of the assholes that left the other day can tell the relationships between people or something.”

 _Marcus_.

“He saw that your father and mine are best friends. Saw that the alpha wolf that had been watching them was a tribal elder with my dad. Figured out that my dad had a son who was closely tied to you and hey, what do you know? I wasn’t around either. So they went to my house.” He went over and leaned against the chair tucked under the desk.

“They went to my fucking house, Bella!” He picked up the chair and smashed it against the wall. The legs splintered into bits and pieces, flying around the room with the impact. “I should have been there!”

“Jacob! You’re scaring me! What did they do?”

He picked his bag up off the floor and threw it at the wall. It banged against the cheap wood paneling above the headboard and bounced back, landing on the other side of the room. He was heading for the lamp and I could see his arms quivering and shaking as he tried to contain his anger.

“Jacob, stop!” I tried to grab him by the shoulders, but he shook me off.

“Stand back, Bella.” He had the lamp up over his head and was about to chuck it across the room, when he looked over at me and the fear in my eyes stopped him dead. He was breathing heavy, and his body was still quaking. He put the lamp down.

“I have to get out of here. I’m sorry. I have to. I won’t be long, I promise.” He charged for the door and he was gone.

He left me here. He still hadn’t told me everything that had happened, I still was clueless as to why we had to leave the shack in such a hurry. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to sleep now. So I peeled off my clothes and got into a hot shower.

I slowly lathered up the soap and the shampoo, trying to kill as much time as I could, so maybe when I got out, Jacob would be back. I tried to enjoy the first hot shower I’d had in two weeks.

I used the hairdryer and dried my hair, pulling some sweats and a tank top out of my backpack, then sat on the corner of the bed and waited. Just as I looked at the bedside clock and estimated that Jacob had been gone for 40 minutes, there was a knock at the door.

I jumped from the bed. “Jacob?”

“It’s me, Bella. Let me in.”

I pulled the door open and he avoided my eyes as he went and sat at the edge of the bed. I leaned against the desk across from him, stepping over parts of the mutilated chair, and waited for him to tell me something.

He lowered his face into his hands and spoke slowly. “They went to the house and knocked my father around.”

“Is he alright?” I gasped.

“He’ll be okay. I think they just wanted to scare him. He’s a little bruised and he has a broken arm.”

I heard him take a shaky breath and I went to him, kneeling before him, pulling his hands away from his face. He fought me at first, but finally lowered his hands. His expression was hard, but I could see the tear tracks on his face. “Jacob.”

“One of them put their hands on my father and said something about ‘his son is with the girl’. They got in my dad’s head somehow. Fucking vampires. Then they said something about ‘they’re in the mountains, I’ve got the location’. And my dad knew they knew.”

Jacob looked at me. “Sam and the others weren’t able to get inside the house and help my dad for an hour.”

“Jacob,” I whispered. “But he’ll be alright? At least they didn’t kill him.”

“Yeah. They broke his arm, but they let him live. Sam thinks it’s because they don’t want a war with the wolves.”

“How did they get past Sam and the others?”

Jacob shook his head. “Sam said they were right there, just on the periphery of our property, watching from the trees. They never heard the vampires coming, but they smelt them just before they made it onto the porch. Sam said a strange fog gathered around them and they tried to charge at them, but they froze on the spot. They couldn’t move, they couldn’t see. They were helpless. Those assholes walked right into the house before their very eyes. The wolves could have taken them easily. It was Sam, Paul, Embry and Leah. Sam and Paul are the strongest fighters in the pack, aside from me.” He shook his head. “They could have taken them,” he repeated.

“The young one you told me about yesterday, that’s Alec. He can completely disable you; make you immobile with some kind of mist. That’s why they couldn’t move or see,” I whispered. “And now they’ve broken the treaty, right?”

He shook his head. “The treaty was with the Cullens so they could stay in Forks. But it doesn’t matter anyway, the Volturi are gone. Probably up in Mount Rainier right now.” He sighed a deep, weary, sigh.

“Where did you go earlier?”

“I had to get out. I had to phase, I had to run before I busted this place to pieces. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

I climbed up onto the bed, onto his lap, straddling him. “It’s okay,” I whispered in his ear.

It’s okay, I thought. I can forgive you anything, because this is all _my_ fault.

 _My fault_.

“I’m sorry about your dad.”

I kissed his cheek and my lips lingered there, trailing down to his jaw line and then his neck.

“Bella.”

I raised my hands to his shoulders, clinging to his strength. We both needed each other to get through this.

“Jacob,” I murmured against his mouth, tracing his upper lip with my tongue.

“I’m sorry we had to leave the cabin, honey,” he murmured, tracing circles with his thumb against my palm.

“It doesn’t matter where we are,” I whispered in his ear. “As long as you’re there with me.” I kissed along his chiseled jaw line. “I’ll be okay. You make anywhere feel like home.”

The look on his face reminded me of an afternoon long ago, when I sat on the side of a road alongside him and told him he was sort of beautiful.

“You’ve always made me feel safe,” I told him truthfully. “I trust you. I - I love you, Jacob. I always have.” I pulled back and captured his gaze, holding it. “Every different kind of love there is, I’ve felt for you. Love for a friend, family love… physical love.” I paused. “Now.” I swallowed. “Now I’m… I’m _in love_ with you.”

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”

“I know,” I whispered. “But I didn’t want to say it till I knew it was true. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

He kissed me softly.

“Maybe it has something to do with you being sort of beautiful.” I smiled.

“That must be it,” he murmured, bringing his hand up behind my head and pulling my mouth to his. He kissed me deeply before dropping his hands to grip my backside and pulled me in tighter, squeezing and pressing my rear end possessively.

I pushed his shoulders gently, ushering him down onto the bed, so I was on top, my mouth controlling the pressure and depth of our kisses. I lowered my face and licked along the sensitive line of his neck, tasting the saltiness of his dried perspiration and tears

Hands pushed my body up to a sitting position, straddling his prone form, while ushering my shirt off over my head. I bent back over, teasing his lips with my nipple, which poked through my thin lace bra. He growled as he latched on and nibbled gently. At this point, my body had begun to rock, as a sweet ache sought to ease itself against him.

He pulled me down alongside of him, quickly unclasping my bra and pulling it aside. His mouth was trailing kisses across my breasts as he murmured against them. “What do you want, honey? Just let me know what you want.”

His fingers trailed along my belly, causing my abdominal muscles to shiver and chills to run down the length of my arms. “Do you want me to use my hand?” His index finger snaked down over the zipper of my jeans and he pressed his palm against my core. I arched up against it.

“Or,” he said, lowering his lips to my belly as he released the button and eased the zipper of my pants down. “I could use my mouth. Would you like that?” My pants were over my legs and on the floor before I could even react. I moaned as he took the elastic at the top of my panties between his teeth and began to pull them down.

“Or I could use my body.” He pulled himself back up and pressed me up against his erection. “You decide. Whatever you want.”

As if to remind me of all my choices, his fingers trailed along the underside of my breast, while his mouth sucked at the nipple and he softly pressed himself against me, rhythmically.

“I don’t know,” I moaned breathlessly. I wanted them all. Although there was one that I had particularly enjoyed, but I was too embarrassed to come out and ask for it. “I did just take a shower.” I hinted, my cheeks heating. Just to be sure he understood, I pushed on his shoulders, lowering his face slightly.

I felt his lips curl into a smile against my skin. “I was hoping you’d choose that,” he told me, his face moving down to my stomach as he pulled my panties down and off.

My breath was coming a little too quickly as his face disappeared at the other end of my body. He pushed my legs open and situated himself between them, taking his time and lapping at the crease at the juncture of my thighs. Then I felt his tongue slide up the length of my slit a few times before he spread me open and planted his hot mouth full on against me. My hips rose against his face as I whimpered in surrender.

His tongue teased and flicked against my sensitive clit. I alternated between throwing my hands up over my head and just succumbing to the sensations and reaching down to twist my fingers in his hair and bring him closer, controlling the pressure.

“So good,” I sighed, my arms sliding back above my head once again.

I could feel that goodness building deliciously and wanted Jacob to feel that along with me.

“Can we?” I started to ask him.

He raised his head slightly. “What, honey? What do you want?”

“I want…“ I reached down and tugged at the button on his shorts. He pulled them off quickly. I took his length in my hand and began to maneuver myself, bringing my mouth to him.

“Oh!” He understood what I wanted and laid flat on his back, bringing my hips over his face as I brought my body along his torso and took him into my mouth at the same time. As I moved my head up and down along his length, I could feel him gently sucking my hardened nub, his tongue swirling around it.

The realization that we were sharing this unbelievable feeling together, just about pushed me over the edge. I could feel his moans reverberating against me and I hummed along with him, knowing he could feel my moans vibrating against him as well.

His finger probed my opening and inched its way inside me, gently gliding in and out. I felt that luscious tingle with every stroke of his finger against my inner walls, and knew it was the beginning of the end.

I gripped the base of his shaft with my hand, moving my head and my tongue faster, bringing him to his peak along with me. As our excitement built, we both picked up speed until I had to move my mouth away for just a moment, but kept my hand stroking, pumping him quickly as my inner walls contracted around his fingers and my orgasm swept over me in waves.

His shaft began pulsing in my hand and just as my climax finally ended, Jacob exploded in my grip. I brought my mouth to his now sticky, glistening head and gently sucked until his spasms subsided.

Once my pulse rate stabilized and I got my breathing under control, I quickly maneuvered myself out of my very unladylike position. I turned myself right-side up and lay on top of Jacob’s body, my head resting against his chest. I could hear his heart beating strong and steady underneath my ear.

His heat kept the front of my body nice and cozy, but my back was chilly in the cold room, so I reached down and pulled just the thin top sheet on the bed up over us to contain the warmth. He rolled slightly to the side, so I dropped onto my side and he pulled my back into his chest. I was so exhausted and comfortable, I couldn’t open my eyes if I’d wanted to. I pulled his hand up to my lips and kissed the back of it.

“I love you,” I murmured.

“I love you too, Bells.”

_~~``intoxicating``~~_

 

“Get your hands off him!”

I sat straight up in bed, waking myself up as I shouted out in my sleep. I glanced over at Jake, who just mumbled and rolled over, still sound asleep. Sometimes when I woke up so fresh from a dream, I could remember some of the details, but this time they eluded me.

I felt wide-awake. And thirsty. I remembered seeing a vending machine just in front of the entrance to the lobby. But that was all the way around on the other side of the building. I had some one-dollar bills and change in my backpack.

I carefully slid to the edge of the bed and got up, tiptoeing across the room to get some money. It wasn’t that far to the front lobby. I could be there and back in just over 5 minutes. The digital clock on the nightstand read 3:45 am.

I was going to be exhausted tomorrow. The slip that I’d had to sign for the room said check-out was 11:00. I don’t think Jacob planned on staying here more than one night.

I padded around the floor, feeling for my underwear and pants. I found them halfway under the bed, and pulled them on. My shirt was at the bottom of the comforter and I pulled that over my head.

I grabbed a couple of dollar bills and some quarters, grabbing the card key from the desk and crept for the door. I tripped over one of the chair legs that had splintered off from the impact of the chair hitting the wall earlier tonight. Luckily, I caught myself before I hit the ground, just tripping and falling forward a few steps before righting myself.

As soon as I opened the door, the wet chill hit me. It looked like the fog had broken up slightly. I could now see most of the parking lot and where the building ended, up ahead. I hadn’t bothered to put my shoes on, so I hurried, barefoot around to the lobby in front.

There was soda and water, as well as candy bars, potato chips, pretzels and granola bars to choose from. I had enough for water and a granola bar and I got Jacob some potato chips with the leftover change. I held tight to my purchases and made my way quickly back around the building. The sound of the waves pulling out and crashing into the shore got louder as I came closer to the room.

I could see the beach now, with the purple black sky above. I was a few doors down from our room when I squinted, making out a figure standing on the sandy shore. They were walking up toward the hotel and I watched them closely, my gait picking up speed instinctually.

I was watching them so intently, that I stubbed my toe on the hard concrete.

“Ow!” I hissed, dropping my water and the food. It hurt like hell, but I was getting a very weird vibe, so I desperately tried to gather my things hurriedly off the ground. I was probably being paranoid; they were probably a guest of the hotel that was having trouble sleeping, just like me.

I still grabbed my bottle as it tried to roll away from me as fast as I could, nonetheless.

When I straightened up, my gaze immediately went to see how close this stranger had gotten in his approach to me.

I gasped; he had moved with incredible speed and was now standing on the short wooden walkway that led from the hotel to the beach, about 20 feet in front of me. Just staring, his body stock still.

I gripped the card key in my hand and rushed for the door, pushing the card into the slot and flinging the door open. As I entered the safety of our room, I couldn’t help myself – I paused, turning back around. He had come about twelve feet closer, just eight feet from the door. He was so close, I could see his expression; it reminded me of the look on James’ face when he got that first whiff of me and instantly coveted my human blood. The stranger’s eyes glowed the same shade of crimson. I muffled a screech and shoved the door shut, leaning against it, my heart pounding.

I screamed when Jacob emitted a loud growl and jumped up, standing at his full height on top of the bed, his hands in fists, his shaggy hair tousled from sleep.

_Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf?_

He rushed at me toward the door, that strange guttural snarling coming from his throat. I could see his whole body quivering, ready to explode, his eyes glowing an eerie golden hue.

“Get away from the door, Bella!” He pulled me aside and yanked the door open. I could see him sniffing, smelling as the cold air wafted in. He started to head outside and I grabbed him by the arm, trying to pull him back inside.

“Don’t go out there! There’s a vampire!”

He ignored me, venturing a little farther out of the room. “I could smell him,” he muttered. “Get back in the room.” He threw back at me.

“Jacob! You’re naked. Get in here.”

He walked out to the curb at the edge of the parking lot, breathing deeply and looking all around. Luckily there was no one else out there to see him.

“He’s gone.” He turned back to me and came back into the room, shutting the door behind us. “Was he one of them? Did you recognize him?”

I shook my head. This vampire had had shoulder-length golden-blonde hair. His nose was large and slightly hooked, and he had thin, almost non-existent lips. I couldn’t tell exactly how old he was, but I’d say maybe early thirties. He was tall. Not as tall as Jacob, but taller than Charlie, who swears he’s exactly six feet.

“I’ve never seen him before. He’s not with the Volturi. Edward told me all the guard’s names and special powers.” I thought a minute. I knew there were three core members of the Volturi, all of whom I’d met in Volterra. I believe Edward said there were seven guards who served them. I didn’t remember everything about the guards, like I did the Volturi themselves, but I did remember there was no one who fit this vampire’s physical description. The only pale blonde male was Caius, who I remembered distinctly. That was not Caius.

Jacob put his hands on my shoulders. “What happened?”

“I woke up and I went to get a drink from the vending machine by the lobby, and on my way back, I saw him down on the beach. And he – he followed me.”

“You went walking around in the middle of the night by yourself?” He looked down at my feet. “Barefoot?” he added incredulously. He shook his head. “You really are a magnet to the monsters, aren’t you?”

“Potato chips?” I asked him weakly, holding out the bag that was still in my hand, trying to defuse the situation.

“Guess he wasn’t expecting to find a werewolf in your room, huh?” he asked, ripping the bag open and popping a few chips in his mouth.

“Guess not. Are you sure he’s gone?”

“For now.”

We got back in bed and ate a little bit before I threw my clothes on the floor and cuddled back into his warmth.

“You’re sure he’s not one of them, Bella?”

“I’m sure. Besides, how quickly could they have gotten here? He’s not one of them,” I murmured. I was too exhausted to do anything at this point, anyway.

What I didn’t know was that Jacob kept his eyes open and on the door the whole night.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

** **

**Chapter Twelve**

**Day 15**

 

It was 10:45 when Jacob woke me up the next morning. He was dressed and had our stuff by the door when he shook me awake.

“Why don’t you get dressed and we can go get some breakfast? There’s a café across the street.”

I got out of bed with a groan, wrapping the sheet around me as I walked to the bathroom while Jake flopped back on the bed and picked up the remote, turning the television on. I stood in the bathroom doorway, brushing my teeth while he flipped through the channels. I hadn’t seen a television in two weeks.

“Hey, Spongebob! Put it back!” I told him, my mouth full of toothpaste.

I yanked the tags off a new t-shirt I’d gotten the week before and pulled it on over my jeans. As I ran a brush through my hair, I realized Jacob had cleaned up and gotten rid of what was left of the chair he’d totaled the night before.

We went to the front lobby to check-out.

I could see Jacob’s eyes darting back and forth, as we walked through the parking lot and his nostrils were flaring slightly as he sniffed the air. He tied the sleeping bag to the back of the bike and carried my backpack and his canvas bag to the front of the building.

I didn’t ask and he didn’t say a word, so I assumed the vampire was long gone.

We paid and turned in our card key and Jacob took my hand as we crossed the street to the café. It was pretty busy, being a Sunday, but we only had to wait 10 minutes for a table. Jacob tossed our stuff into the booth and we sat down across from each other.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked me after we’d been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

“I miss the cabin,” I whispered, biting my bottom lip.

“Aww, Bells.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Me too.”

He reached across the table and took my hand. “Have I ever lied to you?”

“No!” I answered, surprised. I was shocked that he would even ask me that.

“Then trust me – we will go back. I promise. Just you and me. And this time, it’ll be all good.” He grinned. “And we’ll go skinny-dipping again. And we’ll have _two_ sleeping bags.

“No! Just one.” I smiled. “I like sharing.” I squeezed his hand.

“And we’ll take the raft out on the lake at night. At midnight. And make love under the stars.”

A heat spread abruptly through my lower body at his words, and I looked down, excited and embarrassed.

“That would be… _perfect_.” I swallowed, my cheeks coloring.

He rubbed little circles in the palm of my hand with the callused tip of his thumb and I swear it felt like he was touching me _there_.

It was a little frightening that Jacob, my friend Jacob, the one I’d counted on for so long and took for granted, could have such an effect on me. I was afraid it was written all over my face.

That he could make me feel like I was melting into a hot, luscious mess on the floor with a look, a touch, even just the sound of his husky voice. And when he said things like _that_ , I just…

“So, here’s the question.” He broke me from my surprised reverie. “Where do you want to go? Anywhere in the United States, we can go. I don’t have a passport, or I’d say the sky’s the limit, but that’s still a pretty big place for us to wander. Is there anywhere you’ve always wanted to see?”

I pursed my lips, thinking. I knew a few places I _didn’t_ want to go; Florida, for one. Arizona was a close second.

“California?” I used to watch The Beverly Hillbillies on Nickelodeon with Charlie and the opening song went through my head. _Swimming pools, movie stars_.

He looked up at the ceiling thinking, calculating in his head. “We could do that.” He nodded. “That would be easy, in fact. San Francisco? LA? San Diego? Where?”

“I don’t care. Let’s just drive through until we find a place we want to stay.”

The waitress came over and put Jacob’s plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and pancakes down in front of him and then set my bagel with cream cheese on the table. She filled his coffee cup, leaving mine empty, before she smiled at Jacob and sashayed away, glancing over her shoulder at him as she left. He didn’t even notice.

“Sounds like a plan.” He scooped up some eggs and bit into his bacon.

“Did you check-in with Sam this morning? Does he still want you to do a twice a day thing?” I spread the cream cheese over my bagel and took a bite.

“No more phasing for a while.” His brows furrowed seriously. “Last night everyone was there when I left the hotel room and phased. Sam doesn’t want any of them to know where we are. I won’t be checking-in for a week, unless there’s an emergency.”

I nodded my head and noticed the crooked smirk that appeared suddenly on Jake’s face.

“What?”

“Embry and Quil say hi,” he told me. He took a sip of his coffee. “Quil wants to borrow Love’s Carnal Desires when we get back.”

My eyes widened.

“Quil asked if you’d dog-ear the good pages so he doesn’t have to hunt for them.”

My eyes widened even more.

He put his head down and tried to cover the huge grin on his face. “Jared and Paul say you can thank them later.”

“Thank them for what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

“For having such vivid, detailed thoughts, and uh, teaching me so well.”

Oh. My. God.

I picked up the nearest object, which happened to be a spoon, and threw it at him. “Jacob Black! What have you done? What did you _tell_ them?” I demanded.

“I didn’t tell them anything, I swear!” He looked down, his ears red. “Pack mind, remember? They can see and hear my thoughts.”

Great. Just great.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

“If we just stay along the coastline, this highway should lead us right to California.”

“Perfect.” I pulled my helmet on over my head.

“Disneyland?” he asked.

“No.” I frowned. “It wouldn’t feel right. Too… happy. Seems disrespectful, don’t you think?”

He nodded solemnly.

“Why, did you want to go there?”

He shook his head. “Someday. But not now. I wish these were better circumstances.”

“Me too,” I told him, getting onto the back of the bike. “Me too.”

“Let me know if you need to stop for food or a restroom, or just want to check something out, okay?” He hollered over the motor.

We pulled out of the hotel’s parking lot and left Tillamook behind. The fog had burned off, and the sun was trying to break through the clouds, but there was a coastal chill in the air.

The sun. That’s what I needed. California was famous for beautiful weather. I wrapped my arms tight around my personal sun’s waist and tried to soak up and absorb some of his heat as the crisp air rushed by us.

The weather was strange as we rode down the coast. There were microclimates every 10-20 miles or so. We’d hit a cold, foggy patch, then it would be cloudy and windy. Eventually, the further we drove, the bluer the skies and the higher the temperatures rose.

We’d stopped after driving for four hours straight to get something to drink and get gas, as well as use the restroom. It was just a little after four in the afternoon. It was hot now and I took off my jacket, leaving just my hoodie sweatshirt on over my t-shirt. Jake tied my coat down onto the back of the bike.

“So, a couple more hours and we’ll look for a place to spend the night. If you see somewhere you want to stay, yell.”

An hour and a half later, we passed a crowded beach with picnic tables and a playground. I could see bbq pits by the tables and smelled grilled hamburgers and hot dogs as we passed.

“Stop!” I pulled on his shirt to get his attention.

He pulled into the lot. “Here?”

“Yeah, but go back, there was a store a couple blocks back. We’ll pick up some hot dogs or something. Oooh, and some marshmallows.”

He grinned back at me. “Okay, hold on.”

He u-turned and went back 3 blocks to the grocery store I’d seen and we bought some hot dogs, a liter of soda, some marshmallows and a deli salad with carrots and raisins, which I would force Jacob to eat. I knew wolves were carnivores, but really, it wouldn’t kill him to eat a little roughage once in a while.

It was going on 6:00 and some of the picnickers were packing up to go. A sign said the park officially closed at 10. There were five fire pits and we lucked out and found one that someone hadn’t put out completely. Jacob managed to coax the coals into overdrive and we grilled the hot dogs and ate at a picnic table.

“Look.” Jacob pointed to two little kids on the swings. “Who do they remind you of?”

A huge grin spread across my face. There was a tiny pale girl with dark hair and big brown eyes on the swing, and an even smaller dark boy behind her, pushing her.

“Could be us.” I giggled. “Only we didn’t swing. We made mud pies.”

“We could have swung, you don’t know. Maybe we just don’t remember.”

“We can swing now.” I dared him.

I tossed the last couple of bites of my hot dog into the trash and ran for the only other empty swing. The little boy and girl watched me with big round eyes.

“Come on! Push me!” I yelled.

Jacob crammed half a hot dog in his mouth, wiped his hands on his jeans, and jogged over. He looked at the little boy and girl still watching me, mesmerized. He put his index finger up to the side of his head and rotated it a few times. “She’s loca,” he told them.

They giggled shyly, sneaking glances back and forth at the two of us.

He pushed me for a few minutes, making me sail up so high, I thought I was going to fly right off the swing.

“Okay, you push me now, Bells.”

“Did you eat your carrots?” I asked him pointedly, not quite ready to give up my turn.

“No.”

I looked over at the boy and girl as the swing lost some of its momentum when Jake stopped pushing it. “He didn’t eat his vegetables. I don’t think he should get a turn, do you?”

They looked at Jacob, who pouted and then back at me and shook their little heads, smiles playing on their faces.

“Nope. See? You didn’t eat your veges. No turn for you, Jacob.”

They looked back at him to see what he would retort, when a man whistled and yelled, “Jamie! Izzie! Let’s go!”

They squealed and waved at us before they took off running. Jacob took the now empty swing alongside me.

“Wanna share?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively at me.

“How?”

“Just sit on my lap. Haven’t you ever shared a swing before?”

“No,” I said getting off mine and looking around, paranoid. There was no need to be. The park was empty except for a teenage boy and girl down by the water, who weren’t even close or paying any attention to us.

“Come on, climb on.”

I gripped the metal chains on either side of the swing and pulled myself up, sliding my legs around and over his lap.

“Ow, that’s uncomfortable.” I adjusted my legs so the chains weren’t pinching them.

Jacob shuffled his feet in the dirt, stopping the swing’s movement. His hands were on my rear end and his mouth was on mine before I knew what hit me.

“I knew that was your evil plan,” I murmured when we both came up for air.

“You know me too well,” he growled against my lips. “So, I have an idea. It’s nice out here, why don’t we just drive down the road a ways and find a spot on the beach and sleep here? In the sleeping bag, under the stars.”

“Okay.”

“We can’t park here in the lot overnight or they’ll probably tow the bike, but we should be able to find a place to pull over and park farther down the highway.”

He stood up, holding me against him, with my legs wrapped around his waist. I could feel he was hard, and I swallowed nervously.

Us alone.

In a sleeping bag.

On the beach.

Under the stars.

I hoped he’d gotten that condom on with no problems on the first try.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

I took a deep breath, my nose buried in the sleeping bag. It smelled like the cabin. I rolled over onto my back and squinted as I could see the stars just starting to shine in the pinkish, charcoal twilight sky.

I had one of our flashlights next to me that Jacob had fished out of his bag for me. The surf crashed and pounded 100 yards or so away. We were up by the rocks, protected and hidden from the road above.

Jacob took his shirt and his shoes off before he joined me on the sleeping bag. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and stuck it in his shoe.

“And just in case you were counting those condoms again, sneaky girl, there’s one in my wallet. So don’t go hurting yourself wondering what I did with it.”

I put both my palms up in front of me. “I wasn’t anywhere near your condoms.”

He dropped onto his knees beside me. “Just saying.”

I looked up at him, with his back to me as he gazed out over the waves. His shoulders and back seemed massive as his torso flared down to his narrow waist. He was so big, I couldn’t help but feel safe with my own personal werewolf protecting me. How lucky was I?

I was sleepy. All this sunshine and fresh air tired me out. I turned on my side and idly ran my bare toes back and forth in the sand around the edges of the sleeping bag.

“Bella?” Jacob said softly. “Don’t be mad at me, okay? But part of me feels like we should go back.”

I didn’t say anything, and he was quiet for a moment before he continued.

“I feel like we should just stand up to them and end this.” He turned back and looked at me. “But then, if anything happened to you… I just. I don’t know what the right thing to do is, you know?”

I looked down at the sand, avoiding his eyes. Jacob was so good, so brave, and I was such a coward. I couldn’t bare to go back. For selfish reasons.

What if something happened to Jacob? I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I was willing to put everyone else’s life in peril if it would save his.

It wasn’t about my life, I didn’t care what happened to me. More than anything I wanted everyone to be safe; Charlie, Billy, the wolves. But if it came down to a choice between them and Jacob…

I’d choose Jacob.

I lay my head down on my arms and shut my eyes, letting the sound of the surf lull my senses until I drifted off to sleep.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

I woke up and my hair felt wet. My immediate thought was that the tide had come in, and Jacob and I were being swept out to sea. I lifted my head and felt Jake’s hand soothingly sweeping along my arm.

“Are you okay? You were crying again.”

“A dream,” I murmured.

“Do you remember any of it?”

I closed my eyes and images flashed back at me.

“I was home, standing in the kitchen. Charlie had his back to me, facing the sink. I was so happy to see him. He turned around toward me, and my dad’s face changed. It’s like it superimposed before my eyes and turned into Felix’s.”

I took a deep breath and Jacob swept my hair away from my face.

“So I ran from the house and through the woods. The dream gets kinda blurry… But then I saw the house. What _used_ to be the house.” My voice dropped to a whisper. “The Cullen’s house. It was burned to the ground and I walked through the rubble, and my shoes were sinking in the ashy remains.”

Just remembering the next part made my heart start hammering in my chest and more tears bubbled up to the surface.

“You don’t have to tell me, Bells. Come here.”

“No.” I pushed his hand away and wiped the tears off my face. “I want to. It got like a horror movie or something.” I took a deep breath and it turned into a sob. “I was walking…” I had to stop and get my voice back in command through my tears. I could hear Jacob saying my name softly as I struggled. “I was walking over the burned-out dirt and a…”

My mouth opened and a keening sound came from my chest. I forced the last part out. “A hand came up out of the dirt and it, it – it grabbed onto my leg!”

I lunged my body at him with the force of my sobs. “It was him, Jacob! It was him! The hand! It was white with long fingers! And it was cold!”

I couldn’t speak for a long time. I just cried onto Jacob’s chest and he held me till I got it all out.

The stress was getting to me. Maybe Jacob was right. Maybe we should just go back and face things head-on. Whatever would be would be.

“Bella, honey. This dream has nothing to do with him. You’ve just been through a lot.” His voice tightened as if his next words were difficult for him to say. “You know Edward loved you. If anything, he’s watching over you. Don’t confuse this nightmare with anything to do with him. You know that would hurt him.”

I took a deep breath. He was right. This was a nightmare, plain and simple. It wasn’t a sign or a warning. The last thing Edward would want would be for me to be frightened of him. He’d died trying to keep me safe.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Thank you for understanding and not taking it personally. I know it’s hard for you.”

“It’s alright, Bella. It seems so stupid now. The jealousy, the hate. I’m sorry I put you through that.”

“I know. Me too. I wish we could go back and do it all over again.”

“Ya know, I was thinking.” He sat up and stared at the sky. “It’s weird how things work out. When Edward left last year, I know you were a wreck and everything, and I felt so bad for you. But, what if he’d never left? What if you never needed my mad automotive skills?”

My first thought was, I’d probably be a vampire right now, and I’d be living my happily ever after. Poor Charlie would be going through exactly what he’s going through now. I’d be in cold, faraway Alaska living with the Denali clan, with Tanya looking over my shoulder and judging _me_ – the newborn. Letting Edward know how miserably I failed to measure up to the rest of them.

I’d be drinking blood. Maybe I would have had polar bear or baby seal blood, instead of hot dogs for dinner.

I’d be stuck trying to come up with small talk to fill the long 24 hour days with no relief of sleep.

But Edward and I might also be making love with no restraint, no danger of getting carried away and him killing me. To the contrary, I might hurt him, being a newborn and all.

Unless… what if Edward were still just as uptight and old-fashioned as when I was human? I couldn’t imagine Edward making me feel as good as Jacob does. Or being so natural and comfortable about it.

And Edward doing the things that Jacob has done to me? Edward… with his face… _there_? I don’t think Edward did things like that.

Or, I could be in the exact predicament I was in now. The Volturi could still have come to kill the human who knew too much. And Edward’s reluctance to change me would have left me a weak human, just as I was now. Without Jacob, I’m sure I would have died in that fire along with the Cullen’s two weeks ago.

A shudder went through me and I made a command decision to stop thinking about what could have been.

I’d still rather be with Jacob right now, over anyone else. Even if Edward hadn’t left last year, I bet I would have eventually gotten around to discovering Jacob’s awesomeness on my own. If there were such a thing as destiny, we’d have been unable to fight the draw to one another.

“Bells? You still awake?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Jacob, I’d have figured out how special you are eventually. Might have taken me a little longer, but I’d have figured it out,” I yawned.

“Yeah, I grow on people.” He smiled softly.

“Like fungus.” I wrinkled my nose playfully.

“Like fung-“

He jumped to his feet expeditiously in one lightening fast move. He spun his head, searching for something.

“What? What is it, Jake?” I scooted quickly off the sleeping bag and back toward the rocks. My gaze flew up above us and that’s when I saw him - a figure on the cliffs behind us. All I could make out in the moonlight was golden hair, and I knew.

“Jake! Up there!” I screamed, pointing up to the rocks above.

I watched in horror as they jumped from the edge, flying out 20 feet or so before gravity pulled them down to the beach in front of us.

“Jacob! No!” His body quaked and shook like it was going to fly apart.

And then it did.

In a dizzying blur, the figure was right on top of me, his face less than two feet away.

“You smell so sweet,” he hissed, his red eyes staring straight into mine. “I bet you taste like a vintage red wine. As soon as I take care of your hairy companion, I’ll drain yo-“

I felt the thick coarse fur of Jacob’s coat skim across my nose and cheeks as he leaped across the length of sand between us and tackled the vampire against the rocky cliff ledge.

My throat felt tight and I tried to suck in air as I backed away, my limbs heavy with fear. They were both moving so fast, my eyes following them as they bounced and thrashed across the sandy shore.

I’d never comprehended how Jacob could defeat a vampire. They were so strong and so fast. But Jacob had reassured me numerous times that that was what werewolves were designed to do. I’d always hoped that he would never be put to the test.

It was dark and they were hazy, moving at such superior speeds. I could see Jacob had the vampire pinned to the ground, with the weight of his massive chest and paws. He worked his muzzle just right  around the vampire’s neck and bit down. With a flick of his powerful jaws, the head snapped completely off with a loud crackling crunch. I watched in awe and terror as the head propelled right past me and sailed halfway down the beach.

The night filled with terrible splintering snapping sounds as the wolf fractured the limbs from the figure’s body. Jacob turned his head at me and made a noise between a bark and a howl that sounded like a command. I just shook my head dazedly at him. What did he want?

I stood, shaking now, watching the unbelievable scene unfold before me.

“Get the matches out of my bag, Bella.”

Suddenly it was Jacob, his hair wild and disheveled, on all fours, pulling the vampire’s body parts into a pile.

I dropped to my knees and crawled the few feet to his bag and hunted through the pocket till I felt the matchbox. I stood up and brought it to him, igniting the tip of one till the flame burned orange in my hand.

“Be careful! They’re highly flammable.” He stood up and pulled me back a foot or so and took the match from my hand, tossing it onto the pile. With a loud bang, a fire exploded, shooting up in the air as if we’d poured a can of lighter fluid or gasoline directly on it. Jacob jogged down the beach a ways and I turned my head as he approached the fire, the head in his hand.

“Burn, you fucker.” Jacob growled.

I heard it bounce onto the pile and watched as the flames licked blue, purple and orange. Jacob and I stood together and stared into the blaze. I felt him reach for my hand and intertwine his fingers with mine.

I didn’t know what to do with what I’d just seen. My mind didn’t quite know how to process it. The flames were dying down now, and we backed up and slumped down onto the sleeping bag.

“I need to wash off. There’s some venom on my legs – that shit is poisonous and burns like a mother. And the smell – I have to get this smell off me. I’ll be right back.”

He jogged down to the water and dove in. I crawled around the sand, collecting the pieces of fabric from Jacob’s clothes. One pair of shorts and underwear, down the drain. There was a garbage can up by the parking lot, I’d throw them away when we left in the morning.

Jacob came up out of the surf, naked. He shook his head viciously, the water spraying like a dog all around him. He tried to shake the remaining water from his limbs as he made his way back to me.

I felt amazingly calm, and knew my brain just wasn’t quite wrapped around what had happened. Which meant that tomorrow I would pay the consequences. Or maybe I was so jaded now, I was just used to supernatural beings trying to kill me and watching them tear each other limb from limb. I didn’t know which thought was scarier; that I would break down in the next few days or that I was used to it and unaffected.

“It was the same vampire from the hotel last night, wasn’t it?”

I nodded my head.

“I could tell by his smell. He must have followed us.”

I nodded silently again.

“Your blood must have one hell of a scent.” That was all he said, before he flopped onto his back and fell asleep instantly. I covered his lower body with the blanket and wrapped myself around him, his skin clammy from the ocean water. I knew he would be hot as a furnace again in a few minutes, so I ignored the chill on his skin and passed out beside him.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 _Reviews? Kaythnxbai_.

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Day 16**

 

The sky was a light gray infused with pink as the sun came up. I glanced over at Jacob, still sound asleep beside me. I suppose killing vampires wore you out. Watching must have the opposite effect, because I’d had a hard time sleeping all night. I kept waking up and craning my head, scanning the cliff tops for random figures in the night.

There was a long scar, now faded light pink down Jacob’s arm. It must have been cut open last night. By the time he’d washed off in the ocean the bleeding had stopped. I wondered what other injuries he had suffered that had healed during the night.

I swept his shaggy dark hair off his face and looked closely. Was it my imagination or did his perfect nose now have the teeniest bit of a dent? My eyes roved down over his chest and stomach, but I couldn’t see anything that looked injured or remiss. Except for his arm and his nose, nothing else looked out of place.

I pulled the blanket down, below his belly button, looking for scars.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh!” I jumped. “You’re awake!”

“Seeing me in action last night get you a little excited?” He smirked as his eyes wandered down to my hand that had obviously been pulling the blanket over his pelvis.

“I-I was just checking to see if you got hurt last night!” I defended myself hotly.

“Everything that’s supposed to be under the blanket is still there, don’t worry. But you can go ahead and check if it will make you feel better.”

“Gah!” I huffed, pulling the blanket all the way up to his chest. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay! You look like you got cut on your arm.”

“Yeah,” he said, grabbing his right arm and looking at the now faded gash. “Bloodsucker ripped me open pretty good.” He sat up and pointed to a section of sand about 15 feet away by the rocks. “See?”

There was blood there, now almost black in color, dried on top of the sand and over the stones. It must have been so dark last night it had blended in and I never saw it. I was glad I hadn’t. Now I could see dabs of it here and there that led down to the water. He must have been bleeding pretty heavily and I never even noticed.

“Oh my god!” I breathed. “And you’re okay now? Does it hurt?”

“Nope.” He shook his head and glanced at the scar again. “I know he broke my nose too, fucking leech. But feels fine now.” He grabbed his nose with his hand and wiggled it. “See? Nothing. I think he broke one of my ribs, but maybe he just bruised it.”

I stared dumbfounded at him. His arm had been ripped open, his nose broken and possibly a broken rib and now he was fine.

“Stop looking at me like that, Bells. I’m fine. Except… I’m hungry.”

I just shook my head and threw my arms around him. I didn’t even realize I was crying till I felt the tears running down my face.

“Hey,” he chuckled, surprised. “It’s okay, Bells. I’m fine.” He rubbed my back soothingly. 

He’d fought, been wounded, saved my life, and he was soothing me. Something was wrong with this picture. I would make it up to him later. I felt like I wanted to cook him a huge meal, put him to bed and take care of him, and just… I don’t know – be nice to him for everything he’d done for me. Sit and watch action movies, football games, and swimsuit models run on the beach with him, all things I hated.

“Come on honey, I’m fine. We should pack up and hit the road before it gets light.”

I got myself together and wiped my face before I let go of Jacob and turned to get all our things together. I placed the matchbox and the flashlight back in Jake’s bag and zipped it up.

All that was left of the vampire was approximately a five foot circle of blackened sand.

“Can we **_not_** sleep outside tonight?” I asked Jacob, unable to tear my eyes away from the spot.

“Sure, sure.” He took my hand and pulled me toward the path leading up to the road where we’d left the bike.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

Jacob got back onto Highway 101 and we drove down the coast, stopping for breakfast at a McDonald’s along the way. We’d gotten an early start and drove for hours, so by 1:00 I was so sore and tired, I hollered at Jake to pull off the highway and head inland so we could find someplace to stay.

We came to a small town that ran beside a river, with cabins that dotted along its shore. We passed a grocery store and drove over a bridge and down a couple of side streets and I saw them.

“Pull over!” I yanked on Jake’s t-shirt and pointed at the two dozen or so cottages on the dirt road up ahead. A small cabin served as an office and Jake pulled into the tiny dirt lot alongside of it.

“Can we see if we can stay here?” I asked him, pulling my helmet off.

“Sure.” He looked around skeptically. “But I think people reserve these things ahead of time, Bells. But we can try,” he added, seeing my disappointed expression.

I pulled my ID and some money out of my backpack and stuck it all in my back pocket. I looked at the office nervously. “I wish I could give a fake name, but they’re gonna see my driver’s license.” I shrugged.

We walked in and there was a woman behind a wood partition, doing some paperwork. She looked up as we came in. “Hi.” She smiled. “I’m Rosie, how can I help you?”

“Hi, I just wanted to see about renting one of your cottages?” I smiled tentatively.

“Do you have a reservation?”

I shook my head.

“Oh, honey, some of these cabins are reserved a year in advance for the summer.”

“Oh.” I ducked my head in disappointment.

“But,” she said. “I had someone cancel at the last minute two days ago on Number 7. It’s empty till Friday.” She opened some kind of logbook and went down the page with her index finger. “Uh-huh, someone is checking in on Friday, so you can have it till then. Check-out will be 10:00 am Friday morning. It’s a 2-bedroom, 2 bath.” She looked up at the two of us. “Did you want to do that?”

Jacob and I looked at each other.  It was a little big for the two of us. Today was Monday. We could have it for 4 nights.

“You’re extremely lucky,” she told us. “Like I said, these cottages are booked well in advance, and we never get cancellations.”

Jake nodded imperceptively at me.

“Okay.” I smiled. When Rosie told me how much it was going to cost, I thought Jacob was going to cough up a lung, but I just nudged him out to the bike to get some more money.

I looked around the room while Rosie wrote some things down. The back wall was covered with magazines and books, as well as comics and manga. There was even a small section of picture books for little ones. The side wall was a complete library of dvd’s.

I could also see horseshoes on a shelf and there were croquet sets against the window.

Jake came back in with the money and I paid Rosie. “Okay, just sign right here, and put your initials there.”

She gave me some change and a receipt. “Here’s a key for each of you. Bella.” She handed me mine. Then she held one out to Jake. “And… ? What’s your name, hon?”

Jacob took the key from her. “Raoul,” he told her coolly.

I snorted a laugh, which I had to cover up with a coughing fit. Rosie looked at me oddly. “Getting over a summer cold,” I told her.

“There’s a communal lawn around the side where you can play croquet or just hang out, and down in back there are some stakes set up for horseshoes. And can you see that path just past there?” She pointed to a dirt trail that was visible through the window. “That leads down to the beach.”

“Okay, thank you.” Jacob and I headed out and walked down the dirt road to the cottages. They were numbered, and we found ours down the second row.

“Raoul??” I laughed when we got far enough away that Rosie couldn’t hear us.

He shrugged, chuckling. “Sure, sure. Why not?”

We walked up the stairs onto the porch. There were two large white rattan chairs and a porch swing. He used his key and opened the front door wide. Now _this_ was a cabin!

It was fully furnished and everything was painted white. It had wood floors and the kitchen was fully stocked and had a dishwasher. A long table was next to the window and a bench rather than chairs were on either side. Like an indoor picnic table.

There were two bedrooms, one with two twin beds and the other had a king-sized four-poster bed and its own bathroom. The bed was made of dark wood, with a gauzy white material draped around each post. The master bath had a sunken tub with jets, and a separate shower that could easily fit six people in it with plenty of room left over to move around.

“Wow,” was all Jacob could say as we looked in every room. It _was_ nice.

“So what do you think, Raoul? Was it worth it?”

He snickered. “Sure, sure. As long as you like it.”

“I do,” I reached up on my tippy-toes to put my arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground.

“Then I’m happy.” He kissed the top of my head and set me back down on the ground.

I brought his bag and my backpack into the master bedroom. I was going to take a few things out and hang them up, but instead I climbed up onto the four-poster bed and put my head down for a second to rest my eyes, and fell sound asleep.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was the digital clock on the nightstand next to the bed. I’d slept for two hours! It was 4:08!

The second thing I saw was a book on the pillow beside me. Love’s Carnal Desires! He’d remembered to pack it in our rush to leave the cabin!

And lastly, there was a note alongside it on the pillow.

_Meet me out on the grass when you wake up. Raoul._

I shook my head and smiled. Jacob was a nut!

I checked to make sure my key was still in my back pocket and headed out for the lawn area. I could see Jacob sitting on the grass, he had his shorts on now and he had removed his shirt. It was warm out, and I knew he wasn’t used to it.

There was a girl sitting close beside him as I approached. Jacob was laughing and as I came up behind him I saw why.

A big white ball of fur bounced around on his lap, jumping up and licking his face.

“He really likes you.” The girl said. By the look in her eyes, I’d say the puppy wasn’t the only one who did.

I slowed down a little, taking in her shiny, flat-ironed chestnut hair. Her pink tank top said True Religion and I could see her legs were a little too white and stumpy for the daisy duke shorts she had on. I could see on her back pocket that those were True Religion as well. Her fingernails and her toes were perfectly manicured and painted day glow pink, with little flowers. I glanced down at the sandals on her feet and my brain screamed _hooker shoes_ before I could stop it.

“Hey Bells! Look at my new friend.” I sat down beside Jacob as the pure white fluff ball bounded over to me.

“Hi, you!” I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear as I pet the long, soft fur.

“This is Fluffy,” Jacob told me, the smile on his face almost as big as mine. “And this is Tiffany.” He pointed to the girl.

“Like the jewelry store,” she told me. She reached up and grasped a gold heart on a thick chain around her neck and held it out. I could make out the “T” on the writing across the expensive heart.

I smiled at her with narrowed eyes. I could tell by looking at Tiffany that this was a girl who was used to getting what she wanted.

And I didn’t like the hungry way she was looking at Jacob – like she’d like nothing better than to lick him long and slow and continuously, like a Tootsie Pop.

Jacob laid back on the lawn and pulled Fluffy up onto his chest, rubbing his face against the dog’s neck. Tiffany giggled and pet Fluffy’s head, her other hand resting casually on Jacob’s shoulder.

“We should go to the store. We’ll be here for a few days and we need to get a few things,” I told him a little abruptly.

“Oh. How long are you staying in Russian River, Raoul?”

I turned my head and giggled. I couldn’t believe he was using Raoul as his fake name while we were here.

“We’ll be here for a few days. See you later. Bye Fluffy, bye.” He leaned down, petting the dog and getting it all excited again.

“Bye,” she and I said to each other with about as much enthusiasm as a wet rag.

The store was only four blocks away, so we walked. I caught his eye pointedly as we crossed the bridge. 

“What?”

“Nothing.” I huffed and looked away.

“What?” He asked again, sensing my annoyance. “Are you mad cos I left you alone in the cabin?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“Oh, come on _Raoul._ ” I smirked. “That little girl was all over you.”

“Tiffany?!” He was genuinely surprised. “No. I just met her out on the lawn. I was a lot more interested in Fluffy than I was in Tiffany.”

“I know _you_ were, but she couldn’t take her eyes off you.” I couldn’t believe Jacob was that clueless.

“She’s just some girl who’s here with her sister and a couple of her sister’s friends. Their parents are off on a cruise or something and Tiffany didn’t want to go. She’s been to Greece,” he made a face and mimicked her, “like, a million times.”

He put his arm around me. “You’re jealous. I never knew that about you, Bells. I like it.”

“Shut up, I am not.” I shrugged his arm off my shoulder.

He’d had his t-shirt on his lap while he’d been on the lawn and he pulled it on as we approached the grocery store.

“How old is she?” I asked him out of curiosity.

“I think she said she was sixteen and her sister’s eighteen.”

We entered the store and I shook my head, getting to the task at hand.

I had bigger problems than Tiffany and her sister.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

Or so I thought.

Jacob and I were sitting out on the grass after I made us some hamburgers for dinner. The late sun felt good with no threat of clouds or fog or rain anywhere in sight. I think it was a little uncomfortable for Jacob, but he didn’t complain. Although as soon as we’d left the grocery store earlier, the shirt had come off again.

I glanced over at him, lying on his stomach with his arms under his head, his eyes shut, face turned toward me. I picked a blade of grass from the lawn and tickled the end of his nose with it. He smiled and grabbed my wrist, his eyes still shut.

“Raoul!”

 _Not her again_.

I made a quiet irritated sound and Jake looked at me apologetically as he sat up.

Tiffany was with two other girls, about my age. One was short and heavy with bleached platinum hair and heavily frosted lipstick. The other girl was Asian, short and thin with beautiful dark exotic eyes. “Paris, come meet Raoul!”

Tiffany was pulling the short, heavy one forward enthusiastically toward Jacob and me on the grass. Paris was trudging along slowly, not enjoying being dragged above her sluggish gait.

Until she saw Jacob.

Paris underwent a visible physical transformation when she saw Jake sitting next to me. She appeared to grow three inches taller as she stood up straighter, and her languid eyes got large and bright, like a predator when it senses food nearby. Her lips, turned down into a lazy frown, suddenly pursed into a comically seductive pout.

“Raoul! This is my sister Paris and her friend, Tish. You should come with us! We’re going wine-tasting. There’s a few really good, cheap wineries not far from here.”

Tiffany looked at me patronizingly. “I’d invite you too, but you don’t look like you’re old enough to drink.”

Tiffany plopped down on the grass on Jacob’s other side, while Paris watched with her mouth open.

“No, I can’t,” Jacob told her. “But thanks.”

“Why not?” Paris pouted.

“I thought you were only sixteen?” Jacob ignored Paris and addressed the question to Tiffany.

“Not with this.” She grinned slyly, reaching into her Coach handbag and pulling out a fake ID.

“But you’re over 21, right?” She asked him. “You have to go! It’ll make it legitimate, or something. And you can look out for us girls.” She leaned in close as she spoke.

My eyes were narrowed into such tiny slits, I could barely see them.

“Nah, I can’t.” I felt him nudge me slightly with his elbow. “I haven’t reapplied for a driver’s license since I got out of the joint.”

My eyes rounded and my head swiveled so fast, I’m surprised it didn’t go flying off my shoulders. Did he just say _the joint_??? It was all I could do to stop myself from laughing hysterically on the spot.

“Did you just get out of prison?” Tiffany’s eyes were round as saucers, and I heard Paris and the other girl gasp. If I were them I would have turned and run in the opposite direction if someone I didn’t know told me that. Instead, it seemed to excite them.

“What did you do?” She breathed.

Jacob casually stretched his arms up over his head before he leaned over to her.

“I could tell you,” he told her conspiratorially. “But then I’d have to kill you.”

The three girls giggled nervously, but even I could see them all breathing a little heavier.

“Plus.” He put his arm around me. “I don’t go anywhere without my woman.”

How I didn’t laugh or even crack a smile is beyond me. I looked at the three of them seriously, and for just a moment, I felt like a badass.

“Word,” I added. I couldn’t help myself.

“Well, okay then.” Tiffany got up and brushed her white pants off and adjusted her peach halter top. “We’ll probably only be gone for a couple hours. I may be really drunk when we get back.” She looked like she was trying to give him a subliminal message with her eyes.

Paris’s gaze lingered on Jacob’s abs and she licked her lips before the three of them headed toward the parking lot.

“Raoul, Raoul, Raoul.” I shook my head.

We both burst into laughter. Jacob laid back on the lawn and pulled me down alongside him. I wasn’t used to seeing girls drool all over Jacob like that. But ever since we’d left the cabin, it seemed to be happening more and more. Was it like this in La Push and at school too? How had I not noticed this?

Even at the grocery store today, I could see women’s stares lingering longingly at him.

It gave me a strange, almost panicked feeling that I did not like. It made him feel elusive, like he could slip through my grasp. One wrong move, and… I could easily be replaced.

But Jacob would never do that. He loved me.

I glanced over at him, trying to see him as a stranger might, like how those girls must see him. I reached out and gently danced my fingertips over the grooves of his abs. I heard him hiss quietly, but he didn’t move. My fingers glided over the smooth skin of his coppery arms, and back and forth over the bulge of his bicep, from the inside of his elbow to just where the silky hair under his armpits poked out from under his arm.

“Bells.” He rolled toward me and I saw it was to hide the growing bulge under his shorts.

“You like that?” I asked. I looked around and there wasn’t a soul in sight. I moved my body a little closer to him to camouflage, as I pressed my palm lightly to the hard-on that was just barely starting.

“Bella,” he said a little more seriously when I gripped him with my hand. He pulled me up and against him, so I lost my hold on him. I reached down, searching and finding and pressing lightly.

I loved when he was hard. I’d never seen or made anyone hard in my life. And Jacob hard was quite a sight to behold. A little scary, but that was part of the thrill. I started to slide my hand under the top of his shorts, tired of dealing with things in the way of what I wanted.

He grabbed my wrist again, stopping me.

“What’s come over you? We’re out in public.”

“No one is here and it’s getting dark, no one can see us.” I tried to wriggle my hand away and get back to what I wanted to do.

I thought of those girls and wondered, if I could read their minds what would I find in their twisted little heads? They looked like they had all kinds of ideas of what they’d like to do to Jacob if they could get their hands on him.

I flung his hand away from me and rubbed my palm against him again, through his shorts. I heard him groan and I rubbed faster.

“Bella,” he said huskily. “Bella, lets go inside.” He stood up and headed toward the cottage.

I let him go ahead of me and I followed behind him. I watched the muscles in his back and his calves flex as he walked. I don’t know what was wrong with me, but I felt like I had that time in the water, when we’d been skinny-dipping. I wanted _something_.

He unlocked the door and held it open for me to follow him inside. He’d just barely shut it when I flung myself at him, the force backing him up against the closed door. I was on my tiptoes, reaching around his neck. He put his hands around my waist and lifted me higher and I heard him gasp at the desperation behind my kisses. My hands were in his hair, pulling his face closer, and my tongue wanted to taste every part of his mouth and his lips and I breathed him in all the while.

“Shit.” He hissed under his breath. My hands dragged themselves out of his hair and ran down his shoulders and over his chest, lingering over his nipples on their way down to the button on his shorts. Before I could get it undone, he reached under my thighs and pulled them up and around his waist, turning his body abruptly, so I was lodged against the door now, his weight crushing against me.

I used my shoulders as leverage to push against the door and arch my pelvis, grinding my core against him. His mouth couldn’t make up its mind whether it wanted to suck on my neck, lick the shell of my ear, or kiss my lips. He was hungrily going back and forth and I just kept trying to kiss him anywhere I could reach.

“Let me down,” I murmured against his mouth and he lowered my legs to the ground. I’d always wanted to stake a claim on Jacob. At one time I thought I wished he was my brother and that he could belong to me in a familial way. But that’s back when I was still kidding myself about my feelings for him. I wanted to stake a claim now.

An intimate one.

A physical one.

One that marked him as _mine_.

I sucked and nibbled on his stomach frenetically as I unbuttoned his shorts and shoved them down over his legs, taking his boxers with them, till they were both around his ankles.

“Bella? What in the world – _aghh_.” He groaned as I dropped to my knees on the hardwood floor and took him into my mouth. His length was all the way down the back of my throat and my lips were tight around the base of his shaft. His hands were in the hair at the back of my head.

It was almost as if I was angry, the way I attacked his body. My excitement apparently was contagious - it seemed to incite Jacob’s.

In the back of my mind I wished Tiffany and her little friends were still out on the lawn so they could hear the way I was making Jacob moan.

He was making choking sounds as my tongue sped up and I moved my head quickly. But then he whimpered when I stood up abruptly, kissing his chest.

“I want you.” I panted. “I want you, I want you, I want you.” I chanted it, willing him to carry me into the bedroom and make love to me.

Jacob had always been able to read my mind. He knew my thoughts better than I did, myself.

I don’t know how he got his shorts and boxers off without tripping over them. They were still down around his ankles, but he managed to maneuver them off as he picked me up and brought me to the master bedroom. He laid me down on the king sized bed.

I reached up for him as he lowered himself down on top of me. I realized I was still fully clothed and he was completely naked. He kissed me, sucking on my bottom lip, and then trailing kisses down to my chest. He unbuttoned the top button of my white sleeveless blouse, pulling it open and planting a kiss on the newly exposed bit of skin. He continued that through all seven buttons. Undoing it, spreading it open that little extra bit and kissing every inch as it laid itself bare.

He was going so slowly and it felt so good. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I didn’t act quickly, someone or something was going to take him away from me.

And I would not allow that to happen.

My top and bra were now somewhere on the floor and Jacob had my breasts in his hands, his thumbs circling the nipples. I shocked myself at the growl that came from my throat as I grabbed his face in my hands and began kissing him desperately again.

“Bella. Bella, what’s the matter? What’s the matter with you?” He was breathless with excitement and the words came intermittently between my kisses.

 “You’re _mine_. I will _not_ lose you. _Ever._ ”

He pulled his face away from mine. “Is that what this is about?” He shook his head. “It’s always been you, Bella.”

I caught my breath. “Always?” I asked, calming just a little.

“Always,” he whispered.

“Even when I made you eat some of my mudpie?” I managed a weak smile and my tensed muscles began to relax.

He chuckled. “Even all the way back then.” He peppered baby kisses across my collarbone.

I’d always loved Jacob Black and I always would.

“Make love to me, Jacob.”

I heard him stop breathing for just a second, in surprise.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to do this. I’m not going anywhere and you’re not going to lose me whether we do this or not.”

“Mmm.” I moaned, pulling him back down on top of me. “I want you. I do.”

I took his hand and placed it on top of my pants, below my belly button. “It aches right there, inside. Make it stop, Jacob.” I bit his lower lip gently and sucked it into my mouth. “Make it stop.”

“Fuuuuuck, Bella,” he muttered under his breath. He pulled at the button on my pants and I heard it go sailing across the room and hit the hardwood floor as it broke off. I wiggled and writhed as I let him pull them down and off me.

“I’ll be right back.” He hurtled off the bed and ran for his shorts still on the living room floor. He came back in with his wallet in his hand and I could see his hands were shaking just a little.

I lay on the bed, naked, and I was shivering a little bit myself.

He tossed his wallet on the nightstand, and I saw the small blue wrapper in his hand as he crawled back next to me. He pulled me tight against him, his heat enveloping me, and his brown skin slid smoothly across my pale body in gentle caresses.

My impatience melted away as reality and circumstances gave way to sensations. Who knew that someone else’s body and warmth could be so… _intoxicating._

“Where does it ache, Bella? Show me,” he murmured as his lips kissed along the pale skin of my stomach.

I placed my hand between my belly button and my pubic bone, where the longing for him had pooled somehow into something physical. “Right here,” I whispered.

He kissed over my hand, nibbling over the length of my fingers. “I think I can take care of that.”

His hands gripped my ankles and pushed them up, causing my knees to fall open, making room for him between my legs.

 _Oh god_.

I wiggled and squirmed, making a squeaking noise when his tongue made contact against my moist flesh.

I loved how he did that.

I was definitely baking Paul, Sam and Jared a huge cake or a large batch of cookies when we went back. Maybe both.

His finger was teasing my entrance, swirling around and barely easing in and back out. The delicious tingle spread, building as his tongue quickened and he sucked gently against my now swollen clit. My legs started shaking and I held my breath as the waves hit, washing over me, my skin breaking out in goose bumps.

I laid there, trembling, as Jake made his way back up my body. I could feel his erection, heavy against my hip, the tip wet with excitement.

“It still hurts, Jacob.” In fact, it had gotten worse. It was as if my insides were swollen, screaming to be filled.

“Do you not want to do it?” he asked me, confused.

“No, I do, I do.” My head rolled back and forth. “I need it.”

He had the condom in his hand and the wrapper opened before the second “I do” made it out of my mouth.

“You need it?” He groaned. “Jesus, it makes me crazy when you say things like that.” He fumbled with the condom, tossing the wrapper aside. “I need to get this thing on.”

I watched him roll the condom over the head and tug it down over his length.

“Need any help?” I asked, watching, fascinated.

“No, I got it. I already had a practice run, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” I giggled.

Once he’d gotten it completely on, he kissed me as he maneuvered himself on top of me. “I love you, Bella.”

I knew Jacob loved me, but a thrill washed through me as he said it out loud. A reassurance that no one or nothing was going to take him away from me. Not fate, not the Volturi and certainly not another girl.

Jacob made love to me and it was perfect. I expected some pain but it only lasted a minute, quickly easing into a pleasurable fullness. It hardly put a damper on the experience we shared together.

I didn’t expect that something physical could be so emotional. I thought I couldn’t feel any closer to Jacob or trust him any more than I already did. But I was wrong.

That I had even thought of sharing this with anyone besides Jacob, was… just wrong. He completed me so easily.

As easy as breathing.

So much so – we did it again.

… and then again.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

** **

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Day 17**

 

I woke up early and completely rested. I wanted to get up before Jacob and make him pancakes in bed.

Just because.

My brain reminded me of everything going on back home, but my heart still felt like it was going to burst with happiness anyway. And it had been so long since I’d felt like that, I was going to allow myself to embrace it for as long as it lasted.

I laid in bed an extra few minutes before getting up, staring at Jacob and remembering what we’d done the night before. He had been so sweet and so gentle. So… perfect.

His hair was all messy around his face, falling over his cheek, framing his mouth. His pouty lips curled up at the corners like he was dreaming something good, and I wanted to kiss him. But I didn’t want to wake him, so I slipped off the bed, stepping over our clothes strewn all over the floor.

The cottage came with two thick terrycloth robes that hung in the closet. I quietly pulled one off the hanger and put it on, shutting the bedroom door behind me quietly.

I mixed the ingredients for the pancakes and heated a pan on the stove. I kept looking out the window at the grass and the trees as I worked. Everything looked brighter this morning: the trees looked greener, the sky the most beautiful shade of blue. Was this what being in love felt like?

I heated some syrup in the microwave and poured a big glass of milk. Arranging it all on a tray, I carried it carefully into the bedroom. I only stumbled once over the throw rug in the living room, but I caught myself, spilling the milk just a little.

“There you are.” Jake’s voice was hoarse and groggy with sleep as he sat up. The sheet was pulled over his lap, but I knew he was naked underneath.

“Wow, what’s this?” he asked, surprised, when he saw the tray.

I set it down over his legs and he smiled his Jacob smile. The rarity of it lately made it all the more precious. I wished there was something I could do to bring it back with regularity again.

He leaned over and kissed me, pulling me next to his side.

“How do you feel this morning?” His brows furrowed.

“Why? Do I look different?” I giggled.

He pretended to study me with a grin. “You do.” He nodded.

“I do?” I laughed. “How do I look?”

“Like you’re mine. Like you’re really mine.”

“I am yours,” I murmured breathlessly. If he kept talking like that, that ache was liable to return. A warm heat stained my cheeks as I remembered how the ache had magically disappeared once Jacob and I had…

I shivered.

I picked our clothes up off the floor and put them in the dresser while Jacob ate his breakfast. I opened up my backpack, removing a few pairs of underwear and a couple of tops and put them in a drawer.

The manila envelope was peeking out the top and I saw Jacob staring at it with a strange look on his face. He finished his pancakes and pushed the tray away from him, to the bottom of the bed. He reached for the envelope and held it in his hands before opening it up and studying the money inside.

“You know I can’t offer you anything like this, right Bella?” he said to me softly. “But… I get good grades, and I don’t care what they say – I’m going to get this wolf thing under control.” He turned toward me. “I am! And I’m going to college.”

He held my gaze and spoke earnestly. “I’m going to make something of myself.”

“I believe you.”

He looked away. “At first it was for my dad. I want to get him a nice house someday. And a computer. He’d like that.”

I pointed to the envelope. “You can get him the computer now, Jake. When we get back.”

“No! It’ll be _my_ money! I hate using theirs!”

He was quiet for a minute. “At first I started paying attention to my grades because of my dad,” he said softly. “But now there’s you. I want to take care of you the way you deserve, Bella.”

“You do take care of me, Jacob.”

“I want to take care of you _that_ way. I want you to be proud of me.”

I started to protest, to tell him how proud I was of him already, but he went on.

“You saw what happened to me the other night.” He looked at me. “There _are_ other vampires besides the Cullens, you know. They’re everywhere.” He sighed. “I can’t exactly jump up in the middle of a classroom and explode out of my skin.”

He lowered his head and stared at the ground. “I’m a freak. I’m sorry, Bella. You deserve so much better.” He raised his head up defiantly. “But I AM going to go to school and make something of myself! You watch!”

“I know you are, Jacob.” I sat alongside him on the bed and laid my head against the back of his shoulder. “I have no doubt.”

He kissed my forehead and then looked at me anxiously. “Are you bleeding? I smell blood.”

Gah! Sometimes being with a werewolf meant having no secrets at all!

“Just a little,” I muttered, looking down. “it’s not a big deal.”

“Sorry I hurt you, I tried not to.”

“I know you did. But it’s kind of inevitable when you put something that big… there.”

He grinned. “You’re gonna get me all worked up again.”

“I think I need to take a hot shower or a bath or something before we attempt any more… “

“Should we wait till you stop bleeding before we do it again?”

My eyes widened. “I don’t know. Jessica said sometimes you can bleed for up to a week afterward.”

He looked a little panicked at the thought of waiting a whole week before having sex again. I decided to try out the Jacuzzi tub to ease my sore, uh, muscles while Jacob watched Monster Garage. Then I hopped into the party shower, as Jacob and I took to calling it, to rinse off and wash my hair.

“How about we go down to the river and check it out?” he asked me when I came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel.

“Uh, Jake? I don’t have a bathing suit. It’s not like at the cabin where I could wear my underwear and a tank top.”

“That’s okay, just put some shorts on. Tiffany was telling me yesterday that they have rowboats down at the beach. You just have to pick up the oars at the office from Rosie.”

I wrinkled my nose at the mention of Tiffany.

“You’re not worried about _her_ , are you, Bells?” He pulled me to him with a grin.

I tucked the edge of the towel in, tightening it around me. “She was totally hitting on you last night – telling you she was ‘probably gonna be kind of drunk’ when she came back. I’m not stupid, Jacob, she was hoping you’d wait up for her and have sex with her! Tramp!” I muttered the last part under my breath.

“You mean I missed my chance to have sex _twice_ last night?” He joked.

“It’s not funny, Jacob!”I growled. “She wanted you! Tiffany _and_ her sister, _Paris_.” I rolled my eyes at her name.

He lowered his voice, going into Raoul mode. “But I let them know you’re my woman. And I don’t have sex without my woman.” He cracked a grin.

“Huh! I don’t think I figured into their little scenario at all.”

“Hmmmm, well maybe I should have waited up, hah?” He laughed, then ducked when I swatted him.

“I’m just teasing you, honey. I’m pretty satisfied with the way my evening went.” He looked at me seriously for a moment. “Do you see now how potent jealousy can be? Maybe you’ll understand now why I kissed you that time?”

He smiled again, back to teasing. “Anyway. I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere last night but here with you.”

He kissed my nose gently. “Now _tonight_ if they want sex with me, _maybe_!” He backed out of my way, laughing, before I could smack him again.

I pretended to huff at him angrily, but I know he saw my grin.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed a box of cereal and took a handful, eating it dry. I hadn’t made any pancakes for myself and I was a little hungry. As I passed the window, I could see the far end of the lawn area and there was none other than Tiffany herself, sitting on the grass, petting Fluffy. She kept throwing furtive glances this way, toward our cabin. I ducked behind the cupboard so she couldn’t see me through the window.

I hurried into the bedroom and pulled my shorts and a sleeveless yellow top from the drawer, and pulling my towel off, I put them on hurriedly.

“Hey, slow down.” Jake pouted, watching me as he lay on the bed, flipping through the channels. He crawled over the bed and grabbed my hand as I zipped up my shorts. “So, have we broken you of your modesty thing, yet? I just saw you naked.”

“Maybe,” I told him absently, pulling him by the hand. “Come here.”

I opened the front door and dragged him onto the front porch.

“What are you doing?” he asked in confusion.

I hovered behind the open door. “See if she says anything to you.”

“Who?”

I pointed to her sitting on the grass. I don’t know why this girl rankled me so much. Since we’d left the cabin a couple of days ago, I now saw the female attention Jacob got. Maybe I’d been aware of it back home and just blocked it out because I wasn’t prepared to handle it. It kind of went against all my _I just want to be friends_ speeches.

I remembered the reaction I’d had when Lauren had tried to kiss him the night of graduation. If Jacob hadn’t stopped it right when he had, I would have screamed. I was also ready to admit to myself now that it’s what spurred on my libidinous attack on Edward that night. Jacob had been having an affect on me even then, but I’d disguised it as passion for my boyfriend, instead of the displaced excitement it really was.

And what had I accidently called him while watching him out of Edward’s window that night?

Intoxicating.

That had been no accident. Yes, he was frustrating and annoying sometimes, too. But Jacob Black intoxicated my senses like he should be made illegal.

And I was going to show Tiffany who this 6’7 werewolf belonged to. I knew it was immature and I knew I shouldn’t care. But I just wanted to let this little girl know what was what.

“Raoul!”

 I saw her approach Jacob on the porch, her eyes darting around, looking to see if I was nearby. She couldn’t see me tucked behind the door, where I watched her through the small crack in the doorframe.

“Where were you last night?” She whispered with a pout. “We were back early. I waited around on the lawn, hoping you’d come out.”

“Why’s that?” Jacob asked, feigning innocence.

Tiffany avoided the direct question. “I was pretty wasted. Red wine does things to me.” She giggled. She walked up two of the four steps leading to the porch. “I thought maybe we could go down to the water together.” She sauntered up the last two steps, like a panther ready to strike. “Or uh,” she licked her lips. “We could have gone back to my cabin.”

She reached out to touch him, but Jacob pulled his arm away and scooped up Fluffy who had started whining at his feet. Tiffany side-eyed the open door, trying to glance into the front room, before she sat alongside Jake on the porch swing. She reached across him and pet Fluffy, her hand stroking the dog’s fur and purposely miscalculating her strokes and continuing over Jacob’s bicep.

“So why were you in prison? You didn’t like, rape anyone or anything, right?” She flipped her hair and then put her other hand on his upper leg. “How could you rape anyone? I mean, who would resist you?” She slowly raised her big blue eyes up at him.

 I was seething behind the door. I didn’t have a plan, so I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing. I think I just wanted to prove my hunch to myself – that I hadn’t misjudged Tiffany at all. This girl was going for the jugular. I knew some vampires I’d like to introduce her to that operated the same way.

“Tiffany.” Jacob put Fluffy down and stood up. “You need to leave.”

“But why?” She whined, her lower lip sticking out. “I’m just being friendly.”

“Darlin’, I eat little girls like you for breakfast.” He stood over her at his full height, looking menacing.

“Ooooooh,” she breathed, taking what he said as innuendo. “It’s still early, hopefully you haven’t eaten yet.”

_Gah!_

“That’s not what I meant,” Jacob told her, flustered. She was a sixteen year old girl, so he was trying to do this nicely. But all he was managing to do was excite the little twit!

I saw her jump when I came around the door.

“Hi Tiffany.” I managed to say coolly.

“Honey?” I turned to Jacob. “Could you help me? My whips are all knotted together again. And I can’t find the muzzle you like, I thought I packed it.”

I snuck a glance at Tiffany, who had a furrowed frown between her brows.

“And the rope got stuck in the chains. Again. Rosie is going to kill us if we leave chains behind stuck on the bed pillars.” I ran my hands over his chest. “How are you nipples today, baby? You took your rings out - did I pull too hard on them again last night?” I spanked him on the behind. “Now go untie the whips! And don’t _make_ me spank you again, because I _will_ get the paddle out.”

I rolled my eyes at Tiffany. “Men! Buh-bye, hon.” I followed Jacob back into the house, closing the door and leaving an open-mouthed Tiffany standing on the porch.

Jacob and I ran to the bedroom, collapsing on the bed, laughing.

“What the hell was that? You’ll spank me? Your whips?” He pulled me alongside him. “Come here, my little dominatrix.”

I reached around his neck and kissed him. “Is it wrong that I’m having so much fun with you despite the fact that there are vampires who want me dead?”

I’d meant it to be funny, but his face grew serious. “About that.” He started.

I put my hand over his mouth. “Not yet. Please don’t say we need to go back yet. We’ve got till Friday here. Can we just have a couple of days with no vampires and no werewolves and no drama?”

“I don’t think that’s possible, Bella. I know it’s your habit to run away from your problems and go into denial mode. I know it’s cliché, but - we can run, but we can’t hide. We have to deal with this, honey. You can distract yourself with things like jealousy and the sex – not that I’m complaining about that – but this stuff isn’t going to go away.”

I stared down at the comforter, unable to look him in the eyes. He was right. “Just till tomorrow, then? Can we pretend that everything is fine just till tomorrow?” I finally looked up. “We just made love. Can’t we have 24 hours where we can just enjoy that and be together? Please Jacob?”

“Okay.” He nodded. “Twenty-four hours.But tomorrow we have to talk.”

“You want to go back, don’t you?” I whispered.

He took a deep breath and touched my nose. “Tomorrow. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He slid off the bed. “Let’s go down to the river.” He looked back at me and grinned. “Don’t forget your book.”

I smiled and grabbed Love’s Carnal Desires as I got to my feet and we headed for the beach.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

We stopped at the office on the way down to the water and picked up some oars.

“Do you know how to steer a boat?” I asked him as I warily stepped into the wobbly rowboat.

“Do I know how to steer a boat? Do I know how to steer a boat? Do you remember who made a raft? Who started our fires at the cabin? I am not only a werewolf, I am a Native American, Bella. I am capable of living off the land and possess all kinds of special talents.”

“Well, I know that, but can you steer a boat?” I asked him again.

He rolled his eyes. “Take a seat and learn from the master.”

“Well, I’m just saying,” I sat down as he pushed the boat out into the river. “I’m just saying, you had to jump in the lake and _pull_ us to shore a couple times back at the cabin. I don’t think that counts as steering.”

“That’s just because I didn’t have the proper equipment,” he told me, giving me a dirty look as I giggled.

The current was strong as it pulled us along downriver, so all Jacob had to do was maneuver the boat and keep us out of the muddy banks along the side. The sun was warm and I got comfortable and pulled my book out.

“I’m going to see what Lavinia and Raoul have been up to.” I read my book as Jacob hummed to himself. Every once in a while, he’d say, “Look, Bells,” and point out a bird or a fish or something he found interesting.

About 12 pages along, I stood up in the middle of the boat. “They did it!” I shouted excitedly. The boat wobbled precariously and I sat down with a thud and a grin.

“They did it? They finally did it?” Jacob hollered. “He howled loudly across the empty expanse of water and trees. “And we beat them! We did it first! He howled a second time, pulled the oars into the boat and rested them against his seat, pulling me onto his lap. “I bet we did it better.” I held onto him as the boat rocked with the sudden movement. He kissed me, his soft lips lingering against mine.

“I’m almost finished,” I skimmed through the remainder of the book. “I only have about 25 more pages to go.”

I climbed back onto my seat and tried to speed read, wanting to see where this crazy book would end, while Jacob rowed us back to the stretch of sand where we’d started.

~~``intoxicating``~~

“He died!” I sobbed, blindly making my way back into the cottage where I had been reading in the semi-darkness on the front porch. “Jacob! He died!”

“What?” Jacob sat up at attention on the bed, where he had been watching television. “Who died?” He looked like he was ready to phase. _Whoops. My bad_.

“Raoul!” My voice broke and I threw the book down and flung myself at him.

“Oh no! He died? Oh man, that sucks.” He brushed the hair away from my tear-stained cheeks as I lay prone on top of his body. “Don’t cry, honey. How did he die?”

“He stepped on a land mine,” I wailed. “And Lavinia is pregnant and is going to have to have his baby all by herself now. Cos her parents disowned her when she told them she was pregnant.”

“Wow.” He kissed my forehead. “Well, at least they had a good time before he died.”

“Yeah.” I sniffed.

I didn’t know why I was having such a strong reaction to the story. Lavinia and Raoul had become a refuge to me while we were at the cabin, going through such turmoil. Also, in a funny way, I felt a kinship with the two of them, in that mine and Jacob’s lives paralleled theirs in an odd way. Their discovery of love and sex in the midst of a life and death situation hit a little close to home.

Plus, they did kinda look like us. I peered over the side of the bed at the cover that was lying on the floor where I’d tossed it. The way Raoul held onto Lavinia so securely, so protectively, with his shaggy dark hair blowing in the breeze and his muscles all flexed set me off on a new wave of tears.

He looked just like Jacob!

I tightened my arms around Jacob’s neck as I felt a panic rising in me. “You’re not going to leave me, right? I mean, you can’t die, right? Werewolves heal. They don’t die!” I pulled my face back so he was forced to look me in the eyes. “Right?”

“Bella I’m not going anywhere.”

“Cos you can’t die, RIGHT?” My hands were so tightly clenched on his shoulders, I was hurting myself.

He held my gaze solemnly before he spoke. “I am not going to die, honey.”

“Do you promise? I’ll believe you if you promise.”

“I promise.” He nodded. He kissed me gently. And then again. “I promise.” He planted feather-light kisses on my lips and then he pulled my body tight against his.  

“Do you remember the first week we were at the cabin, and you cleaned up in the lake, in your boxers?” I asked him, pulling my face away slightly.

“Yeah?” He kissed my cheek and then my chin.

“I could see right through your underwear,” I told him, holding back a grin.

“No you couldn’t.”

“Oh yeah, I could. Everything!”

“You were checking me out? Sneak!”

I giggled mischievously at the memory.

“Was that the first time you’d ever seen … ?”

I nodded my head, warming at the memory.

“What did you think?”

“What do you mean?” I crinkled my nose.

“I mean, were you scared, were you excited? Were you in awe of my masculinity?” He smirked.

“I was… all of the above.” I laughed. “I ran back up to the shack to calm down,” I admitted.

“Did I make you horny, baby?”

“Shut up, you do an awful Austin Powers.”

“My Austin Powers rocks. Did I? Did I make you horny?”

I ducked my head, embarrassed. “Yes.”

“I knew it! You’ve wanted this body all along. I heard you make a weird noise in your throat that day when I came out of the water. It’s the same noise you make when I touch you here.” He softly stroked between my legs over my shorts, and I made the same choked noise in the back of my throat.

“See?”

He kissed my neck, his palm still very gently moving over my shorts. “Does it still hurt?”

“Not really.” I got up and pulled one of his clean t-shirts from the dresser. I took my top off and pulled his shirt on over my head, then unhooked my bra and pulled it out from underneath. Then I slipped my shorts off and shoved them into a drawer.

Jacob came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, before pulling my hair back and over one shoulder. He pressed his face into the crook of my shoulder and kissed my neck. My rear end arched back against him and the back of my head rested against his shoulder.

I felt his hands snake up under my shirt, moving up from my waist to cup the bottom of both my breasts, squeezing gently. I rubbed my backside against his groin.

I couldn’t really grab hold of him with my back to him, so I reached up behind me and held onto the back of his head as I maneuvered mine, lining up our mouths and kissing him.

He was like an octopus, his fingers squeezing my backside, easing his scorching hands under my panties and pulling them down. I dropped my arms and managed to undo his button and the zipper on his shorts, and he helped me yank them off. I grabbed onto the elastic of his boxers and pulled it back until I felt him spring free. He was hot in my hand as I stroked him, his length hard against my behind.

“Bella.” He lowered himself, bending his knees slightly, his hands on my hips, raising me, lining himself up. I was so wet, I felt the moistness on my thighs and he glided right in. I made a little squeak when he pushed past the still sore, swollen flesh, then I cried out as he entered me to the hilt.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispered tightly.

“No.” I breathed. “Yes. But I – I liked it.” It did hurt a little. This new position allowed Jacob to reach spots deep inside me that we hadn’t last night with him on top. But it was a good hurt. The pain was pleasurable in a way I didn’t understand. I just knew I liked it. “Don’t stop.”

He gripped my hips harder and pumped as I leaned over the dresser with my legs spread and pounded back against him. Every time he thrust deep into me, I cried out as he hit that pleasure/pain spot. My body was beginning to reach a threshold and I knew what was on the other side.

“Faster, Jake,” I commanded him huskily.

That was it. I grabbed a hold of the rim around the top of the dresser and stiffened as Jacob rammed his body inside me. I could feel my insides convulsing around him and I heard myself moaning and Jacob panting and then we both dropped boneless against the dresser.

His arms were tight around my waist and then he slipped himself free and carried me to the bed. We laid side by side, exhausted and satisfied.

We had one more night. One more night before we faced up to the grim reality we had to face eventually. I decided to lose myself in Jacob Black until then.

~~``intoxicating``~~

 

_A/N: This chapter was a last bit of fluff before Jacob and Bella get back to the business going down in La Push and Forks._

_Speaking of fluff - just for reference, here’s[Fluffy](../Pictures/Fluffy.jpg). _

 


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